If an idiot speaks in Committee and nobody reports on it, is he still wrong?

Right about now there are hundreds of thousands of drunks snaking their way through the streets and railways of New York City on their way to morning hangovers and foggy memories of already broken New Year's resolutions. You Tube will be awash in green highlighted raccoon eyed partiers captured on the night vision HD camcorders that fell off Santa's sleigh in Harlem and made it under Christmas trees in time for Tiny Tim to hobble to Times Square to see the baby New Year's annual single testicle drop.

Papers, blogs and Television are running their annual best of lists and making predictions about the coming year. The predictions will be about as accurate as a night shift Minnesota ballot counter whose Starbucks gift card has been depleted and the lists are so self-aggrandizing they make Puff Daddy seem modest.

As one who prefers to jump on wagons sans band I looked at the past year to find the stories not covered. Stories that, for reasons known only to tingly legged journalists and pundits, weren't deemed important enough for 24-7 missing housewife type coverage.

The media under-reported Bush's achievements in fighting Aids in Africa, the weakening of private property rights through court decisions, Democratic Congressional scandals and K-Feds seminal creativity in yet another media savvy coupling.

We are about to be launched down a slope of government spending so steep it would cause mountain goats sphincters to pucker like a starlets Botox laden lips. As the soon to be launched bailout of January 2009 swells faster than Opera's ass, the quote that should be played over and over and over and over again is this...

"I think this is a case where Freddie Mac (FRE) and Fannie Mae (FNM) are fundamentally sound. They're not in danger of going under…I think they are in good shape going forward." —Barney Frank (D-Mass.), House Financial Services Committee chairman, July 14, 2008

We are trusting guys like this with our future?

The media is already pitching a tent for Obama, what more can they do?

Media coverage of the President-elect reads more like a Harlequin Romance novel than actual reporting. From the use of a photo of this bare-chested hunk on the cover through breathless accounts of his touch the similarities are astounding. I actually find this a quite nice diversion from the Savior-like treatment of The ONE immediately following the election. There still remains one Christ like comparison: there is no room at the in for the family.

Yes, The ONE is suffering from his own success. Hotel rooms in the nation’s capitol sold out faster than topless photos of Princess Leia at a Star Wars convention in anticipation of the coronation of our Savior in Chief. So booked are they that the Obamas can’t find a room and they’ve asked President Bush to set aside precedent and allow them to move in to Blair House, the presidential guest quarters, ahead of the inauguration. Unfortunately Blair House too is booked until the 15th. In Jabba the Hut like diplomacy, GW offered them room at a nearby military base. Of course, slumming with the troops didn’t seem to cozy for the soon to be First Family. Especially after the fine accommodations they had in Hawaii.

You would think there would be a Democratic supporter or two in the area that might have a spare bedroom or two. If Oprah gets approved for her loan perhaps she’ll be able to host.

The one question I don’t think I’ve heard anyone ask is this, “Didn’t Senator Obama have an apartment in Washington to use while he supposedly worked there?” I doubt the lease is up on that. If not, how about the luxurious Boeing 757. I seem to recall it was outfitted with at least a porta-potty.

UPDATE: I guess I was a day early in writing this one. Here is an update as of today. I guess we can rest easy as there really is room at the inn.

S2

There are two sides to every party

Since moving to Utah over 16 years ago I've probably voted for as many Democrats as I have Republicans. You see, here in the Beehive State our "conservatives" seem to be concerned mostly about retaining power.

My congressman is a Democrat and I gladly voted for his re-election in a move completely opposite my "vote against any incumbent" attitude. I just couldn't stomach his Republican challenger.

I love it when a decision gets, at least, a little validation.

There's no business like snow business

I had one of the best ski runs of my life yesterday. Well over 1,000 vertical feet of untouched virgin powder just out of bounds from hoards of tourist skiers sliding lemming like down the center of a packed highway of a ski slope at a local resort. If you think I am being vague about the exact location where this occurred, I am. I don't want anyone who might read this to come along and pirate the booty in this Davey Jones treasure trove of liquid gold. It's mine matey.

To listen to the main stream media and the stories spoon fed to them by the climate change mothers you'd think I would not have had an opportunity for such a run ever again. Just weeks ago newspapers had stories of the ski industry's demise due to global warming.

Thank God they were, like it seems they are in every dire climate change prediction, completely wrong. Either that or the ski resorts move to being "green" paid off early. Not only are the early season conditions good here in Utah, they seem to be going schussingly well all over North America. Of course, this time of year the South American resorts don't fair as well but leave it to the press to have to regionalize good news.

It should come as no surprise the news of good ski conditions is not being heralded from the white-capped mountaintops. For that would be lending credence to us nut jobs who question global warming. Even articles that mention the deep snows put a chill on the good news with reports of how the failing economy is now hurting the industry.

Of course the season is still young and an ill warm wind could take the moisture from our sails and stall our ship amid melting seas of snow. My hidden booty might well be a rock garden instead of a white gem. If that happens the climate change machine will be running full on once again. The forecast belies such an occurrence but these guys couldn't predict the results of a two-headed coin toss. I am adopting a wait and see attitude and am keeping a Pirate's patched eye toward the heavens. When it comes to skiing, it is all downhill from here.

Umm, you know, I think it is time for a new drinking game

It is Sunday night in Utah which means those of us who derive our alcohol morality in a Church where we have wine during Mass instead of one that whines about those of us who have wine during Mass have to be creative in our consumption.

Years ago, most likely in a small liberal arts college where math and science took a back seat to activism and social studies, there was created a drinking game to be played during the Bob Newhart show. Every time a character on the show said “Hi Bob”, those in attendance were required to take a drink of whatever adult oriented beverage they currently had in their glass. Over the years there have been many variations of the game but none have ever caught on with the same thirst for competition as the Newhart game.

I was performing my due diligence as a socially aware and socially drinking blogger this evening and spent time listening to audio clips of President-elect Barack “I’ve already had it with the media” Obama and Senator wanna-be Caroline “I have a Neil Diamond song named after me” Kennedy. Just seeing a Kennedy is enough to make me want to drink and it isn’t homage to prohibition profiteer Grandpa Joe’s activities. Nevertheless I heard in both Obama’s and Kennedy’s speech the perfect triggers for an updated “Hi Bob” game.

Every time the One says his trademark “umm” or "ahh" or the one soon to be chosen Senator says “You know”, grab the closest alcoholic beverage not already consumed by Uncle Teddy and suck it down. I didn’t even make it all the way through this Kennedy interview before Mrs. Bald Man took my keys and set out the bottle of Excedrin she knows I’ll need in the morning. I don’t know if my liver can take four to six years of this abuse. I don’t know if our country can either but booze may be the only coping mechanism we have left. And to think the media criticized George Bush for his lack of communicativeness.

