We can't all just get along. Why?

I have two of the nicest dogs around. Both of them have lived their lives in the presence of cats and the fabled irreconcilable differences between the canines and the felines is anything but a fine line in the sand.

In recent months there has been a parade of foster kittens and their moms marching through our house. There is more in species fighting amongst the cats than inter-species conflicts involving the wet nosed crotch sniffers. That is not to say that there aren't flare ups.

As the kittens get more bold they begin to expand their roaming into areas often occupied by a sleeping, and much larger, dog. To say that the 50-60 pound barker could dispatch of a still wobbly pound and a half meower faster than 9 six-week long lives could pass before their eyes probably goes without saying. Yet interestingly, the two dogs have different levels of aggravation with the little future fur ball hurlers.

One dog, immediately upon seeing a kitten approach whatever area of floor he has most recently claimed as his sleeping quarters, growls in the low guttural way that states further trespass will be met with retribution that is swift, painful and complete. It isn't long until he is given a wide berth during all exploratory ventures.

The other dog tends to be more forgiving. He tries to get along a bit more. Of course, the very nature of a kitten is to experiment how to kill anything it encounters and it isn't long until the dog's tail or ear becomes a sacrifice to learning the way of the hunt.

What, you are probably asking, does any of this have to do with issues relevant enough to be placed into a soon to be highly read, award winning and often quoted blog such as No Mato Mi Pavo? Allow me to bring this post full circle with a close so perfectly fitting Jessica Simpson could only hope to have a tailor so skilled.

The different approaches of the dogs, and the reactions they receive, reflect well the approaches to the war on terror and the Axis Of Evil by former President George W Bush and the current and already deemed best ever President Barak Obama; two men breeds apart in this effort. The first ever African American President Obama went on Arab television to show he is open to talk. In the campaign it was stated Obama would meet with "no pre-existing conditions" with the nut in charge of Iran. During his inaugural address, The ONE said he was willing to extend a diplomatic hand to Tehran if the Islamic republic is ready to "unclench its fist".

George W. Bush was less conciliatory.

Iran, of course, is the kitten in this cast of four legged characters. These pussies are hell bent on killing the non-believer and Achmawhackjob, their leader, has openly expressed his desire to hasten the return of the 12th Iman. While the United States was growling and it was clear we had a bite to back up our bark, Iran kept its claws retracked, for the most part.

The recent extension of a paw of discussion by our understanding leader was scratched at so fast as to make our collective tails spin. Animals understand there is a heirarchy in the world and that the strong does, in fact, hold dominion over the weak. If our Alpha dog continues to capitulate the superior power of our country to a country led by a man hell bent on our destruction the "dog house" of our current economic situation will be the least of our problems requiring burying in the backyard.

Discovery is stimulating

So much is being written about the coming so-called stimulus package and whether or likely not it will actually stimulate the economy.

In addition to the many pork like expenditures in the package are payments to encourage the development of more "green" technologies to help remove our dependence on foreign oil. I'll avoid the long discussion of how we have several untapped and potentially large fields of black gold right under our noses and simply ask this, "Why does it take government money to encourage these developments?"

New sources of energy are coming and it is independent research fueling the efforts and some of these discoveries are quite interesting. Check out here, here and definitely here.

To the victors go the spoils that spoil the victors

At the White House last week a few Senate Republicans, realizing they weren't actually eunuchs, found the testicular fortitude to question our first African American President on his lack of support for more tax cuts. Obama attempted to neuter this argument, cutting the questioners to the proverbial quick with faster than the vets at the Humane Society makes the neighborhood safe from Sparky's antics, with the simple statement, "I won the election".

Unlike the Senate vote in Minnesota, you can't argue that fact: The ONE did win. But does that victory mean everything he wants is now a fait accompli? If you listen to the mainstream media it would seem so. For in their eyes, in briss-like timing, on the Eight Day God created Obama!

House Republicans held ranks closer than overweight soldiers in a very small foxhole amid an artillery shower by voting unanimously against the pork laden, over inflated and sure to fail Stimulus Package. Unfortunately the same strategy may bomb in the Senate where go along to get along Republicans are likely to cross enemy lines and surrender their principles with a white flag vote for the package. We can only hope these usually free stepping turncoats decide that, on occasion, lock step is a good thing and that all the Republican Senators keep formation and vote no.

While all our attention is focused, as it should be, on the discussions in Congress over this attack on our capitalist economic system that is the winner's top priority, there remain numerous examples of hypocrisy, hubris and half-wittedness in the new administration that beg to be commented on.

As mentioned in a previous blog under the definition of hypocrisy, the President recently signed an Executive Order that "forbids anyone on his team from working in an agency or on a program for which they lobbied in the last two years". How then is it that there is little questioning or outrage that in the past few days "a number of exceptions have been granted, with the administration conceding at least two waivers and that a handful of other appointees will recuse themselves from dealing with matters on which they lobbied within the two-year window." I guess it shouldn't matter. After all, Obama did win the election.

While on the campaign trail discussing global warming, the then first African American candidate with a real chance of being elected President Obama said, "“We can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times … and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK.”

“That’s not leadership. That’s not going to happen,” he added.

Just this week, the recently inaugurated first African American President Obama chided Washington, DC area schools for canceling classes due to inclement weather saying, "“Because of what? Because of some ice?” He said Sasha, his 7-year-old, pointed out that in Chicago, not only is school never canceled for snow, “you’d go outside for recess. You wouldn’t even stay indoors.”

The tough talking first African American President was exposed to be a bit thin blooded when, in an effort to explain the new casual dress code in the Oval Office Senior Advisor David Axelrod stated, "“He’s from Hawaii, O.K.? He likes it warm. You could grow orchids in there.” So we won't be able to drive our SUVs and keep our houses warm but to avoid wearing a suit coat, and by extension showing the official office of the first African American the respect it deserves, the First African American Hawaiian President can crank up the heat to hot house levels. Then again, he did win.

