4 out of 5 experts agree that 4 out of 5 experts are experts

I've decided that I am going to be an expert. I haven't yet decided at what I am going to be one but it doesn't seem like it will be too hard to become one once I finally do decide. Thanks to internet chats and blogs, talk radio and 24 hour news channels there seems to be no shortage of experts. It's a cottage industry and in recent years experts are sprouting up faster than bachelors on a Viagra factory tour. You can't toss out a newspaper wrapped fish without one showing up before garbage day to proffer an opinion on the now odorous headline. In fact, I'll bet there are experts at finding experts for each of the media mentioned above. But don't worry, if you aren't sought out, your expertise can be self-proclaimed.

You too can be an expert. Look at some of the more recent experts of the day in the media and you'll see that immediate experience is of equal if not more value than long term experience, education or research. By the criteria of CNN, Fox News and MSNBC I am an expert in crime because my MP3 player was stolen from my hotel room this week and my flatulent dog knows as much about poison gas as Iraq's Dr. Death.

Ask a presidential candidate an innocent question about wealth redistribution and you'll be the whipping boy of just about every media outlet in the country. One month later instead of fixing a leaky faucet you'll be jetting off to the war zone of the Middle East as a reporter because you're an expert on media bias. The only prize likely to be awarded this war correspondent is a P U litzer. Hello America, this is common sense calling. Edward R. Murrow must be turning over in his grave. Good night and good luck to us all.

Comely conservative siren Ann Coulter has for years pointed out the absurd authority ascribed to the 9-11 widows. I am truly sorry for the losses experienced by families and friends from the horrific acts of Jihadist cowardice back in 2001. But losing a loved one to a terrorist act makes you no more an expert at terrorism than being flipped the bird by angry taxi driver makes you an expert at international relations.

Finally, if I see one more survivor from yesterday's plane dunking in the Hudson River on TV telling folks how they helped lead everyone to safety I am going to scream. By my current count there were 148 leaders on the plane and two followers in that crash. Good on the passengers for working together and not panicking, but again, are they now experts at airplane engine failure and evacuation and rescue techniques? Their full body baptisms in the frigid river has them speaking in forked tongues to whatever camera happens to be pointing in their general direction.

In four days the leader of the free world will be sworn in. Our leader, our political expert is 47 years of polish and style and very little substance. One speech in Boston created a leader. One speech does not an expert make.

Hey, maybe that is my expertise; taking any topic and turning it in to a potential criticism of PEBO!!!