Here are two more samplings from You Tube:


Cheers,
S2

Yes Nevada there is a Santa Claus

Babies aren’t even tired of playing with the boxes that their expensive, sitting in the corner still untouched toys came in and already we are being teased with the prospect of a wonderful present set to arrive just before Christmas 2010. Said gift would be a resounding defeat of the so-called leader of the senate Harry Reid of Nevada.

Sure it is too early to call an election when Al Franken hasn’t even finished stealing the senate seat in Minnesota this year and the Republicans haven’t even nominated an opponent candidate but hope springs eternal.

Reid’s bumbling and partisan antics border on anti-American and represent the worst of political behaviors. Republicans need to start now and continue to push if we hope to unseat a politician who has used his office to inoculate himself against competition instead of working to better the country.

I spend as much time in Nevada as I do at home in Utah. I’ll be watching closely and letting you know how to get involved. I had planned on writing a lot more about Harry "I suck the life out of everything I touch" Reid until, while searching for fodder for my oratorial cannon, I found this short video in which the master of all matters verbal unleashes on the same subject matter. I know when I am out spoken:



Enjoy the gifts of this holiday season and try not to hurt yourself with your Wii.

S2

Paper, Plastic or Swaddling Clothes?

I just spent an eternity in traffic driving by the mall. Surprisingly, when I passed the Church, there was no traffic at all.

I had a nice long post drafted about the President-elect and his change from basketball to golf now that he has been elected. However, as one wanting to concentrate on the more important issues of the day, I'd like to offer this:



Merry Christmas Mom and Dad and thanks for the gift of life that I'll never be able to repay.

Cash, check or no charge?

Back in the dark ages of the 1980s, before the World Wide Web, when Ronald Reagan was president and cruel, evil and self-serving capitalist ideals abounded, there was a restaurant in the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area that began allowing customers to pay the amount they felt their meal was worth. They took all prices off the menu. Initially, customers were leaving money at a level nearly equal to the prices that were formerly on the menu. It didn’t take the J Wellington Wimpy-like moochers long to realize they could not pay Tuesday for a hamburger today and the establishment was forced to abandon the practice. Unfortunately, they waited a bit too long and ended up closing altogether.

Proving there really is nothing new under the sun, the website NWCN.com had a story back in November that, thanks to Michelle Malkin’s phenomenal website has been kept alive. The OpShOp in Seattle allowed customers to pay what they felt an item was worth. It too has closed its doors.

Blogs that I won’t link to have been blaming the closing on the uncaring landlord who, like the evil Snidely Whiplash demanded the rent be paid. I’d guess George Bush was a close second as to the cause of the store’s demise. They also wondered why no Dudley Dorites rode in on white horses with saddlebags of money to keep the store open. The undercurrent of these comments is that conservatives, the only rich people in America, should have stepped up to help.

What these nimrods fail to realize is that, when it comes to pulling the fair Nell off the tracks in the form of a hand up financially, conservatives do some much more frequently than their counterparts on the left. Perhaps the solution to the OpShOps problem would have been for the owner to invest a small amount in a pricing gun. Even a pen and some sticky paper could have helped. With either of these items, she could have placed on every item in the store a fair price that would have included a markup to cover expenses and a profit margin. When it is allowed to flourish unfettered by government intrusion, Capitalism works folks. As evidenced, by the results of the OpShOp’s experiment, more “social” centered societies don’t.

In the “opinions are like buttholes” review of the ballot recount in Minnesota, look here and prepare to lose your lunch. I hope you didn’t have to pay too much for it.

Finally, in the “we are getting to be more like the Russians every day” review, I offer this:




S2

Size Matters

Heard emanating from the large plastic clown head in the parking lot: Static…Hello, welcome to [static] [static] may I take your order?

Me: Yes, I’d like a Really Glad To Be Here meal, 3 Big Daddy Burgers, a jumbo deluxe order of French Fries and a small diet soda please. That is to go please. Ha ha ha.

Clown head: Sir, you are in the drive through all orders there are to go and we’ve heard that joke a million times.

Me: [snicker]. Well I thought it was funny.

Clown head: [static], [static] sir we don’t have small size drinks; just medium, large and ridiculously large sizes. Would you like a medium or large diet soda?

Me: I want the small one.

Clown head: Sir, we don’t have [static] [static] small size drinks. We have medium, large and ridiculously large.

Me: Which of the three sizes is small?

Clown head: None sir, we have medium, large and ridiculously large.

Me: Between the medium, large and ridiculously large sizes, which one has the least amount of soda in the glass?

Clown head: We use cups not glasses sir.

Me: Ok smart [static ][static], which cup holds the least amount of liquid?

Clown head: That would be the medium sir.

Me: Then I would like the medium sized drink.

Clown head: Our medium sized drink or the medium according to your old fashioned idea of sizes, sir, which would be our large?

Me: Oh hell, forget the [static[static] [static] drink altogether. How much is the food.

Clown head: That will be $14.95 please drive around.

5 minutes later:

Heard emanating from the fancy graphic laden speaker stand in the parking lot: Welcome to Gimme Bucks Coffee may I take your order?

Me: Yes, I’d like a medium coffee please. That is to go, too. [Snicker]

Speaker: We don’t have medium sizes sir. We have tall, Grande and Venti.

Me: $%# [static], %^$#, [static], #^&%$ [static].


S2

Do you think George Washington liked cherry pie?

This morning, on my way out the door to a volleyball tournament, I snuck a few cookies from the “Save for Santa” jar. Mrs. Bald Man confronted me when I got home and I denied everything and, like the occasional foul odor at night, blamed it on the dogs. I figured with the most commercialized of all holidays less than a week away I better review the criteria for Mr. Kringle’s Naughty or Nice list. Surprisingly this activity, one I would have assumed would guarantee placement on the coal side of the paper isn’t even considered anymore.

It comes really as no surprise that lying isn’t frowned upon by many people these days. Recent studies show that academic cheating has risen dramatically in the last fifty years. The Society of Human Resources Managers states over 53% of applicants lie on their resume and 70% of recent college graduates stated they would lie to get a job. In Japan, perhaps owing as much to increased prosecution as to societal demise, perjury indictments rose five fold in a ten year period from 1996 through 2006. Hmm, what happened in the mid-90s that involved the courts and lying? I guess it depends on what the definition of happened happens to be.

Jayson Blair of the New York Times was found to have frequently made up stories and CBS was caught using forged documents in a story on G W Bush and Dan “I’ll go quietly to avoid a scandal” Rather flew the coop. These two examples show how lies can greatly influence the public’s perceptions of current events and how the mainstream media is "in the tank" for one side of our political spectrum. The recently discovered ongoing lies of Bernard Madoff and his Ponzi scheme show how they can ruin people financially.