Finally, in a have it your way celebration that makes the King of Burgers seem like a pauper, the First African American Hawaiian President to win office and members of Congress celebrated the passing of the soon to fail stimulus package with a $100 per serving cocktail party. I guess tiny cocktail weenies have no place in this White House although I believe they are readily available at the testosterone challenged soirees of Senate Republicans. (Before you write me letters, I know not all in the Senate are male but I couldn't figure out how to make the symbolism work in a gender neutral way. Deal with it.) On the bright side, it seems some Senators get it although they did join in the extravaganza. I suppose the over the top, budget be damned party is understandable because...

say it together...

Obama won the election.

S2

A definitive work on the state of current affairs

Every year the folks over at Oxford House take time out from crank calling the guys over at Merriam Webster's to wreak havoc on Scrabble players around the world by changing the words in their dictionary. I suppose there has to be a relation between completeness and portability in determining how many words can and should be included in a printing of a new dictionary edition. At some point the tome will be too large to be effectively handled by a young skull full of mush as he and his classmates attempt to look up the dirty words they heard the older students uttering on the playground during recess.

In reality, modern day publications are more dust collectors residing on a shelf as students look on-line for definitions of the aforementioned swear words. Online they get the video version, proper pronunciation and the ability to translate it into several languages as well. So while I understand the addition of words to properly reflect changing language patterns, colloquialisms and technological and social discoveries I don't understand the elimination of words. Do words lose importance simply because they've fallen out of favor? If thou hast not in a fortnight had occasion to anatomize the descant of the nuncio then per chance such speak shall be cast to the crowner and its passing tang morose for the emptiness it leaves. (Get thee to a Shakespeare translator if you care that much; but really I made it up.)

I don't know that I'd care much that the official reference for the spoken and written word is a compilation that lives and breaths as much at the United States Constitution if not for the fact that, like those trying to change our country's founding document, the keepers of the type setting machine seemingly have an agenda. Recent additions to the Oxford University Press Junior Addition are: Blog, broadband, MP3 player, voicemail, attachment, database, export, chatroom, bullet point, cut and paste and analogue. Other than analogue, who's days are as surely numbered as my non-cable ready television set, most of these words will be relevant for years to come. But with every addition there seems to be some culling required.

To make room for the new words just mentioned, these words were removed: Abbey, aisle, altar, bishop, chapel, christen, disciple, minister, monastery, monk, nun, nunnery, parish, pew, psalm, pulpit, saint, sin, devil and vicar. I may not be able to spot a trend in a stock's price to earning ratio but even I can see there is "something" similar about this list of now obsolete words. Who knows what will be eliminated now that transhumanism, brewski, grab-ass and MILF were added in December.

As one with an agenda of my own, I offer to the folks at Oxford some modern day examples of definitions for their consideration:

Irony: Al Gore's report before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on the "urgent need" to combat global warming being postponed due to a prediction of significant snowfall, sleet and ice accumulations.

Hypocrisy: Multiple examples are provided by Timothy "I didn't read the Turbo Tax instruction manual" Geithner. His most recent is hiring a former Goldman Sachs lobbyist as his Chief of Staff after HE issued new rules Tuesday restricting contacts with lobbyists.

Greed: Passengers who survived, and that would be all of them, the dunking of a US Airways jet into the Hudson river are now saying the $5,000 the airlines gave them isn't enough. As one opportunist said, "I just want to be made hole". Well, the only hole I personally feel this succubus is being begins with ass. I'd like to introduce some of these money grubbers to a Gold Star mother and have them complain about losing a laptop in a plane mishap to someone whose loss and sacrifice can never be made whole.

Incite: As predicted here a few days ago, the Obama administration is throwing out the words Crisis, Panic and referring to unprecedented tough times in an effort to push through their socialization of America (i.e. stimulus package).

Fear: Just follow this link.

Face it folks, without words we would have very little to say to each other. If you are a regular reader of this little blog I'd first like to say, "thank you". I would also hope that you understand when I say of all words to be cognisant of in these times, vigilance should be high on your list. Be vigilant in your watching of elected officials. Be vigilant in your review of popular media. Be vigilant in your protection of personal freedom. For while Oxford's editing of their collection of words can affect the way we speak to one another, the government's editing of the laws of our land and our constitution will affect our lives.

S2

Impossible odds? No just unimaginable arrogance

I got home from work with a headache and made the mistake of getting in to bed with my laptop but no television remote. To my dismay, the TV was tuned to MSNBC and the Keith "I am an arrogant, egotistic blowhard whose lack of depth perception extends beyond my visual acuity into my political beliefs" Olbermann show.

It has been 38 minutes and I have yet to agree with a single thing this squinty eyed pretty boy talking head has said. Not one word. I doubt him when he says he will be back after brief messages. In fact, if the remote was closer at hand, I can guarantee he wouldn't be back.

Amazingly, about a third to a half of this show has been spent on continuing the bashing of George W. Bush that has gone on for years on MSNBC. Truly this is a derangement that this network in general and this so-called anchorman in specific has. (My doubt is not that he is an anchor it is that he is truly a man.)

I am at the point where it I can't take it anymore. Time to turn off this drivel and put something a bit more cerebral on. I think MTV's Rock of Love might be on.

A new terror offensive is launched

They say "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". I say bullshit. Sometimes we can't keep quiet. I have absolutely nothing nice to say about The ONE's recent reversal of the "Mexico City Policy" which prohibited federal money to be given to organizations that perform abortions and promote this practice in foreign countries.

I want to write chapters about this but, for those of you who would agree with my sentiments, I'd be speaking to choir and, for those of you who don't agree with me, well, you have my prayers that you will someday see the light.

What I do want to point out is that there always seems to be two sides to every story. The same decision can be looked at from very different viewpoints: one wrong, and one right. It is this realization the prompts me to ask you to be vocal in your viewpoint. This executive order by The ONE is but the first volley in a war that truly has millions of lives on the line.

Hear the drivel, see the drivel, say it is drivel and have some popcorn.

The Academy Award nominations were recently announced and, like virtually every other year, I haven't seen a single movie up for best picture. It might be that I have terrible taste in movies. I tend to enjoy films that require a minimal amount of thought regarding the plot and that contain a maximum amount of explosions or other gratuitous violence and nudity. My pedestrian tastes aside, the real reason I've probably not shelled out my hard earned cash to see this year's line up of nominees is that they are movies that I am just not interested in seeing. Looking at box office receipts, I am not alone in my apathy.

