I'll drink to that

It is time to celebrate. No, not that the Dow was up around 380 points today. Although that is a good thing, be prepared for a sell off tomorrow now that the Senate passed the $410 Billion spending package and Nancy "deer in the headlights" Pelosi is hinting at a second massive spendulus package. How's that for throwing a wet blanket on good news?

"What good news?", you ask. Utah has given up its ridiculous Private Club law covering what you in the rest of the modern world refer to as Bars. Barring an Oktoberfest surprise, the Governor will sign the bill in to law very soon. That's right, no longer will we citizens living behind the Zion Curtain be made to feel like scofflaws to the Volstead Act as we stagger up to our favorite speakeasy in search of some hooch by being forced to sign up for a membership in order to get a drink. The term "membership" in the Beehive State has a connotation that doesn't usually jive with alcohol consumption and tends to last more than the typical two-weeks one is granted access to a club.

The move to normalize the arcane and downright stupid liquor laws that were drafted by people who were never fortunate enough to wake up with a hangover as a reminder of the previous night's enjoyment is driven mainly by tourism. As one who has many times had to explain to a visiting skier how to get an apres-ski drink, I can't wait to just say "go over there" without any further instructions, qualifications, diagrams, gesticulations or secret decoder rings needed.

There remain a few oddities in the liquor laws. These, most likely, remain as a consideration for the roughly 30% of the state's population that throw a temperance tantrum any time a relaxation of consumption encumbrances is discussed. There is also a new requirement for gin joints to use an electronic scanner to verify the ID of anyone entering a den of iniquity who appears to be under 35 years old. No word has been given on what a youthful Benjamin Button will be required to do. I've a few concerns regarding this ID scan but officials have stated there will be no central database kept of drunks, lushes, booze hounds or the occasional martini sipper for use at the time of the Rapture to determine what bus everyone gets on.

True conservatives and the more libertine of the state have long considered the Republicans in our state government as nothing more than Democrats who have jobs and don't drink. This move, passed by a unanimous vote in the Senate, is one toward less government intrusion into the seedy places it doesn't belong at a time when our national elected officials are guzzling up every freedom they can and spending like, excuse the easy analogy, drunken sailors.

To Governor Huntsman who pushed this initiative and the sober minds who followed, I say "Three Cheers" and raise an equal number of glasses in toast to them.

S2

There are two sides to every party

Since moving to Utah over 16 years ago I've probably voted for as many Democrats as I have Republicans. You see, here in the Beehive State our "conservatives" seem to be concerned mostly about retaining power.

My congressman is a Democrat and I gladly voted for his re-election in a move completely opposite my "vote against any incumbent" attitude. I just couldn't stomach his Republican challenger.

I love it when a decision gets, at least, a little validation.

Will you at least save money for peanuts and Crackerjacks?

Former Speaker of the House, New Deal liberal and “after 6 pm” friend of Ronald Reagan, Tip O’Neill is cited as saying “All politics is local”. When speaking of the campaign that taught him that lesson, his only loss in 26 political races, he also says he realized, “People want to be asked”. Hey now there is a concept for a politician.

I think the former of those two sayings goes a long way to explaining why we as a nation can’t, or won’t, put a stop to the slaughtering of our country’s financial sheet in the form of pork that is doled out in such quantities you need a stadium to hold the plate. People heading in to cast their secret until I run out and tell an exit pollster who I voted for ballot tend to pull the lever for the incumbent a vast majority of the time. After all, my guy is OK as long as he brings taxpayer money back to our district. It is those people in the rest of the country sending their idiot to Washington to take taxpayer money to their districts that are the problem. You can’t very well kill the Golden Goose that brings home the bacon and eggs now can you?

Be it a corporate bailout or pork, we shouldn't care. It isn't our money anyway.


Senator Robert Byrd only needs one or two more terms and West Virginia will be 100% named after him. The only thing in the Mountain State left to have his name emblazoned on it are the bed sheets used by the local RJB Chapter of the Ku Klux Klan on Saturday nights. Ted “thank God he is finally gone” Stevens nearly won re-election even after he was convicted of fraud because he was so popular. If only those voters on the far side of the incomplete “bridge to nowhere” could have made it to the booths.

Voters seem to be as loyal to those bearing government gifts as they are to their local sports teams. And when the money coming in benefits these teams, all bets are off. New stadiums are seen by sports fans as either an entry in to the big leagues for their sport’s franchise or as a way to bring back lost glory. We could be winners if it weren’t for this crappy cheaply renovated slum that our team has to play in. Politicians on a local level see stadiums as a way to leave a lasting legacy, or worse as a way to stimulate the economy. And the beautiful thing seems to be you don’t even have to ask the voters if they want a new stadium. And you if do, screw them, you can do what you want anyway.

In Washington, DC taxpayers voted out of office three DC Council incumbents who supported using taxpayer funds to build a new stadium to lure the Montreal Expos to the area. Showing that “government inaction” is a term best left to describing the urgency of meaningless issues like school choice, DC officials, major league baseball and Mayor “this is my legacy” Anthony Williams met in a marathon 12 hour meeting to “seal the deal” on this funding before the newly elected anti-subsidy council takes office. They shoot, they score! As a beautiful extra point to this story, the benefactors of this largesse vetoed a site that would be far less expensive to build on because the drive was too long. When it comes to Mayor Williams, niggardly is not a word he likes to use regarding budgets.