Just today I witnessed several little white lies that were mostly innocuous but they shook my belief that, during this time of “peace on earth and goodwill to man”, people are still basically good. I played in a city volleyball tournament. In these tournaments there is an official but, unlike high level competitions, this person is doing all officiating alone. Therefore, it is nice if players assist by pointing out anything that may not have been seen. At least once in every game I witnessed someone performed an infraction of the rules and didn’t call themselves on it. You could see it in most of their eyes. They’d look askance at the official to see if he noticed and then they’d quickly turn away. The team on track to win the tournament (I left early as we were knocked out of the competition rather quickly) was one of the most egregious offenders.

I couldn’t help but wonder, if someone would lie by omission about something as meaningless as a volleyball tournament to win, what would they do in business or social situations where the stakes are much higher than a cheaply silk-screened cotton t-shirt that will shrink to Barbi doll size in its first washing. If the number of indicted public officials is any indicator, my supposition is they will lie as easily to a customer or potential loved one as they would about hitting the net in a silly little game.

Sports are often touted as being character building but this too seems to be changing. Professional football teams have been caught stealing the signals of opposing teams, baseball players steroid up and cork their bats and even championship college level coaches don’t “step up” when they can. I watched the Penn State Women’s Volleyball team rout Stanford to win their second consecutive national championship. Near the end of the second set, the scorer made a mistake and attributed a point won by Penn State to Stanford. Instead of 21-19 as it should have been, the scoreboard showed 20-20. The Penn State coach was quick to point this out. There was a long delay as the scoring elves reviewed lists of their own. The announcers pointed out that the Stanford coach had his own scoring sheet that also showed 21-19. Now granted, I was at the mercy of television coverage but both announcers stated the Stanford coach wasn’t “chiming in” to help correct the score. He was mute.

The decision that was reached was to set the score at 20-19 and continue the game. One point in a game to 25 at this level of competition is huge. Fortunately the Penn State ladies showed why they are considered to be one of the best teams ever in this sport and carried on and won. But what if the outcome had been different?

I like to think the phrase win at all costs was originally coined to emphasize the need to go all out in your efforts and do your absolute best. I think now it means to take every advantage, including bending the rules so far they’d make a reindeer’s antlers look like a straight up North Pole or breaking them outright to win. It is the same in business now too. Win-win has given way to “I win and don’t care about you”.

I don’t know about you but, personally, I wouldn’t get joy in winning or succeeding under false pretenses. Like most of my posts, I can’t offer any suggestions on how to change this unfortunate trend. I guess we need to lead by example. Therefore, I am on my way to put the cookies back in the jar so Santa will have something to nosh on when he comes to fill the mammoth sized stocking hung on the fireplace mantel. It is a start but I am not going to promise I will stop blaming the dogs for other things.

S2

The first cut is the cheapest

You may have missed the news. With all the headlines being reserved for covering Al Franken’s stealing of the Minnesota Senate seat and following Charlie Rangel's ethics violations there probably wasn’t room for this story. Oh, that’s right, major new outlets aren’t covering either of those on the front or any other pages. And they sure aren’t touting the fact that, once again this year, Congress is getting a raise. With, as our Vice-president elect Joe “Jobs is a three letter word” Biden states, the economy tanking and millions of their constituents losing their jobs, the same people telling automotive executives they need to take $1 a year salaries because their companies are losing money will be receiving an additional $4700 a year of taxpayer money. To borrow from those annoying Progressive insurance ads, that’s a whole wardrobe on What Not to Wear or a bunch of “big tricked out name badges”. It is a nice little lagniappe as they say in Louisiana.



The raise amounts to a measly $2.5 million dollars. That’s chump change for a government that spends many times that on pork barrel projects yearly. But the government might be looking to cut their expenditures. Yeah right! The slowdown in the economy has many state governments running in the red. Yeah, blame the economy. States and the Federal government have been running in the red for decades.

In times like these we taxpayers are often asked to dig deep and accept tax increases as a way to balance our government budgets. Bush’s tax breaks for the wealthy are touted as a major contributor to our growing deficit. Unfortunately, like for many global warming alarmists, the facts are not on the tax and spend crowd’s side of the balance sheet.

For you see, there is no shortage of money pouring to the federal coffers. Like the Katrina bloated waters of Lake Pontchartrain filling the gumbo bowl of the Big Easy, Bush’s so-called tax breaks for the rich, like Ronald Reagan’s and John Kennedy’s before him, had money flooding in. Government revenues continue to rise.

Unfortunately, as fast as they are rising, Congress continues to spend like Mardi Gras partiers on Bourbon Street. They are drunk with power and looking for votes by endowing their constituents with pork they same way women at Carnival seek beads with their endowments.

Take a look at these figures from the Congressional Budget Office’s website (sorry it is 2 am and I don't feel like designing a real table here). It shows, in billions of dollars the revenues and outlays of the Federal Government.

Year Revenue Outlay
2001 1,991.4 1,863.2
2002 1,853.4 2,011.2
2003 1,782.5 2,160.1

As fast as revenues are growing, expenditures are outpacing them.

In coming months we undoubtedly will hear talk of stimulus packages, tax increases of all sorts and, dreaded most of all by the suckers of bead covered pork teats, budget cuts. The mammoth proposed stimulus package will add real dollars to our deficit. Dollars we don’t have. The tax increases will be real in that they will take more money for the pockets of all levels of income earners. And the budget cuts will be political double speak that is more nonsensical than a voodoo priestesses chant that you can hear for $25 off Rampart Street in the French Quarter.

For you see, a budget cut in government parlance is really just a cut in the proposed amount of increase. There really isn’t a cut at all. In 2006, the Federal Government gave schools $12.7 billion for Title One programs. Bush froze that amount in his 2007 budget and this was referred to as a budget cut. Government spending on education rose from $786 million to $797 million between the two years. Damn GW Bush and his lack of concern for the children. Just once I’d like to see a government cut that actually reduces the amount we are spending!

Tax increases aren’t a solution and tax cuts aren’t the problem. The problem is a government comprised of spendaholics and Keynsian pump primers. Every morning during the pre-Lenten party the street washers move up and down Bourbon and in the light of day it is amazing to see the aftermath of an out of control drunkfest attended by people whose only thought was of their own Bacchanalian experience. I hope that when we as a nation finally “see the light” regarding our governments excess and similar focus on today’s desires that we have enough capitalist freedom left to employ our own set of street cleaners to once again put a shine our economy.

S2

Where’s my wig young man, I’m so cold my false teeth are chattering.