There seems to be an opinion in Hollywood that success negates any possibility of artistic content in a film. If too many people like it, it can't be creative. We commoners can't possibly understand the genius that is in a low budget, limited release, unseen bit of cinema any more than we can appreciate the talent required to mold elephant dung into the Virgin Mary or dunk a crucifix into urine. Movies with broad appeal are by the very nature of their popularity unworthy of critical acclaim.

Every year excellent movies are ignored, overlooked or plain blackballed by the Academy for award consideration. Last weekend Mrs. Bald Man and I saw Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino. This has to be one of the best movies I have seen in a long time; even if it required a bit of mental effort in watching it. Eastwood deserves recognition for both his acting and directing efforts yet Gran Torino was shut out completely in the Academy Award nominations. If box office is any indication of public sentiment, I am not alone in thinking Mr. Eastwood has been slighted. With the exception of one movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with it's built in audience of swooning teenage girls and similarly swooning housewives there to see Brad Pitt, Gran Torino's take of $73 million in six weeks is more than all the other movies nominated for best picture combined! But what do we regular folks know about anything?

The affluent narcissists in Hollywood, with fortunes provided by those of us in "fly over country", live in a world removed from everyday problems, everyday struggle and everyday values. They feel compelled to lecture us on our bigotry over gay marriage, our Xenophobic attitudes toward illegal immigrants and our irrational need to cling to our guns and bibles. At the shooting range last week I was telling Juan and Pedro, two roommates who tend the Church's garden for an amazing low rate and excel at floral designs, that those Hollywood folk must thing we in regular America are simpletons who just don't get it and are blind to the ways of "modern living". The boys seemed to agree with me but their minds must have been on their dates for the night. It was so cute to see them practicing for what they were going to say calling each other "girlfriend" as they worked.

Thankfully, we don't need Hollywood to tell us what to think and we don't need critics or other reviewers to tell us what to watch. People flock to see movies they can relate to and given just a bit of exposure, the word of mouth marketing for these types of films takes on a life of its own. Instead of criticizing The Passion of the Christ Hollywood should have been capitalizing on it. Instead of a dozen movies condemning the war on Terror and making our troops look like evil incarnate, where were the uplifting movies that made us feel good about our country?

You probably have heard little, if anything, about the movie Fireproof. This no budget movie has grossed millions yet has received so little press coverage you'd think it involved a Democratic Congressman paying his mistress to keep quiet about their affair. Movies like this and those filmed by other family oriented production companies counter the culture that many larger budget movies try to engender in their counter-culture preaching.

Fireproof will be out on DVD this week. Not that they will notice or care but it would be nice to send Hollywood a bit of a message. If Fireproof has success half as good in DVD sales and rentals as it did in its limited theatrical release, we might just stand a chance at seeing more movies of this kind instead of the tripe currently being foist upon us.

Wear your mullet long enough and it might come back in style.

It amazes me how out of touch our leaders are. It seems every initiative, every bill, every speech and every waking moment of our esteemed politicians in Washington has something to do with saving the planet from Global Climate Change or going "Green".You will note the I wrote Climate Change and not Global Warming. The recent spat of cold weather, recent as in the past ten years, has somewhat changed the tune of the single minded climate fanatics.

Take a look at the chart to the right. This Pew Research Council study shows more regular folk care about who is paying the toll for the trips politicians are taking on private jets to the warm climate of the Caribbean than the toll those jets are taking on the Caribbean's climate.

It surprises me that the party currently in charge, the Democrats, are the ones supposedly in touch with the hopes, cares and feelings of the electorate.



They have invited the completely out of touch with society but completely "touched" in the head Al Gore to testify next week on Global Climate Change. The Republicans, the out of touch ones according to the media, are likely to be less hysterical about this subject. Look again at the chart above then look at the one to the left and tell me who is in line with America.

Yeah, that is what I thought too.

S2

Sweet Caroline's good times must really have been so good.

Groucho may not have wanted to be a member of any club that would have him but, considering the den of liars, thieves and miscreants that is our current government, what skeletons must be in Caroline Kennedy's closet for her to pull her name from consideration to replace Hillary Clinton, a woman with a walk in closet worth of body parts herself, for the United States Senate. And to pull her name out under the cover of darkness in a late night announcement only serves to pique the interest of those of us vulture-like enough to want to circle this pile of bones in a death spiral of conjecture and innuendo. And the rumor mill is grinding away full speed.

The New York media is busy fleshing out these skeletons trying to make a body of concrete evidence for why she doesn't want the position. The initial word was it was a combination of taxes and nanny problems. That can't be it. If those were reasons to pull the plug, Timothy Geithner wouldn't be about to become the Secretary of the Treasury. Next we heard there were marital infidelities. That is almost a pre-requisite for running for office. It is the main reason I've not run for Congress. I can't get Mrs. Bald Man to sign off on that part of the deal so I remain unqualified. Tonight we hear the governor just didn't think she was ready or qualified for the job. Hello? Have you seen who is sitting in the Oval Office this week? Since when do qualifications count?

Some in her camp blamed Senator Ted Kennedy's recent illness and collapse but that is just plain pandering and plain wrong. In the ultimate effort to put a better face on this skeleton's skull, George Stephanopoulos says she backed off to "put family first". Isn't that special. I can't tell if the tear in George's eye is from this bit of candor or is left over from the joyous eye watering he and others in the media had during the inauguration.

All of this is an example of how, when the handlers get involved, politicians and politician wannabes end up looking even stupider than, ya know, they, ya know are. Had Mrs. Kennedy simply let the governor nominate the person of his choosing she could have simply walked away and joined her skeletons back in the ole closet. Hopefully Obama will keep her number on his super secure BlackBerry. If not I am sure the Chinese will put it in for him as soon as they hack it.

Had she been the one nominated, these issues might not have made a difference. For Democrats, not much matters. In the midst of a lawsuit over the recount, the Senate is going to try and seat Al "there are more votes in my trunk if you need them" Franken.