Regarding a new baseball stadium for the Florida Marlins, a Miami-Dade County Circuit Judge recently ruled against plaintiffs who said the stadium financing, which is a large part of a $3 Billion Public Works Project, was an unconstitutional diversion of money intended to cure urban blight and should have been submitted to voters for approval. The fact that the Marlins have the lowest attendance in all of baseball means the planners will be able to include a lot of green space to help eliminate that evil urban blight.

In Dallas, or Arlington if you are a stickler for city boundaries, the new Billion dollars plus Cowboy’s stadium is letting nothing stand it its way. And since it is a new stadium, loyal fans should be less upset about being moved from their 50 yard line prime Cheerleader ogling seat to one down around the 38 yard line than those homeowners required to move from this prime piece of real estate to make way for the stadium. The view from Aunt Leslie's former back yard of the, umm, game that interrupts the girls will still be good. Everything’s bigger in Texas ya’ll.

Sometimes there isn’t enough government money available for a stadium. We have to spread the wealth. When that happens, business steps in like a linebacker picking up a fumble and saves the game. Just like recent bailout recipient Citigroup did when they decided to keep their bargain and spend $400 million over the next 20 years to have the new Mets stadium called Citi Field. The Mets in return guaranteed a jersey and a ball cap would be made available to the 1 in 5 Citigroup employees who is scheduled to lose their job in 2009 to keep the company viable.

Bailout Czar Hank Paulson’s son is even getting into the act. Merritt Paulson is telling the populace of Portland that if they are willing to spend $85 million on one new stadium and the revamping of a recently revamped one, he will bring his team to the city. If not, I guess he will take his ball and go find some other sucker.

Here in Salt Lake City, Larry “I own just about everything already” Miller used privately sourced funding to build the then named Delta Center which opened in 1991. Unfortunately, Real Salt Lake owner Dave Checketts, featured in the book “the Mormon Way of Doing Business” decided to instead take a page from the taxpayers of Salt Lake County’s checkbook when looking for a new stadium for his soccer team. After a prolonged bidding war between Salt Lake City and Sandy, Utah in which only the politicians wanted to be the winner Sandy was saddled with this nag of a building.

In March of 2006 the “I do what the LDS Church tells me to” Utah Legislature passed two funding bills for the proposed stadium. After a few laps around the track, Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon pledges $40 million dollars and Sandy kicks in another $15 million and hunky underwear model and sometimes soccer player David Beckham comes to Sandy to lift a golden shovel of this crap at the stadium's groundbreaking ceremony.

Only then, in October of 2006 does the County hire an independent consultant to review Real’s finances.

The timeline then continues:
• Jan. 19, 2007 — A review by an independent financial consultant concludes that even in the best of circumstances, Real won't be able to pay the bills.
• Jan. 26, 2007 — The county's Debt Review Committee says the team is not financially viable.
• Jan. 29, 2007 — Corroon decides that giving $30 million to the team is an "unsafe investment" and stops all negotiations with the team. With that decision, team owner Dave Checketts says he is "weighing his options" — which include selling the team. Real will play one more year at Rice-Eccles Stadium, Checketts says.

We snuck in under the glove on that one; for about three days!!

On February second, after nearly 100 hours of thought, a proposal to divert up to 15% of the County’s hotel taxes was approved, a new funding bill was than passed on the 8th and signed in to law by Governor “I want my name in The Mormon Way of Doing Business Volume Two” John Huntsman Jr. one day later.

Ain’t that a soccer kick in the pants? Once again the will of the people seems to matter little when placed against the will and legacy of those in office.

All is well that ends well, the Real Salt Lake made it to the playoffs this year and played to historically low crowds at the stadium. And the trend is not moving upward for attendance. Every cloud has a silver lining; that disappointed fan in Dallas might be able to trade his 38 yard line seats for mid-field ones in Utah. Our cheerleaders are cute too!

S2

Ignorance is bliss…and expensive

Imagine if you were blind. Try it. Close your eyes.

If you are still reading this, you can take this opportunity to laugh at those silly enough to think I meant close your eyes literally and are now sitting there awaiting some disembodied voice to lead them on a weird Jedi-like journey to a place far far away.

Our imaginary blind friend, call him Ray,has flown to our city for a convention and he and his companion guide dog Magellan stumble their way into to your store. Magellan is happy because today he got to ride in a car and an airplane and his owner is happy because you sell a hard to find snow globe and he wants to take one home as a souvenir for his daughter. He takes out his wallet to pay for the globe and hands you a $20. You give him change for a $10. The takes it and puts it back in his wallet and Magellan leads him and his booty out the door. He was just ripped off but how would he know? United States currency is all the same size, he can’t see the numbers (remember the eyes being closed at this point), and Magellan gets confused by higher math. He is a visitor to your town. Unless Magellan places a urine scented canine GPS waypoint at your door, you will never see him again. And you know for certain he will never see you either. It would be easy to do and why worry, he’ll be gone tomorrow.