I got in to a discussion the other day about whether the voting age in our country should be lowered. One argument was that sixteen year olds can drive cars, they work and they pay taxes on the wages they earn. Denying them the right to vote while taxing their burger flipping pay equates to taxation without representation. While that may be a good point, I say, “screw ‘em, they are just kids and don’t have enough experience to make an educated decision”. I know, my argument holds liquid about as well and as long as a freshly opened beer bottle in my right hand but that isn’t the point. As a society, we’ve deemed age eighteen as the point where an individual becomes an adult and thereby receives the full benefits of adulthood and the responsibilities as well. In essence we’ve stated that this is the amount of life experience it takes to become informed.

If you think back to the days when our constitution was written, people died younger. Eighteen years old was nearly half a lifetime. To maintain consistency, with life expectancy in the United States approaching 80 years perhaps it is time to raise the voting age to around 40 (and 65 in Florida).

You may say that someone can educate and inform themselves through study but it is only through experience where one learns how to cut through the bias and bull that exists in most curricula. Education is only as good as the information that is used to educate.

For this reason I say a better suggestion than elevating the voting age would be to raise the age requirement to be a climatologist to about 2,456,454 years. Al “yeah I can’t believe they gave me a Nobel Prize either” Gore and his global alarmist crowd are basing their theories on hundreds of years of data, not the millions that the world has been around.

I’ve been collecting global cooling headlines for the past few months and the stack of papers is now so high it is blocking the heating vent and I am freezing my butt off. Just today we see headlines about snow in Las Vegas, snow in Malibu, snow in New Orleans and snow in Chicago. Ok, so no big whoop with it snowing in Chicago in December, but you get my point!

When you hear the warming alarmists warming up their arguments, I suggest you ask them how far back their data goes. Hell, every time I see a painting of George Washington he’s got a thick coat on and there’s snow on the ground. I’m thinking that’s why all those guys wore the wigs; they were fashionable and warm! 2008 will be the coolest year of the decade but according to the warming crowd it may still be too late. Thankfully there are cooler heads in this argument but the media doesn’t cover them as hotly as they do those ranting hysterically about GW. Not GW Bush, the other dangerous one: Global Warming.

So while NASA quietly revises temperature charts, I think we should only listen to climatologists who were around when man first created fire to take the frost off the pumpkin on those chilly early morning Mastodon hunts.

It’s a shame the world may be cooling. I’d hate to think this was a bad investment?

By the way, the real story of today is not this insipid little topic. Check out a story here that really matter and will make you so hot under the collar you personally may contribute to the melting polar ice caps.

S2

What's that? You have a life?

Sorry no 1000 words of pseudo-wisdom today. Work got in the way. I promise a good one tomorrow but, for now, mark your calendars for this.....(only 8 months away)

My patience for this patient's treatment is wearing thin

Is there a doctor in the house? Not a medical doctor but an economic one. One that isn't involved in politics would be preferred as it seems the current crop of economic advisers, specialists and bald headed witch doctors are killing their patient: the United States Economy!

Chief resident Paulson recently announced the patient has stabilized but he's been woefully wrong in his diagnosis before and his suggested method of treatment seems to change weekly. There are still several cancerous tumors growing and I'm afraid the treatment will be worse than this insidious disease.

I know several cancer survivors and recently saw a friend who is undergoing chemotherapy at a mutual friend's wedding. She looked like someone in the battle of her life for her life. Her prognosis, thank God, is good but to judge solely on how she looks you'd think there was no chance.

The entire scope of my medical knowledge was acquired peeking through the slot in the drapes at the cute lady patient next to me in the hospital when I had surgery on my Achilles tendon a few years ago. That stated, it is my extremely simplistic understanding that the theory behind chemotherapy is that it basically kills the patient while killing the cancer. The hope is the cancer dies first. A guy who claimed to be a doctor at the bar last night said that surgery to remove a cancerous tumor is always preferred to this radical solution but, once the cancer has spread so far, there is no other option. I guess it would be somewhat of a malpractice to start with chemo as a first choice.

Right now we've an infirmed capitalist system in our country. Several large tumors have appeared. The treatments the brain surgeons in our government have come up with are more akin to chemotherapy than surgery. By George "what the hell am I thinking" Bush's own admission, he has sacrificed free-market principles in order to save the economy. I refer those of you with public school educations to the preceding paragraph and ask, "Isn't this killing the free-market in an effort to save it?"

Unfortunately, the large tumors of the financial and auto industries are masking an even bigger cancer; big government and the socialist wannabees who are coming to power. They see the chemo of increased spending and government control of the markets as a long term medicine and, once we've been exposed to that virus, the cure is a difficult prescription to fill.

I'm not a licensed doctor but I did stay at Holiday Inn Express last night and I suggest starving the cancer (the economical equivalence of an operation) by letting it fend for itself. There is every chance these industries will cure themselves. Too radical an approach will not save them, it will only delay their inevitable demise.

For those of you unconvinced, I offer the words of someone who, like most people, is a lot smarter than me. I implore you, take seven minutes and watch this. It is very informative and reinforces my opinion that my college admitted socialist Macro Economics professor was full of crap.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s most biased of them all?

I love reading web sites that represent the far opposites in the political and social spectrums. The same issue that the mainstream media reports with their own slant and that Fox news tends to report more unbiased is commented upon with such divergent opinions by each side that Sybil would run out of personalities trying to keep up with them all. Of course these individuals’ underlying take on each issue is clouded by the prism of individual opinion that they see it through. So unless the realm of your personal experience is as blind as the Governor of New York, you too see things based on your experience.

Many of us have the ability to trip the light fantastic in another’s dancing shoes and can see both sides of an issue. It is those who live out on the edges of social issues like fifth graders at their first coed dance clinging to the wall surrounded by others of their gender who are afraid to move in to the center of the room to see who is on the other side of an issue’s dance card and, per chance, share a bit of boogie with them. Where it used to take two sides to tango, these internet extremists seem content to get their freak on alone in on-sided commentary with others Billy Idolizing the same single-mindedly opinionated God.

Where the internet was supposed to spawn discussion and exploration of opinion it has devolved into polarized camps where any exploration to “the other side” is met with an attack more fierce than that launched upon a Postman by a berate Chihuahua. It seems the opinionated have found their electronic doppelgangers and are content sharing their schadenfreude in unified encampments. Left is left, right is right and in the Barrack rooms of the net, never the twain shall meet.

Take just about any issue and examples of these opposite opinions are usually as easy to find as Bling on a Rapper; except, mind you, in the main stream media. If a right-wing nut bag zealot would have burned the pulpit from which the not so Reverend Jeremiah “God Damn Amerikkka” Wright sermonized would the media have been as uncaring as they’ve been regarding the burning of the Wasilla Bible Church where Sarah “there’s Russia right there” Palin worships regularly? I guess they know the folks in Alaska have thick skins under their thick winter coats.