We have entered an age where the only thing that matters is the "agenda". More than anything I have heard recently, nothing has scared me as much as this quote from Sen. Kent Conrad, D-N.D. In saying why he was voting to approve Timothy Geithner for his Secretary seat he said that in normal times he would oppose Geithner but "these are not normal times." Not normal times? So that means we can put ethics, justice, truth, and even the constitution aside because these are "not normal times". Unfortunately, in the coming weeks you will hear this reasoning also applied to spending bills, gun control, right to choose bills and other soon to be named restrictions on our liberties and attacks on capitalism.

The only thing not normal in all of this will be if right thinking Americans continue to idly by while the flesh of their freedoms is ripped from their bones.

I am heading to the closet to cry with my skeletons.

S2

The short bus must have been stuck in traffic

I hate it when someone shows up very late to a party. Not only do they disrupt the flow but you end up repeating all the great stories you've told earlier in the evening. And they are never as funny the second time around.

The Alka-Seltzer hasn't even finished fizzing in the glasses of hungover inauguration revelers and now the media is beginning to say "we really don't know a lot about Obama". I am skipping the Alka-Seltzer and going straight for the Tums and Tylenol. Articles like this hurt my head and churn my stomach.

Was it too much to ask for real reporting in October?

Those who can do..those who can't legislate

The exposure of Timothy Geithner's, The ONE's pick for Treasury Secretary, failure to pay his taxes didn't come as much of a surprise to me. His kind don't play by the same rules as most of us. This mini-scandal slowed his approval by a Senate Committee about as much as freeway traffic slows passing a cop who already has someone pulled over. Sucks for them but we are making good time!

The silky haired John Edwards got it right when he said we live in two Americas. He just got the designation of them wrong. The divide isn't rich and poor. It is the privileged and the un. There is the America of apple pie eating, flag waiving, hard working, tax paying, beer drinking, law abiding regular folk (the un) and then there is the America of the self-serving, advantage taking, hypocritical, law bending others (the privileged). The latter of course are the elite of America, most of whom are in government positions.

If you or I were to have not paid our taxes for four years the IRS probably wouldn't have been as forgiving as they were with Geithner. I did read he paid all the taxes plus interest. No mention was made of penalties. He must have had Tax Masters working on his behalf.

What I find interesting is that during the entire three and a half hour love fest that was his hearing, Geithner wasn't once asked about the reimbursements he received on those taxes he "should have been more careful" in paying. For you see the IMF, Geithner's employer at the time, reimbursed employees for Self-Employment Taxes paid.

Byron York at the National Review wrote on January 14th:(The Bolds are mine)

Geithner Accepted IMF Reimbursement for Taxes He Didn’t Pay

The IMF did not withhold state and federal income taxes or self-employment taxes — Social Security and Medicare — from its employees’ paychecks. But the IMF took great care to explain to those employees, in detail and frequently, what their tax responsibilities were. First, each employee was given the IMF Employee Tax Manual. Then, employees were given quarterly wage statements for the specific purpose of calculating taxes. Then, they were given year-end wage statements. And then, each IMF employee was required to file what was known as an Annual Tax Allowance Request. Geithner received all those documents.

The tax allowance has turned out to be a key part of the Geithner situation. This is how it worked. IMF employees were expected to pay their taxes out of their own money. But the IMF then gave them an extra allowance, known as a “gross-up,” to cover those tax payments. This was done in the Annual Tax Allowance Request, in which the employee filled out some basic information — marital status, dependent children, etc. — and the IMF then estimated the amount of taxes the employee would owe and gave the employee a corresponding allowance.

At the end of the tax allowance form were the words, “I hereby certify that all the information contained herein is true to the best of my knowledge and belief and that I will pay the taxes for which I have received tax allowance payments from the Fund.” Geithner signed the form. He accepted the allowance payment. He didn’t pay the tax. For several years in a row.

Perhaps it was a four year running innocent mistake but I would like to toss the review flag on the field. Can we get a ruling on this? Probably not, we can't even get a question about it.

Every April most of us spend time doing our taxes, paying our taxes and grumbling about our taxes. Unfortunately the head of steam we work up during this time has bled off by the time the next election comes along in November. Is it any wonder election day and tax day are as far apart from each other on the calendar as possible? We small minded simpletons are expected to file and pay our taxes correctly and, if we can't figure them out ourselves, we are expected to pay more of our hard earned money to have someone figure them on our behalf. If the lines stretching around the H&R Block are any indication, most of us can't figure out the convoluted tax laws any better than the guy who is about to be in charge of the enforcers.

Hell, even those who write the laws seem unable to figure them out. Charlie Rangel, in the best swept under the rug story of 2008, has been under investigation for his own payment "mistakes". Rangel has been on the Ways and Means Committee (the one that writes tax law) for thirty years and is currently its chairman! Rangel claims he didn't know he was receiving income on the property. He supposedly also didn't realize the sweet deal of a mortgage he got too. He wasn't charged interest on after two years. He and Chris Dodd must have the same bankers.

We can rant all we want but those of us in the "other" America will never be able to compete with the privileged. Until we begin to stand up, take notice and call out these atrocities nothing will change. Tomorrow Mr. Geithner will be approved for his cabinet seat and the story of his tax scandal will be place on the back shelf of the filing cabinet. Charlie Rangel will be holding court in the House instead of being held until he is called to court for his financial sins. The media which should be pressing these issues will be busy being the new President's personal press.

Me? I am on my way to buy this year's edition of Turbo Tax. I just hope it works better for me than it did for Mr. Geithner.

Let's hope he leads better tomorrow

Taking issue with Barack Obama on his inauguration day would be akin to dissing the bride at a wedding. Unlike the protesters and pundits who sounded like scorned ex's outside a reception hall four years ago, I am happy to see Republicans letting The ONE bask in his glory.

Come tomorrow the gloves will be back off. I will say that watching the President and First Lady dance at each of balls today I can see he got his rhythm from his white mother. The man really can't dance.

For the country's sake, let's hope his leadership is better in the boardroom than the ballroom. I think his problem was common sense told him he had to move right but his instincts kept pulling him to the left.

Oy oh boy.