In the past few months, I’ve spent about three times as many nights with the Sinners in Las Vegas than with the Saints back home in Utah. Being in this man made oasis of conspicuous electrical consumption for work as opposed to those who have slogged here eagerly hoping to partake in one, or several, of the hedonistic endeavors that are thrust upon them from the time they touchdown at the McCarran airport and casino I have a slightly different expectation for my experience. As a transient resident of this den of iniquity I see Las Vegas for the city of neighborhoods, parks, churches and normalcy that exists beyond the glitz, glow, glamour and glee of the “Strip” that is designed to separate a visitor from his money faster and with more efficiency than Mr. Oreck’s sucky machine removes dirt from the carpet in my hotel room.

Unfortunately I am not immune to the financial plundering that befalls the average tourist not just here, but everywhere. I am not much of a gambler and tend to be a homebody so the chance is slim that I will venture into an establishment to venture a bet on a game of chance. But I still stay in a hotel, rent a car, eat at restaurants and get lost quite frequently. And just like Ray my money is often pirated away in the form of taxes, fees and unscrupulous business practices designed to make sure what is brought to Vegas stays in Vegas.

Domestic and international tourists spend hundreds of billions of dollars every year. In Nevada alone in 2007, tourists spent nearly $60 billion dollars! That figure would probably balloon even higher if there was an accurate way of tracking the beer soaked singles stuffed in the garters of the surgically enhanced hostesses working in the clubs designed for visiting gentlemen.

I’ve no quarrel if a tourist wants to spend money willingly to feed a “one armed bandit” or keep dancer Bambi in the lifestyle to which she has grown accustomed but when the government decides that it deserves an extra share of the revenue simply because the one spending it is “not one of us” I call foul.

I feel safe in saying all politicians want two things: power and to be re-elected. Money affords them power so your typical government official will spend the majority of his day thinking of ways to separate as much of the citizenry from its. Now the more Uncle Taker tries to get from his constituency, the greater gamble he takes that these poor voters will remove him from his office. And that means want number two goes unsatisfied. So what is he to do? That’s right, screw the guy who doesn’t vote for me! The tourist.

Tourists come to town with wallets greased more than the Fonz’s DA on Happy Days and question little when it is time to pay the piper. So politicians feel it is ok to tax the things that are used by out-of-towners more frequently than by locals. Things like hotel rooms, rental cars and restaurants. Specific purchases are sometimes subject to additional fees and taxes as well. Buy a lift ticket to Mount Washington Ski area and you will pay an additional 6% for road a road levy. The typical rental car invoice, in addition to the daily rental fee and regular sales tax, will have things like: 10% airport tax, $3 a day CFCC levy, 5.9% state excise tax, 4% franchise fee tax, etc, etc. The invoice for my rental car last week was nearly 35% higher once the tourist related fees were applied.

Revenue generated from tourist taxes can be enormous and, since it is some other sucker paying the tab through their purchase of souvenir suckers, they tend to be overwhelmingly approved when put up for a public vote. Unless you are renting a car to take your secretary to dinner and a quickie in your home town, you’ll never worry about them right?

About now some of you are thinking I am naïve in my subtle opposition to these types of taxes. No. I get it. Tourists are free to choose where they go to spend their money. It is, like spending my money on the 1:16,000,000 chance of buying the winning lottery ticket, a voluntary tax. But I can’t help but view this geographic redistribution of wealth as classless envy.

Our willingness to sheer the sheeple who come to our town to enjoy our hospitality through higher taxes and fees is not only inhospitable but it enables those in our state and local governments to build their power base. Government growth is government growth. If you want parks, concert halls and fountains build them but be prepared to pay for them. The designers of these taxes often state the money will be used to generate more tourism and pay for the roads and infrastructure required to handle more tourists. If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you that you can use to get people from the airport to the convention center.

Government taking riles me but when I see independent business taking advantage of the tourist I just get pissed. I understand offering a loyal customer a discount or other service. But don’t screw somebody just because you can. Get in a taxi cab at McCarran and the first two questions asked are “Are you from here?” and “Do you know where you are going?” Answer no to either and your taxi ride will be $10 to $15 higher. There’s an optional third question about a possible side trip to see Bambi at the gentleman’s club and provide here with a few of your singles but that’s not our topic today. I hear the same story every week when I talk to the attendees at my training classes. It makes me want to scream.

This morning I paid $2.05 for gas at a place I knew service the local population. A whopping two blocks later I saw gas listed at $2.35. Oh yeah, this place was directly across the street from the rental car return center. You know the place the tourists are likely to stop because they know nowhere else.

I don’t know about Karma but I do hope that like the roulette wheels spinning all over Nevada, what goes around comes around. Those who are so short sighted that they willingly take advantage of someone who doesn’t know any better is just as bad as the thief who steals Magellan’s lunch money as they short change a blind guy.

I hope Magellan pees on your leg.

S2