They know because after Saturday Night Live lambasted the state in general and Todd “yeah, being first dude is cool” Palin specifically, they took it in stride and even laughed a bit. Not so with those on the Daily Cause (purposely misspelled to avoid search engines) and others whose eyes are spurting blood after a roasting of New York Governor Paterson. It was purile but that’s exactly what SNL is all about. They claim skits like this will perpetuate stereotypes and encourage discrimination. I’ll discuss the stereotype issue with my conservative, half-witted, Southern inbred brother-in-law while we pray over a meal of poached deer before heading to our Klan meeting and get right back at you on it.

If you think I am being sensitive, look at the comments made on extremist sites after Sandra “you’re a lesbian? Big surprise there!” Bernhardt’s suggestion Sarah Palin be gang raped versus when Bill "what say you" O’Reilly said, "I Don't Want To Go On A Lynching Party Against Michelle Obama Unless There's Evidence". I do suggest you read sites on both sides of the spectrum to see how each support free speech when it agrees with them.

Just like shoes on an opinionated Iraqi reporter, there are two size 10 sides to every issue. Where I see a brave President laughing and calmly ducking a Tom McCann curve ball better than Ben Stiller ever could, others bemoan the puss arm this outspoken protester throws with. Some say the reporter was right to point out the horrific way Bush walked all over the country. Others point out if this had been done in any other Arab country (you know the one’s GWB didn’t “invade”) he wouldn’t need his shoes as his tootsies would be six feet underground by now. Thank God it wasn't a sandwich!

I doubt any of us has the ability to see equally both sides of every issue. Bias prevents this but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Just don't let partisanship blind you the possibility there are redeeming values in other opinions. Don't surround yourself with sycophants. Seek out opinions and have discussions and you'll be amazed at how many lives you can touch when your vision is improved with the contact lenses of an open mind.


S2

Look, up in the sky, it's a birdbrained, a plain stupid and Superbad stimulus

All superheroes need a catch phrase. Superman has “up, up and away”. Bruce Banner’s Hulk says, “You won’t like me when I am angry”. “We are the future” was uttered only once by X-Men’s Magneto but it fit so well. And who can forget Conan invoking his God on frequent occasion saying, “By Crom” before severing a limb or a head.
The Thing said “It’s clobberin’ time”. But what catch phrase will be associated with The ONE. At present, our nation’s newest superhero, Barack “The ONE” Obama, seems taken with Buzz Lightyear’s “To infinity and beyond”; at least when he is talking about government spending.


In his mild mannered community organizer alter ego days he spoke often about change. This change message continued through is super ego days as a state and national senator. Now that he is free of the mask of the political candidate, The ONE is beginning to act like the ultra ego, trying not to chain smoke savior that many feel was elected.

Coming faster than a speeding bullet the unstoppable stimulus package is growing to a height that even superman would need several bounds to clear. On Tuesday, November 18th, it was reported The ONE wanted $300 Billion dollars as a stimulus package. This figure was, at the time, twice the size of most of the proposals floated by those of his own party in Congress. One week later, that figure Hulked up to $500 Billion. It was $600 Billion on December 11th. One day later it hit ONE TRILLION dollars!

My spidey sense is tingling and it isn’t in that good Kirsten Dunst in a rain soaked shirt kind of way. It is a “where’s a real hero when you need one” feeling. Smallville may be Superman’s hometown but it is nowhere near where the size of our government is going to be should The ONE get his way and, from the looks of it, his minions are poised to truly be his boy and girl wonders.

We can only hope the Republicans in the Senate and House have a supply of Kryptonite laced moves to derail the coming train of spending.

Until then, we will have to be our own superheroes. If you want to come up with a catch phrase of your own, go here for help. If you do, send me your phrase so I know what to yell when you fly by.

S2

First things first!

You can't pick up a newspaper or turn on the news without a headline about the Big Three Auto bailout and the crisis situation screaming out at you louder than a proposition 8 protester walking past a Mormon temple.

I've espoused my opinions on this in earlier posts so you'll have no surprise when I say huzzah and hooray to Senate Republicans and their standing up for limited government in a way they've not had the fortitude to do in a long time. They've been vilified by the unions, the media, true liberal heavy Michael "Canada and Cuba are so much better" Moore and by the Democratic leadership. People like Harry Reid, the senate top dog.


Harry seems to be right on top of this whole crisis situation. After a bill failed to pass today in the Senate, Harry said it was "a loss for the country," adding: "I dread looking at Wall Street tomorrow. It's not going to be a pleasant sight." Then he hopped on a plane back to Nevada for the Christmas holiday confident that George "I don't care that the people's representatives have vote, I'll do what I want" Bush would pick up the slack and use TARP funding to carry the load.

It just seems interesting to me that this huge crisis, the one the Senate has been spending all its time on, can now suddenly wait until January. I'm all for family time but let's talk about priorities here!

Speaking of priorities, I was glad to see in reading this proposal that U.S. District Court Judges were well taken care of. That's right, included in the Auto Bailout bill was a pay raise for judges! It isn't uncommon for completely unrelated items to be included in major bills but that doesn't make it any less aggravating to see it here. Of course the Congress' pay raise of nearly $5,000 was taken care of a long time ago. Remember, priorities. Let's hope poor Harry isn't on his way to Hawaii.

Can you fit a square pigeon in to a round hole?

Take a look at this guy…



And this guy….



And him.



Admit it, the second you saw these photos several beliefs regarding them entered your mind. Your personal biases exposed themselves. All three images were found by searching internet dating sites. In no particular order I found them:

One is from Yahoo Personals. Posing as an adult woman, as opposed to the 16 year old cheerleader I usually portray in online, I looked for a man with a post-graduate degree, full time employment and making over $100,000 a year.

One is from Gay.com where I searched for a man in my zip code. No other options for a search were provided. I guess the guys on that site aren’t as picky as the women on Yahoo. More options might have been available had I actually joined the site but…I wasn’t about to do that.

The third is from LDS Singles.com and I looked for a guy 21-61 in my zip code. I guess the Mormons are about as picky as the gay guys although I did have to join, the site not the religion, in order to view any results. I signed up Mrs. Bald Man just in case the missionaries are about to be dispatched to our house.

My lawyer says it is better that I don’t post the links directly to their profiles nor should I identify which one came from which search. I will let your imaginations run wild as to who is who but I will say my lawyer is the one who told me Gay.com existed.

The point of this exercise is to begin a discussion about stereotypes and biases. I’ll admit it, I place people in to pigeon holes within 3 minutes of meeting them and I base a lot of the interactions I have with them according to which hole they've been assigned. I like to think I am good at it. In fairness, the three photos above were picked because they make a snap judgment virtually impossible. I am sure if you actually met the three men in question the site that they were found on would be as clear as the nose on a person of Middle Eastern descent whose religious affiliation is not Muslim’s face.