Tomorrow is the big day. We will have to stop with PEBO and go back to calling him The ONE. I don't really feel like typing much tonight. I've got a headache from all the chanting O Bam A, O Bam A, O Bam A and my side job counting trees has me confused. When does a bush become a shrub become a tree? It's like that whole a tomato is a fruit not a vegetable thing. Besides, if I speak badly about our new leader I might have to go to the principal's office.

I did hear that it is a big day for short Jewish women. Dr. Ruth Westheimer is going to accompany Hillary Clinton to the Middle East. She speaks Yiddish and when it comes to foreign policy you need someone who can say penis in several different languages.

It should be a big day also for short Jewish men. Since my mind is preoccupied classifying fruits and vegetables, I am going to turn the rest of today's post over to one Jackie Mason. Mr. Mason has, in recent years, been more vocal in his political views and he is showing now signs of slowing down.

Oh the times they are a changin'

Time changes everything. Or so it is the saying goes.

In his 1981 inaugural address, Ronald Reagan said, "In this troubled time, government is not the solution, government is the problem."

In his in 1993, Bill Clinton said, "Government is not the problem but it is not the solution. People are the solution."

On January 20th, 2009, we expect to hear Barack Obama say, "Government is the solution".

I see said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Mrs. Bald Man and I spent the afternoon enjoying the Earth's gravitational pull high above the cloud of winter inversion air that envelopes Salt Lake City. The proximity of the snow laden Wasatch to our home means we can enjoy our favorite pastime and still make it home in time to watch the football playoffs. I have to admit it is a bit depressing to see the haze covering the city as one drives down the canyon road toward home. I was actually feeling a bit sympatico with the environmentalists until I realized the Sundance Film Festival is currently happening across the mountains in Park City and every parking space at the executive airport has a private jet in it and every limousine in two counties is ferrying customers a few at a time up the hill to their mansions where they are filming videos showing their support for whatever PEBO asks of them. But that is fodder for another post.

While riding the chairlift we noticed a blind skier schussing down the hill. In case you are wondering how a blind person can ski, it isn't that they follow a line of braille points from top to bottom. The blind skier is followed closely by a, hopefully, sighted skier who yells "turn right", "turn left", "go straight" or "for God's sake stop". These guides are performing a great service and deserve every bit of praise you can heap on them but, if you are thinking the visually challenged has to have a lot of faith in their guide you are right. Both Mrs. Bald Man and I commented that we would never be able to do that if we lost our vision.

We wondered if it was the fact that we have had sight that had us doubting our ability to fully put ourselves at the hand of a guide. We've seen the ridges, gullies and cliffs that seem to be everywhere on a ski hill. Our speculation continued that it must be easier for someone who has never seen the troubles ahead to flail along at a high rate of speed on six foot long boards with only a screaming guardian angel over their shoulder as the buffer between them and a mouth full of tree bark.

It wasn't until a few hours later, at halftime of the Pittsburgh/Baltimore game when the perky ratings disaster Katie Couric spoke about the inauguration of PEBO, that my thoughts again turned to blind faith. To say Ms. Couric has drunk the Obama KookAid is an understatement. She and her associates in the media are gushing so much sugary sweetened hyperbole about the potential of the coming four years that I am in danger of becoming a diabetic just watching the nightly news.

This blind faith is infectious. Poll after poll shows that people are set to have all the world's wrongs righted and all their woes, umm, unwoeven. They are willing to forgo individual freedoms, put personal decisions into the hands of government and they are even willing to change the flag? What gives with the Obamanation flag anyway?

If you don't believe that our society has is turning into a bunch of drone bees drinking the medias nectar while worshiping at the feet of their leader, watch this:



To steal a line from Glenn Beck, I am not a smart man, I am just a thinker. It was the liberal's in Hait Ashbury who extolled us to "question everything". These same burnouts are now responsible citizens blindly going where no government has had us go before. (No, I don't know what the Star Trek reference is doing here but...it fits.) In the next few weeks, those of us without blinders, will see the change that was voted on in November begin to happen. If you can find a history book that hasn't already been changed to remove Ronald Reagan and add a chapter on the already successful presidency of Barack Obama, read it, copy it, save it and share it with everyone you can find.

If they ask why, tell them you saw it here.

The Bums will come out, tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar.

Four years ago the secret service and Washington DC were bracing themselves against numerous protests and demonstrations during the inauguration of George W. Bush. This year, the love in the air is thicker than the back hair on your average Italian tourist at the beach and the press coverage will be fuller than the mustache of said tourist's wife.

The lack of planned protests hasn't calmed the fears of the Secret Service and conservative groups are being watched closer than the bums of cute Swedish girls tanning themselves on the sand. It is also yet another example of how those on the right seem to "go along to get along" and it is the left that flies off the handle. The only group planning a protest is the nut job, whacked out, needs to be slapped upside their head Westboro Baptist Church. Conservative these freaks are not. Neither are neo-NAZIs but they too are receiving scrutiny even though they've kept most of their comments under their sheets. Perennial protesters, and equally nutty, Code Pink will be hoisting signs but theirs are celebratory in design.

Everything that can possibly be done to ensure the day is perfect for the coronation of PEBO is being done. Even an economy that is floundering like a fat guy trying to don a wetsuit won't stop this party. DC police have posted No Prostitution signs. I am sure this effort will guarantee illegal activity of the carnal variety will cease. I've heard rumor that Congressman, upon seeing these signs, thought an early recess of government was called and went home. The homeless are being rounded up by police and given one way bus rides to the outskirts of town faster than mothers grab their young sons and pull them away from fellow sun worshipers exercising a clothing optional option. After all, we can't have the inauguration visitors seeing hookers and bums along the parade route. That year round joy is reserved for the locals. It will be hard enough on those coming to the festivities to subject them to the dregs of society that have washed up on the shores of the Potomac. The only hitch in the plan is that Mother Nature is not cooperating as our warming globe is forecast to receive snow.

