4 out of 5 experts agree that 4 out of 5 experts are experts

I've decided that I am going to be an expert. I haven't yet decided at what I am going to be one but it doesn't seem like it will be too hard to become one once I finally do decide. Thanks to internet chats and blogs, talk radio and 24 hour news channels there seems to be no shortage of experts. It's a cottage industry and in recent years experts are sprouting up faster than bachelors on a Viagra factory tour. You can't toss out a newspaper wrapped fish without one showing up before garbage day to proffer an opinion on the now odorous headline. In fact, I'll bet there are experts at finding experts for each of the media mentioned above. But don't worry, if you aren't sought out, your expertise can be self-proclaimed.

You too can be an expert. Look at some of the more recent experts of the day in the media and you'll see that immediate experience is of equal if not more value than long term experience, education or research. By the criteria of CNN, Fox News and MSNBC I am an expert in crime because my MP3 player was stolen from my hotel room this week and my flatulent dog knows as much about poison gas as Iraq's Dr. Death.

Ask a presidential candidate an innocent question about wealth redistribution and you'll be the whipping boy of just about every media outlet in the country. One month later instead of fixing a leaky faucet you'll be jetting off to the war zone of the Middle East as a reporter because you're an expert on media bias. The only prize likely to be awarded this war correspondent is a P U litzer. Hello America, this is common sense calling. Edward R. Murrow must be turning over in his grave. Good night and good luck to us all.

Comely conservative siren Ann Coulter has for years pointed out the absurd authority ascribed to the 9-11 widows. I am truly sorry for the losses experienced by families and friends from the horrific acts of Jihadist cowardice back in 2001. But losing a loved one to a terrorist act makes you no more an expert at terrorism than being flipped the bird by angry taxi driver makes you an expert at international relations.

Finally, if I see one more survivor from yesterday's plane dunking in the Hudson River on TV telling folks how they helped lead everyone to safety I am going to scream. By my current count there were 148 leaders on the plane and two followers in that crash. Good on the passengers for working together and not panicking, but again, are they now experts at airplane engine failure and evacuation and rescue techniques? Their full body baptisms in the frigid river has them speaking in forked tongues to whatever camera happens to be pointing in their general direction.

In four days the leader of the free world will be sworn in. Our leader, our political expert is 47 years of polish and style and very little substance. One speech in Boston created a leader. One speech does not an expert make.

Hey, maybe that is my expertise; taking any topic and turning it in to a potential criticism of PEBO!!!

Is the Sunday paper here? I need to clean the birdcage.

The philosophy of "out of sight, out of mind" is just another way we fool ourselves that things aren't important. Pull up the sofa cushions and I bet a river of memories come flooding back based on the food, receipts and ear rings you find stashed there. Memories that, once the visual stimulus is gone, are pushed to the deep abyss of one's mind like the dust devils we sweep under the carpet just before company arrives.

As a society, we've declared the remembrance of certain events sacrosanct. For years the media, tenders of our collective memory, have seen fit to remind us of these events with the subtlety of a hooker approaching a conventioneer in a Las Vegas nightclub. Headlines serve as flashcards of constant learning for the most important of events. Earth Day, Saint Patrick's Day, New Year's and soon Obama Day will never be forgotten because the media will jog our memory away from the mundane news of Britney, Paris and O.J. back to what is meaningful.

The media swung a broadsword in their unabashed push for The One this past election cycle. It is easy to see what they deem important. It is also easy to see what they don't.



Today should be a day of remembrance. In 1941, 2403 soldiers and innocents died in the dawn raid at Pearl Harbor. Until the 2001 attack on September 11th this was the single largest death toll of any attack on our shores. The blue waters of Hawaii cover the evidence of this tragedy more effectively than a black outfit hides rolls of fat for Oprah when she is off her diet.

I took a look at the web sites for the top 15 newspapers in the United States according to circulation. These include the USA Today, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Dallas Morning New and the Atlanta Journal Constitution. Not a single one had a major headline regarding Pearl Harbor and only the USA Today and Wall Street Journal had any mention at all about the attacks on their home pages. I did learn that Chickens do more than cross the road and read a discussion about who should perform at the inauguration in the LA Times and Atlanta Journal Constitution respectfully. I think Barbara Streisand ought to come out of retirement yet again to perform. The DC police are worried about crowd control and I am sure she will help clear the streets.

Last September the headlines regarding the attacks by Islamic Terrorists in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania received less coverage than the year before. The footage of the planes hitting the World Trade Center ought to be mandatory viewing once a month but there is an unwritten agreement to avoid discussing it the same way Carmella Soprano refused to discuss Tony's late night business meetings. Our nation has the memory of an Alzheimer patient and the media is nurse Ratchet handing out placebos.

Is it any wonder every newspaper in the country is seeing huge declines in readership? With the power to influence comes the great responsibility to wield this power as a pen of unbiased reporting and not a sword of political and social desire.

The Chicago Tribune announced this weekend they have hired a bankruptcy attorney. Maybe if they, and the other print media, would spend less time trying to influence us and more time reporting so we could make up our own minds they wouldn't be experiencing the loss in readership they are.

Do me a favor, keep reminding everyone of what is important to remember.