In today’s climate of political correctness and diversity training, stereotyping and profiling are practices so infuriating they’d make my lawyer throw a hissy fit. But face it; stereotypes exist because they reflect a predilection or commonality that resides within a certain community. Often there are historical or social reasons for the development of these traits and, over time, given the intermingling of races, societies and cultures that we have today, the prominence of these traits are lessened. That said, stereotypes provide us with a baseline on which to form an opinion that is as clear as any photograph taken by a Japanese tourist.

Not every Italian is mute without his hands. Not every Irishman is a big drinker. Not everyone who voted for Obama was ill-informed and stupid. There’s a large enough percentage of each of these though that makes there continued use as a reference valid and accurate.

Stereotypes can be based on things other than nationality, race or sexual orientation. Think accountant. Think auto mechanic. Think stripper. I’m sure each of these occupations conjured an image in your mind and, unless you are my lawyer, the stripper was the most enticing. Stereotypes based on occupation are probably the most accurate of any as these are self-assigned in most cases. Certain types of people are drawn to certain occupations. Think radical religious suicide bomber.

Most of the time, the elimination of stereotypes and profiles serves one well in daily interactions. That guy in the next bathroom stall tapping his foot and waiving his hand under the divider who is setting off your Gaydar could simply be listening to his MP3 player and in need of toilet paper. Just as often our instincts, which are influenced heavily by our preconceived biases, serve us well too. If someone walks like a thug, talks like a thug and dresses like a thug, they are probably a thug; or a rapper.

Those of us clinging to our guns and bibles know full well that certain stereotypes are allowed in today’s society. Those of us who trod along slowly in an airport security line putting our 3.1 ounce zip locked baggy encased liquid bottles in the x-ray buckets wonder why others are not. I’ll type the requisite “not every Muslim is a terrorist line” but I do it grudgingly. I know full well not every Muslim is a terrorist. However, in the past 30 years, nearly every terrorist who has been worth his 40 post-explosion virgins has been Muslim. For this reason, every time I see someone of Middle Eastern descent get upset when they are randomly selected for a more thorough pre-flight inspection complain I think, “what an Ass.” And every time I see a pasty white suburban housewife with three kids in tow and a WWJD sticker on her suitcase submit without complaint to the same random pre-flight search I think, “What an ass” and “I wonder if she ever was a stripper”.

If I wear a raincoat and carry a camera to an elementary school playground on a sunny day, I should expect to be looked at with a jaundiced and skeptical eye by those around me. Simply being in an airport and getting on a plane is not a crime for anyone who is Muslim. But I think they should understand when they are looked at a bit differently. It is because of others in their faith that this is happening. Perhaps if they spoke out a bit more, this stereotype would be proven false and we could change from thinking Muslim = Terrorist to Muslim = “those guys who stop and face Mecca all the time”.

S2

It's all about the Big O

It is 3:37 am in chilly Denver, Colorado and I have been tossing and turning all night long. I just can’t quit wondering, “What’s eating Oprah?” I mean, we know what she’s been eating; everything! Its just the Queen of all the media for people who don’t watch real media seems a bit upset lately and I can’t understand why. Her boy Barack “Illinois has a governor?” Obama won and she will be in Washington hosting her show for his inauguration. I am sure BHO will see fit she gets a ticket for any ball she’d like to attend and it’s not like she can’t afford to have her gown for the evening let out a bit.

Things seem to have settled down at her Taj Mahal of a school in Johannesburg. The adage “no news is good news” is virtually guaranteed when nobody at the place has access to email or cell phones. No news also means the head mistress there was never charged with doing anything other than being strict and disappointing Oprah.

And she seems to be scraping by in these tough financial times. She’ll be coming in to her OWN in a few years and, if a half-black man can be elected President, who knows what Oprah will accomplish now that she has been unleashed!

So why does the Queen need to whine about Sarah “I am back within spitting view of Russia” Palin going on other shows to give interviews? It isn’t like she didn’t have the chance to interview her back when she was thin Oprah. You know, back when it would have mattered like when she interviewed Barack Obama. Back when she didn’t want to use her show as a political forum. So now, fat Oprah is lamenting that La Governess Bonita went elsewhere to talk about herself. I guess it is Oprah’s turn to get schooled that there are consequences to your actions.

Of course Ms Winfrey’s mind probably began to be troubled back in January when she endorsed The ONE. The comments section of her website lit up more brightly than the National Christmas tree after Nancy "deer in the headlights" Pelosi finally figured out how to turn the switch with comments berating her for abandoning Hillary in her time of need. My guess is these malcontents were just frustrated meat eaters seeking to extract a pound of flesh when they could.



I accidently picked up Mrs. Bald Man’s copy of O magazine in the bathroom a few months ago. I figured since I was going to be there for a while I might as well see what all the fuss was about. A half hour later I emerged dreaming of Tom Cruise, teary eyed with a new cookie recipe that I had to bake immediately. I realize now I just needed the food to comfort my unease with my body issues. I wish I'd had a shoulder to cry on.

My posts, like our initial invasion in Iraq, don’t usually come with an exit strategy. I’m not sure why I even care that Oprah is now fat and upset she can’t talk to the governor of a state that isn’t even on the route past fly over country. I guess it just irks me to see yet another narcissistic television star put herself out there and not expect a backlash. It is no Secret the Queen’s latest binge was supposedly brought on by being diagnosed with thyroid problems. Like me and my resolution to my body issue psychosis, brought on by reading O to start with, she turned to food. In the coming months we’ll all be subject to her brave battle back to thinness through personal trainers, personal chefs and couch jumping with Tom Cruise.

I do wish her a healthy recovery from fat. If only fat Elvis has been so brave we might still have the King around. But I think the Big O's constant battle with the Big O of being Overweight is detrimental to the many people who truly struggle to maintain healthy weight. Regular folk who will be forced to watch the coronation of The ONE at home on the couch with a bag of Cheesy Poofs and the cat on their lap and not being chauffeured around from ball to ball chatting about global warming. I just hope this isn’t the start of the Oprah’s School Girl diet craze.

S2

It's my party and I'll whine if i want to

Is it me or does the media following the current holder of the Office of President-elect around remind you of those Verizon commercials with that crowd of people always showing up? Yep, they are a group of sycophants sharing a collective vision for our country.

It will only get worse come the inauguration. The January 20th party, in addition to being the start of the recovery, is on track to be one hell of a partaayyy. In recent weeks the media has held details of the expenditures closer to the vest than a paranoid internet poker player who covers his monitor “just in case”. I guess the fourth estate is gambling nobody will notice their hypocrisy in how they are covering BHO’s big bash versus how they covered GWB’s. What a difference four years can make in attitude.