I feel certain only the most positive of images of the day will make it to the airwaves this Tuesday. We are entering another stage of image over substance and those of us sensitive to the rash of idiocy this surely will cause need to protect ourselves just like the fair skinned family slathers on the sun screen and dons dark glasses against the harsh sun of summer. Our glasses will not contain the rose colored optics of the true believers. They are the prescription we need to keep an eye on those in charge and be ever vigilant so that the freedoms our forefathers realized were guaranteed by our creator are not washed away like the footprints in the sand during a high tide. For surely there will be a new tide soon.

4 out of 5 experts agree that 4 out of 5 experts are experts

I've decided that I am going to be an expert. I haven't yet decided at what I am going to be one but it doesn't seem like it will be too hard to become one once I finally do decide. Thanks to internet chats and blogs, talk radio and 24 hour news channels there seems to be no shortage of experts. It's a cottage industry and in recent years experts are sprouting up faster than bachelors on a Viagra factory tour. You can't toss out a newspaper wrapped fish without one showing up before garbage day to proffer an opinion on the now odorous headline. In fact, I'll bet there are experts at finding experts for each of the media mentioned above. But don't worry, if you aren't sought out, your expertise can be self-proclaimed.

You too can be an expert. Look at some of the more recent experts of the day in the media and you'll see that immediate experience is of equal if not more value than long term experience, education or research. By the criteria of CNN, Fox News and MSNBC I am an expert in crime because my MP3 player was stolen from my hotel room this week and my flatulent dog knows as much about poison gas as Iraq's Dr. Death.

Ask a presidential candidate an innocent question about wealth redistribution and you'll be the whipping boy of just about every media outlet in the country. One month later instead of fixing a leaky faucet you'll be jetting off to the war zone of the Middle East as a reporter because you're an expert on media bias. The only prize likely to be awarded this war correspondent is a P U litzer. Hello America, this is common sense calling. Edward R. Murrow must be turning over in his grave. Good night and good luck to us all.

Comely conservative siren Ann Coulter has for years pointed out the absurd authority ascribed to the 9-11 widows. I am truly sorry for the losses experienced by families and friends from the horrific acts of Jihadist cowardice back in 2001. But losing a loved one to a terrorist act makes you no more an expert at terrorism than being flipped the bird by angry taxi driver makes you an expert at international relations.

Finally, if I see one more survivor from yesterday's plane dunking in the Hudson River on TV telling folks how they helped lead everyone to safety I am going to scream. By my current count there were 148 leaders on the plane and two followers in that crash. Good on the passengers for working together and not panicking, but again, are they now experts at airplane engine failure and evacuation and rescue techniques? Their full body baptisms in the frigid river has them speaking in forked tongues to whatever camera happens to be pointing in their general direction.

In four days the leader of the free world will be sworn in. Our leader, our political expert is 47 years of polish and style and very little substance. One speech in Boston created a leader. One speech does not an expert make.

Hey, maybe that is my expertise; taking any topic and turning it in to a potential criticism of PEBO!!!

The Reds have gone Green and the results are something that is usually colored "brown"! And it stinks

From the "Actions speak louder than words" file I bring you two links which speak in Spinal Tap like volume about the true nature of the "Green Movement" here in the United States. Spinal Tap was louder than any other rock band in history because where most group's amplifiers went to 10, their's went to 11!

We on the right have long expressed concern that the goals of the environmental crowd were not solely to protect the planet but to curtail capitalist activity in all forms. In this time of record breaking cold weather, my frozen pudding is so full of proof in these two links that I think Jello needs to make a new flavor: Sour grape tree hugger.

In a few short days, all the world's problems will be solved when PEBO is inaugurated. Our problems may just be beginning. The road to personal restrictions is paved with environmental protections. Oh, and there are only HOV and bicycle lanes.

Read here and here! Don't say I didn't warn you.

S2

A bright future? I don't really see it.

I was up working late, again, last night and I found myself squinting more and more while trying to read the words on the laptop screen. I initially blamed my clouded vision on the fact that, in the past few days, I've had about as much sleep as a long haul trucker hauling energy drinks and coffee beans on a three day coast to coast trip who is sampling his freight and swallowing copious amounts of "Speedballs". I then feared it was middle age manifesting itself through the shortening of my arms, which in turn had changed the relation between my head and the screen causing the entrenched focal length of my eyes to become out of whack. After all, the past few years have gone by faster than the miles which roll under the aforementioned trucker's semi on a newly paved interstate highway somewhere other than formerly pothole laden Pennsylvania. Thankfully, I was wrong in both these suppositions.

A quick peek under the lampshade of the light to my right revealed the source of my visual frustration. The hotel had installed energy saving, environmentally pure and agonizingly dim compact fluorescent lights (CFLs). These electronically charged spirals were putting out about as much candlepower as the prayer offering candles at an atheist's altar. Having identified the source I relaxed as, after all, I was only going to be in this hotel one more night. Unfortunately, the light bulb of recognition burst when it became apparent these CFLs are the wave of the future thanks to the Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007.

Signed in to law December 19, 2007, the Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007 is an omnibus energy policy law that consists mainly of provisions designed to increase energy efficiency and the availability of renewable energy. If you ask me, in many ways this omnibus bill misses the boat.

Items addressed in this law include increased Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) Standards, Renewable Fuel Standard (RFS) and the current darkened cloud over my desk, Appliance and Lighting Efficiency Standards. Check out some of these not so bright ideas. According to a National Center for Policy Analysis review of the law, under the new standards:

* 100-watt light bulbs are banned entirely in 2012.
* 70-watt light bulbs will have to be 36 percent to 136 percent more efficient.
* 50-watt bulbs must be 50 percent to 112 percent more efficient.
* 40-watt bulbs will have to improve 50 percent to 110 percent.

Incandescent bulbs cannot meet these new standards absent a significant technological breakthrough and currently there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel heralding this. Thus, the common light bulb will soon be extinct.

For all their hype, CFLs are a poor substitute. Not only will they foster return to the darker ages, the supposed environmental benefits are grossly overestimated. And God forbid little Timmy, unable to see well enough in the low light to avoid it, knocks over the floor lamp at the day care center and breaks one of these toxic filled glass grenades. In addition to spreading shards of glass all over the lead painted toys from China that the center picked from the bargain bin at WalMart, the breached CFL will spread "dangerous" amounts of mercury powder in a cloud of death nearly as fatal a the cloud of death surrounding the dirty diaper bin after a lunch of mashed fruit.

