It's all about the Big O

It is 3:37 am in chilly Denver, Colorado and I have been tossing and turning all night long. I just can’t quit wondering, “What’s eating Oprah?” I mean, we know what she’s been eating; everything! Its just the Queen of all the media for people who don’t watch real media seems a bit upset lately and I can’t understand why. Her boy Barack “Illinois has a governor?” Obama won and she will be in Washington hosting her show for his inauguration. I am sure BHO will see fit she gets a ticket for any ball she’d like to attend and it’s not like she can’t afford to have her gown for the evening let out a bit.

Things seem to have settled down at her Taj Mahal of a school in Johannesburg. The adage “no news is good news” is virtually guaranteed when nobody at the place has access to email or cell phones. No news also means the head mistress there was never charged with doing anything other than being strict and disappointing Oprah.

And she seems to be scraping by in these tough financial times. She’ll be coming in to her OWN in a few years and, if a half-black man can be elected President, who knows what Oprah will accomplish now that she has been unleashed!

So why does the Queen need to whine about Sarah “I am back within spitting view of Russia” Palin going on other shows to give interviews? It isn’t like she didn’t have the chance to interview her back when she was thin Oprah. You know, back when it would have mattered like when she interviewed Barack Obama. Back when she didn’t want to use her show as a political forum. So now, fat Oprah is lamenting that La Governess Bonita went elsewhere to talk about herself. I guess it is Oprah’s turn to get schooled that there are consequences to your actions.

Of course Ms Winfrey’s mind probably began to be troubled back in January when she endorsed The ONE. The comments section of her website lit up more brightly than the National Christmas tree after Nancy "deer in the headlights" Pelosi finally figured out how to turn the switch with comments berating her for abandoning Hillary in her time of need. My guess is these malcontents were just frustrated meat eaters seeking to extract a pound of flesh when they could.



I accidently picked up Mrs. Bald Man’s copy of O magazine in the bathroom a few months ago. I figured since I was going to be there for a while I might as well see what all the fuss was about. A half hour later I emerged dreaming of Tom Cruise, teary eyed with a new cookie recipe that I had to bake immediately. I realize now I just needed the food to comfort my unease with my body issues. I wish I'd had a shoulder to cry on.

My posts, like our initial invasion in Iraq, don’t usually come with an exit strategy. I’m not sure why I even care that Oprah is now fat and upset she can’t talk to the governor of a state that isn’t even on the route past fly over country. I guess it just irks me to see yet another narcissistic television star put herself out there and not expect a backlash. It is no Secret the Queen’s latest binge was supposedly brought on by being diagnosed with thyroid problems. Like me and my resolution to my body issue psychosis, brought on by reading O to start with, she turned to food. In the coming months we’ll all be subject to her brave battle back to thinness through personal trainers, personal chefs and couch jumping with Tom Cruise.

I do wish her a healthy recovery from fat. If only fat Elvis has been so brave we might still have the King around. But I think the Big O's constant battle with the Big O of being Overweight is detrimental to the many people who truly struggle to maintain healthy weight. Regular folk who will be forced to watch the coronation of The ONE at home on the couch with a bag of Cheesy Poofs and the cat on their lap and not being chauffeured around from ball to ball chatting about global warming. I just hope this isn’t the start of the Oprah’s School Girl diet craze.

S2