Bars are being allowed to stay open all night, they are looking for parking for 10,000 charter buses and hotels are booked as far away as Philadelphia. 1300 groups have applied to march. Wow. It is exciting to see this enthusiasm and could be easy to get caught up in. But where is the questioning of the appropriateness of these expenses like there was when Dubya was holding his soiree? I guess since the media is smack dab in the center of this party with lampshades on their heads, they don’t realize how loud it has gotten. In fact, they can't wait for it to get started!

Websites on the left that I refuse to mention per chance you’d go there and give them the traffic are celebrating that their tickets have arrived for the inaugural ball. These same sites had posts lamenting how many spotted owls could have been saved or tsunamis prevented for the millions spent on Bush’s party. I actually agree that these inaugurations have become far too extravagant. But I am not going to start bitching about it now just because my guy lost.

When Ronald “please let there be such a thing a reincarnation” Reagan took the oath of office in 1981 he stated "Government is not the solution to our problem. Government is the problem."

I am afraid our problems are just starting. Party on!

S2

F ‘em before they can F us

A group of our board members recently took on a construction project for a reception area at one of our largest offices. Busy little control freak beavers that they are, they felt it necessary to oversee the entire project. It wasn’t long until the project took on a life of its own with each member of the committee adding their own touches to it. After several re-designs and building delays, the project is now finished. It came in at ten times the original budget and our company slogan, the one they had etched in concrete, is wrong.


This same group has charge of one of our loosely held affiliates. A few years ago they put in place some new policies because they didn’t feel the affiliate was serving a broad enough customer base. Well, a few months ago, the affiliate, strapped for cash went before this same board and asked for a huge influx of cash to keep them from folding. Being it was a large holding, the board felt it had to give them the money. The board tried to blame the entire mess on the CEO. Their PR team is big at pushing papers so many of the stockholders believe it is his fault.

Right now this group is considering investing in a couple new businesses. These businesses are failing but the board thinks that an influx of our cash is just the thing they need to pull them through. Of course, they’ll demand management authority in return for the cash. With their track record should we let them take over?

You could be dimmer than the star on an atheist’s “there’s no such thing as Christmas” tree and still realize the board I am referring to is none other than the Legislative branch of our government. This collection of nitwits hasn’t successfully managed a single thing they’ve gotten their grimy little corrupt fingers on since the ink dried on the constitution they are supposed to be serving. Now, in these trying economic times, they want increased power, increase spending and plan to take control of private sector businesses. Maxine Waters admitted in session she wants to socialize the oil companies. The money being given to the Auto makers comes with the appointment of a car czar. They want to silence opposing voices through control of the airwaves. I hope to hell at least one of the last four sentences has gotten you riled, scared or running to the toilet!

Congress has been F’ing us royally for decades. They …

fouled up Social Security by robbing Peter’s lock box to pay for Paul’s conspicuous consumption. They …

failed to be judicious managers of the monies we sent them; spending like drunken sailors on shore leave in a South Pacific port town. They …
fixed campaign finance rules to increase their reelection war chests to a size that would make Dolly Parton jealous. They …

fought every effort to increase our supply of domestic oil at a time of growing energy costs. They…

feign indignation when their own are caught with their hands in the public’s pocket and they …

forgive and forget those indiscretions as soon as they are out of the headlines.

The latest proposed stimulus package and their effort to manage the big 3 out of their problems is the biggest F of them all; the one that should keep you up at night.

Dreadlocked war protesters and pink shirted biddies have been using this F word regarding G. W. Bush for years. Unfortunately, like most things, they’ve no clue what they are talking about.
The big F here is for Fascism.

The left calling Bush a fascist and the right calling the current ideas being floated by congress and Obama socialist are both wrong.

Fascism is a more subtle form of government ownership than socialism. Socialism is a system in which the government owns and controls the means of production. Fascism is a system in which government leaves nominal ownership of the means of production in the hands of private individuals but exercises much control and reaps most of the profit by means of heavy taxation. Think of your mother-in-law and you’ll get the point.

It is fascist the way government is hoping to take over via regulatory control major businesses. So what can we do about it?

It might not seem like it but I choose the titles of these posts very carefully. When I say F ‘em, I mean Fire them. We just had an election and, once again, incumbents won a majority of the contests. Two years from now, when the next round of congressional elections happens, vote for the challenger. I don’t care if they are Republican, Democrat, Independent or Libertarian. You have my permission to ignore Socialist, Green and Communist candidates. We need to clean house and get government back under the control of we the people. We have to wait two years for our chance but that gives us lots of time to watch the F'ers

I realize there is not a single link in this post and it isn’t very funny. Sorry. I am in Denver, it is snowing, my skis are in Utah and I have the world’s slowest internet connection tonight. I will make up for it tomorrow.

S2

Is the Sunday paper here? I need to clean the birdcage.

The philosophy of "out of sight, out of mind" is just another way we fool ourselves that things aren't important. Pull up the sofa cushions and I bet a river of memories come flooding back based on the food, receipts and ear rings you find stashed there. Memories that, once the visual stimulus is gone, are pushed to the deep abyss of one's mind like the dust devils we sweep under the carpet just before company arrives.

As a society, we've declared the remembrance of certain events sacrosanct. For years the media, tenders of our collective memory, have seen fit to remind us of these events with the subtlety of a hooker approaching a conventioneer in a Las Vegas nightclub. Headlines serve as flashcards of constant learning for the most important of events. Earth Day, Saint Patrick's Day, New Year's and soon Obama Day will never be forgotten because the media will jog our memory away from the mundane news of Britney, Paris and O.J. back to what is meaningful.

The media swung a broadsword in their unabashed push for The One this past election cycle. It is easy to see what they deem important. It is also easy to see what they don't.



Today should be a day of remembrance. In 1941, 2403 soldiers and innocents died in the dawn raid at Pearl Harbor. Until the 2001 attack on September 11th this was the single largest death toll of any attack on our shores. The blue waters of Hawaii cover the evidence of this tragedy more effectively than a black outfit hides rolls of fat for Oprah when she is off her diet.

I took a look at the web sites for the top 15 newspapers in the United States according to circulation. These include the USA Today, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Dallas Morning New and the Atlanta Journal Constitution. Not a single one had a major headline regarding Pearl Harbor and only the USA Today and Wall Street Journal had any mention at all about the attacks on their home pages. I did learn that Chickens do more than cross the road and read a discussion about who should perform at the inauguration in the LA Times and Atlanta Journal Constitution respectfully. I think Barbara Streisand ought to come out of retirement yet again to perform. The DC police are worried about crowd control and I am sure she will help clear the streets.

Last September the headlines regarding the attacks by Islamic Terrorists in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania received less coverage than the year before. The footage of the planes hitting the World Trade Center ought to be mandatory viewing once a month but there is an unwritten agreement to avoid discussing it the same way Carmella Soprano refused to discuss Tony's late night business meetings. Our nation has the memory of an Alzheimer patient and the media is nurse Ratchet handing out placebos.