From the same NCPA review:

...when a CFL broke in her daughter’s bedroom, Brandy Bridges of Prospect, Maine, called on the state’s Department of Environmental Protection to make sure she cleaned up the broken glass and mercury powder safely. A specialist found unsafe levels of mercury in the air and recommended an environmental cleanup firm, who estimated the clean up cost of at $2,000. Beause her mother was unable to pay the exorbitant cleaning bill, the girl’s room remained sealed off in plastic for more than a month.

Just like electric cars, windmills and Ed Bagley Jr's bicycle powered toaster, CFLs have not caught on with mainstream consumers. The government is required to force feed what it has deemed is in our best interest. Check out this link to see what the dim whits in Washington have come up with. They've been busy little beavers and this bill contains more ideas than Edison's notebook. I am especially proud that this "energy policy" bill includes provisions for Swimming Pool enclosures to prevent drowning and an extension of the Federal Unemployment Tax Act (FUTA) for another year.

S2

It is time to sit back relax and let the government do it all. Has anyone seen my TV remote?

Face it, pretty soon we won't have to do anything. The 111th Congress, the Senate in particular, is off to a rousing start proposing bills and placing on the calendar items that will have us all snug and safe like a little Wallaby in mama's pouch. For a quick look at what's coming, check here.

For two specifics that will have you scratching your head, look here and here.

Is Leisure Suit Larry due for a comeback?

[My plane to Phoenix was delayed. It is late and I’ve an early morning……]

I feel like Sherman, having just gotten out of the “Way back” Machine with that smartest of dog scientists, Mr. Peabody, and am once again firmly entrenched in the 1970’s. Of course, being that Peabody's Improbable History on the Rocky and Bullwinkle show was on in the 60’s I guess the “Way back” machine wouldn’t have been a requirement for travel.

This very day in 2008 could have existed in the 1970’s as well. Clint Eastwood is number one at the box office. Stories of Elvis Presley’s death are all over the television. Control of the House and Senate are firmly in the hands of the Democrat party. A black family is “movin’ on up” and we are about to have an extremely liberal Democrat President in the White House. Ok, that last sentence was a “twofer” at PEBO’s (Neal Boortz’s acronym for President Elect Barack Obama) expense but I was running short of examples. And finally, news organizations are starting to warn of a potential Ice Age.

To say “what goes around comes around” or “everything old is new again” would only serve to reinforce that, in adages as well as everything else, “there is nothing new under the Sun”.

One other similarity between today and the 70’s is the economy sucks. It wasn’t unprecedented government spending that turned the gas line economy of Jimmy Carter around. It was the conservative and capitalist ideas and ideals of Ronald Reagan. It seems all consideration of free market solutions to today’s economic woes is about as likely as Joe the Plumber winning a Pulitzer for his reporting.

In about nine days Pelosi’s House and Reid’s Senate will present the newly inaugurated PEBO with a plan to spend more money, control more business and stifle more freedom than ever could have been imagined by the wig wearing geniuses back in Philadelphia so long ago. We will be asked to do our share, buck up, suck it up and shut up and take it.
Back in the 70’s we had a few real Republicans in Congress. Let’s hope a few them in office today remember leisure suits and Saturday Night Fever.

[Sorry for the abrupt end. My schedule will hopefully soon settle down into its usual state of chaos and I will again wax on endlessly. I hope you can’t wait.]

S2

For better or for worse. For here or to go?

I’m not one for pomp and circumstance. Grand extravaganzas, expensive celebrations and even gourmet meals are anathema to me. It could be I am cheap. It could be my waste not want not upbringing. It could be I am just lacking in class. No matter the reason, I’ve never been one to take joy in nor see the value in frivolous spending on one time events.

I guess that explains why I don’t understand weddings. Brides go nuts planning “their day” and grooms are left to wonder what they are getting themselves in to. I was lucky in finding Mrs. Bald Man as she shares my disdain for big weddings. The priest who performed our wedding was shocked that we wanted no music, no special frills and that the sum total in attendance would we about 10 people. We look back on that day with fond memories.

A wedding should be about the beginning of a lifelong journey, not the spectacle. I can’t help but be a bit of a schadenfreude when I see a grand outdoor wedding rained out. Not because I revel in others' misery but because I have a glimmer of hope the temporarily unhappy couple will see the folly in concentrating on one day when they have a plethora of days to spend outdoors together.

Wedding should reflect the personalities, hopes, beliefs and attitudes of the couple and not be an attempt to "one up" the others on the society page of the local fish wrapper. Put on your Nostradamus costume and look at this wedding and this one. Which couple do you think has the best chance of living happily ever after?

S2

Isn't 15 year old Scotch technically too young to drink itself?

On the way to the airport today my boss asked if we could stop by a store to pick up a few things that his wife requested. Little did I know that I’d be walking in to a store totally devoted to items for children. Thankfully, none of the future humans were in the store so I only experienced a bit of itchiness from the residual aura.

It’s not that I hate children. Some of my closest friends probably were children at one time. It’s just that these unproductive life force sucking little poop machines live in a world vastly different from self absorbed hedonistic circles that I enjoy visiting daily.

As a quasi responsible person on the fringes of society I realize we need to provide a safe and nurturing environment for these people to be to gestate. But, honestly, I don’t want to live in a world where everyplace and everything is designed for, beneficial to and safe for 10 year olds. They can have the schools, video game parlors and ball fields. We will share the churches, libraries and ice cream parlors. I want the bars, restaurants and seedier sides of town. We’ll cordon off our respective areas in a jigsaw puzzle of lines forming age appropriate regions reminiscent of a Picasso painting. We’ll live happily apart for years to come.

Unfortunately, the lines of demarcation are virtually obliterated by those oblivious to the patterns of age who want to whitewash adult activities: Parents. Some parents, especially in Utah, feel their family outing is a roving bubble of age appropriateness and that every venue into which it floats should immediately be subject to the same rules of propriety as mom imagines goes on in the backyard clubhouse. It’s worse when one of these breeders is in politics.