Is it any wonder every newspaper in the country is seeing huge declines in readership? With the power to influence comes the great responsibility to wield this power as a pen of unbiased reporting and not a sword of political and social desire.

The Chicago Tribune announced this weekend they have hired a bankruptcy attorney. Maybe if they, and the other print media, would spend less time trying to influence us and more time reporting so we could make up our own minds they wouldn't be experiencing the loss in readership they are.

Do me a favor, keep reminding everyone of what is important to remember.

Stop them if you've heard this before

**Updated: See end of post**

There’s that old saying that goes something like “those who don’t learn from history are destined to go in to politics”. The problem with history is that, the way it is taught in most schoolrooms, it is so boring as to make a student look forward to English class. Another problem is that as time goes by there seems to be more of it to learn.

There is another saying that says “history belongs to the victors”. The very idea that history may not actually be historically accurate is disturbing but we can talk about that another time. For now I am going to hold to the fact that Greta Garbo, Betty Grable and Audrey Hepburn were in fact hot.

As just announced by The One, come January our country is going to be bellying up to the political poker table for a round of new “New Deal” gambles that will make the old New Deal look like an office football pool. For decades, we’ve been taught that the New Deal brought us out of recession and put the United States on a winning streak. The truth may be that just the opposite happened. The New Deal prolonged the depression. I guess time does change everything. Where is a good history teacher when you need one?

Sometimes people fail to see the lessons in more recent history. San Francisco is scenic, vibrant and full of wackos. If there is a far left, anti-capitalist, hate George W. Bush position to be found, it will be found in the city by the bay and with enough people behind it to put it to a public ballot. In addition to being home to not so family friendly events like the Folsom Street Fair and the Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgendered Pride Parade, the city where so many bleeding hearts have been left is full of bath houses, porno shops, massage parlors and is a place where the homeless have voice mail.

The tolerant in this town recently tried to legalize prostitution. They’ve already got gambling and decriminalized marijuana; why not go for the trifecta of vices? San Francisco wants to be a liberal nirvana where social injustice is as non-existent as the JROTC and conservative ideas are as popular as the decommissioned vessels that were responsible for keeping the freedoms that enable them to be this stupid.

All San Francisco needs to do is to look at how successful these policies have been elsewhere to see how wise they are being. How about Amsterdam? The similarities between the hedonistic city where they speak Dutch and the hedonistic city where gay couples often go Dutch are amazing. One problem though, Amsterdam has learned its lesson and is turning away from these activities while San Fran is on a trolley car of progressive ideals barreling toward them.

Thankfully there remain enough voters willing to stand guard at the Golden Gate of rational thinking to defeat many of the more radical propositions, but as New Deals are re-struck and the pendulum shifts further to the left, history may once again repeat itself.

Another example of not looking at recent history when making choices was left out of this post because I ran out of beer. Look here and here and draw your own conclusions.

The Power of Positive Drinking

I guess things suck right now. I don’t say this lightly. I got my information directly from “the experts” at “the source”. The source isn’t the Labor Department and it’s “let’s not rush to any judgment as to whether we are in a recession” analysts. It isn’t the Congress with representatives like Barney “Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are solid six months before we have to give them billions in bailout dollars” Frank or the Senate and guys like Chris “I didn’t get any special favors other than a sweet mortgage deal” Dodd. It isn’t even the all powerful United Nations.

“The Source” is the collective rum soaked brains of the Joes the Plumbers, Jims the Mechanics and Chads the Hairdressers down at the local bar. For you see in these vinyl covered, beer stained and matchbook balanced barstools sit people who have the answers to all the world’s problems. From how Penn State could have avoided blowing their national championship hopes in Iowa to determining if John F Kennedy is still alive and living with Elvis in a northern Michigan retirement home, these guys have the answers and are not afraid to share their opinions with you. They are also the guys who get drunk enough to fix the things they have control over.

The tone at the tavern has been a bit depressing lately. After the weekly Ginger or Maryanne discussion, the talk turns to how bad the market is, should the Big 3 be left to go bankrupt and how many rounds of ammunition is appropriate for a family of five where the teenage girl can shoot two handed. There seems to be no shortage of media inspired tales of woe and impending doom, and they’ve reach the realm of Cliff and Norm.

But get this: I know when the recession is going to end and I can predict to the day when the turnaround is going to start. I am not claiming psychic power. I don’t talk to the dead and, for the record, neither does Television’s fake spiritualist John Edward. He is a sham, a crook, a fraud and should be exposed as a flim-flam artist. Nor do I channel dead little girls to win multi-million dollar lawsuits like former presidential candidate John “my hair is perfect” Edwards. What is it with the name John Edward(s)? But, surprise, I’ve digressed.



The secret to my being able to predict when the economy will begin to turn around lies in my unwavering belief in the complete and utter bias of the major media in the United States and their desire to do everything in their power to have Barack Obama’s Presidency be a success. You don’t have to be Carnac the Magnificent to answer this question. The recession is going to end on January 20th, 2009 about 5 minutes after The One is sworn in. The skies will clear, the entranced mass in attendance will cheer and the media will declare the future so bright you will have to wear rose colored shades. Until then, expect stories of failure, despair and pink eye.

This may be a gross oversimplification of major economic issues and in conflict with the opinions of other conservative columnists but I am confident in my premonition and that the change in attitude by the media will have an effect. For while the tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing and yoga going aging hippies are whacked on almost every belief they have, they seem to have hit the nail on the Habitat for Humanity’s head in espousing the “Power of Positive Thinking”. It works.

Happiness is contagious. That’s why I usually sit on the side of the bar where the jolly drunks are. So too is a positive attitude. In between political thrillers I force myself to read a business book or a biography of someone who had had success in life. The constant in nearly every one of these success stories is attitude and a belief in the ability to succeed.

How can we, as a nation, hope to turnaround the slide to depression that we find ourselves on when all we hear is how bad the economy is, how far stocks are going to fall or how bad the new James Bond movie is? Phenomenally successful gadfly Rush Limbaugh treats recessions very effectively; he refuses to participate in them.

The swing from near death to once again a superstar for Britney “thank God for synthesized voice recordings” Spears shows the power of positive press and the value of a good PR person. Our economy could use a few cheerleaders too. Do we have problems? Of course we do. The engine of this great nation may be misfiring and in need of a tune up but the rest of the car is in good shape. The media, come January, will tell us to trust in our mechanic. I suggest a second opinion but I also suggest you keep driving.

Down at the tavern there are plenty of solutions being presented for just about any problem you can imagine. Not all of them are winners but how about this for a game plan: Go to the store, buy some beer, head over to a friend’s house and share with them the drink and some good news. Even if the only good news you have to share is that you’ve brought beer, at least you’ll be striking the right tone and recessions are good for your health.

S2