Reading the biographies of the newest elected members of the House and Senate I noticed quite a few of these fresh faces were parents and were coming from the House’s and Senate’s of their respective states. These assured agents of change most likely honed a keen political edge in the Junior Varsity of State government and are now ready for their letterman sweater in the upper class game of the federal arena.

In these troubled times for our economy who better to bring fresh ideas and new tactics than those who have thrust their states into even worse times. If you want to feel better about the national economy and federal budget woes just look at those of the majority of states.

Utah has warming up in its political bullpen a leader with ideas sure to make people take note. Senate President Michael Waddoups has thrown a few decent pitches in his 10 years in Utah politics. He’s got a solid fastball on gun rights although the speed with which he jumps on this issue has him nearly at nut stage. He’s done a change up it seems on some social issues and thrown a few foul balls regarding smoking bans and has unfortunately lobbed a few softballs on abortion. But he’s recently come up with this odd ball scheme.

It isn’t as though Utah doesn’t have a quirky enough reputation when it comes to alcohol sales. Those who have been here know it isn’t a dry state as they’ve been subjected to regulations that make getting a drink after a day of skiing about as easy as figuring out if the third base coach is signaling for you to bunt or if he just has jock itch. Sit at a bar and order a drink. Rather than simply handing you a beer across a 30” flat surface, the bartender has to put the frothy glass on a tray, hand said tray to a waitperson (preferably a busty waitperson of the feminine persuasion, but I digress) who then has to circumnavigate the entire bar and delivery your now less frothy beverage to you.

Restaurants must currently have in place a large glass partition to separate patrons from the mixing area. I guess our benevolent legislature is afraid of an alcohol explosion at the Crème de Meth house which would leave teetotalers covered in a 50 proof rain of sin. This Zion Curtain as it is called is not enough of a barrier for Waddoups. He wants the bartenders completely removed from the innocent eyes children. "Restaurants are turning into bars," Waddoups said. "It's making it look attractive. Kids see it and wonder what they're missing. I think we need to be a little more strict."

God forbid kids witness adults drinking responsibly while having a nice meal and pleasant conversation. Let’s leave their only exposure to alcohol be the gin soaked naked hot tub parties and vomit laden boat trips on shows like MTV’s Real World and the age appropriate Rock of Love. Taking this to the logical extreme we will have to begin forcing parents to lock their Baileys and Seagram’s into the same safes as their guns.

Fortunately our state Governor has expressed a desire to normalize the liquor laws in Utah. He uncorked a firestorm and there will be a big battle brewing, or should I say fermenting, in the legislature. I hope he gets his way. I am tired of apologizing to out of state visitors after explaining to them how to order a cocktail.

My advice to Mr. Waddoups, other than to shut the hell up and leave well enough alone, is to take his kids to one of the many restaurants in town that don’t serve alcohol at all. I hear Chuck E. Cheese is a nice family atmosphere!

I am secure in my opinion on security

News today is that soon to be sanctified President-elect Obama is planning to restructure the war on terror that has been successfully run by George Bush since 9-11-01. I define success as the fact that it has been 7 years, 3 months and 27 days since those attacks and the cowards who prey on innocents have yet to launch another successful attack on United States soil.

In picking Leon Panetta, a policy wonk who has about as much business running the CIA as perennial wife loser Drew Peterson does dating, Obama is, as the AP states:

“…sending an unequivocal message that controversial administration policies approving harsh interrogations, waterboarding and extraordinary renditions -- the secret transfer of prisoners to other governments with a history of torture -- and warrantless wiretapping are over, said several officials.”

In addition to watering down our waterboarding tactics The ONE is planning on returning all the “freedom fighters” held in Guantanamo back to the place where they were fighting innocent civilians for their freedom to kill more innocent civilians in the name of Allah.

A driving force in this decision to change our tactics seems to be the new administration’s concern about other countries’ feelings about us. Spain, India and others didn’t approve of the way we were treating terrorists. You know, trying to kill them before they kill us and all. Their tactics seems to working a bit less well than ours.

The thought of being less than vigilant in prosecuting the war on terror leaves me terrified. Our forces have to be successful 100% of the time to prevent tragedy. The suicide bomber needs only succeed once; although repeat performances by them truly are quite rare. Perhaps Shirley McLean knows a few who’ve been successful more than once.

Without waterboarding and warrantless wiretapping of 9-11 planner Khalid Sheik Mohammed we would never have gotten the treasure trove of information this sick individual possessed. It didn’t take long for this hero of the cause to squeal like a little girl and tell us everything he knew. I just wish it could have been on pay per view. Put on right before a Girl’s Gone Wild show and we might avoid another bailout.

Many of the Bush administration’s tactics may be viewed as harsh or uncivil but war is that way. I can offer a few suggestions on changes in security while we are on the subject. First, how about we let people wear their shoes going through airport security? I’d rather take my chances on catching a would be bomber lighting up his Air Jordinians than have to wade through the haze of foot odor. I am thinking it is this cloud that is watering the eyes of the TSA watchers who miss the occasional water bottle. These bombers have a tendency to be so obvious as to even attract the attention of Rappers who, in this case, do the right thing.

And how about doing away with the 3.4 ounce bottles in the quart bag? I can’t even fathom what this accomplishes? A one quart limit is fine. Oprah should adopt that and a one dozen donut limit but I digress. How does breaking this quart total into smaller bottles accomplish anything? I can divide my aftershave Monk-like into 4 exactly equal 3 ounce containers and put them into a quart zip lock baggie. Once the government contractor has given me approval and rerun my wire laden computer bag a few more times until I draw the ire of everyone in line behind me I could easily dump the four containers into one large twelve ounce bottle. So why can’t I just take the damn twelve ounce bottle? I am thinking an investigation into possible kickbacks from ZipLock and Tiny Containers, Inc. to the TSA and Homeland Security might be in order.

I like the fact we have people whose job is to try to out think those who think up ways to do the unthinkable. But really, is the guy who came up with the zip lock baggie idea still around? God forbid he is in charge of anything. Security is not the place for inane, knee jerk or feels good solutions. Nor is it the place for political correctness. Let’s spend more time looking for terrorists and less time collecting Perrier bottles.

S2