Will you at least save money for peanuts and Crackerjacks?

Former Speaker of the House, New Deal liberal and “after 6 pm” friend of Ronald Reagan, Tip O’Neill is cited as saying “All politics is local”. When speaking of the campaign that taught him that lesson, his only loss in 26 political races, he also says he realized, “People want to be asked”. Hey now there is a concept for a politician.

I think the former of those two sayings goes a long way to explaining why we as a nation can’t, or won’t, put a stop to the slaughtering of our country’s financial sheet in the form of pork that is doled out in such quantities you need a stadium to hold the plate. People heading in to cast their secret until I run out and tell an exit pollster who I voted for ballot tend to pull the lever for the incumbent a vast majority of the time. After all, my guy is OK as long as he brings taxpayer money back to our district. It is those people in the rest of the country sending their idiot to Washington to take taxpayer money to their districts that are the problem. You can’t very well kill the Golden Goose that brings home the bacon and eggs now can you?

Be it a corporate bailout or pork, we shouldn't care. It isn't our money anyway.


Senator Robert Byrd only needs one or two more terms and West Virginia will be 100% named after him. The only thing in the Mountain State left to have his name emblazoned on it are the bed sheets used by the local RJB Chapter of the Ku Klux Klan on Saturday nights. Ted “thank God he is finally gone” Stevens nearly won re-election even after he was convicted of fraud because he was so popular. If only those voters on the far side of the incomplete “bridge to nowhere” could have made it to the booths.

Voters seem to be as loyal to those bearing government gifts as they are to their local sports teams. And when the money coming in benefits these teams, all bets are off. New stadiums are seen by sports fans as either an entry in to the big leagues for their sport’s franchise or as a way to bring back lost glory. We could be winners if it weren’t for this crappy cheaply renovated slum that our team has to play in. Politicians on a local level see stadiums as a way to leave a lasting legacy, or worse as a way to stimulate the economy. And the beautiful thing seems to be you don’t even have to ask the voters if they want a new stadium. And you if do, screw them, you can do what you want anyway.

In Washington, DC taxpayers voted out of office three DC Council incumbents who supported using taxpayer funds to build a new stadium to lure the Montreal Expos to the area. Showing that “government inaction” is a term best left to describing the urgency of meaningless issues like school choice, DC officials, major league baseball and Mayor “this is my legacy” Anthony Williams met in a marathon 12 hour meeting to “seal the deal” on this funding before the newly elected anti-subsidy council takes office. They shoot, they score! As a beautiful extra point to this story, the benefactors of this largesse vetoed a site that would be far less expensive to build on because the drive was too long. When it comes to Mayor Williams, niggardly is not a word he likes to use regarding budgets.

Regarding a new baseball stadium for the Florida Marlins, a Miami-Dade County Circuit Judge recently ruled against plaintiffs who said the stadium financing, which is a large part of a $3 Billion Public Works Project, was an unconstitutional diversion of money intended to cure urban blight and should have been submitted to voters for approval. The fact that the Marlins have the lowest attendance in all of baseball means the planners will be able to include a lot of green space to help eliminate that evil urban blight.

In Dallas, or Arlington if you are a stickler for city boundaries, the new Billion dollars plus Cowboy’s stadium is letting nothing stand it its way. And since it is a new stadium, loyal fans should be less upset about being moved from their 50 yard line prime Cheerleader ogling seat to one down around the 38 yard line than those homeowners required to move from this prime piece of real estate to make way for the stadium. The view from Aunt Leslie's former back yard of the, umm, game that interrupts the girls will still be good. Everything’s bigger in Texas ya’ll.

Sometimes there isn’t enough government money available for a stadium. We have to spread the wealth. When that happens, business steps in like a linebacker picking up a fumble and saves the game. Just like recent bailout recipient Citigroup did when they decided to keep their bargain and spend $400 million over the next 20 years to have the new Mets stadium called Citi Field. The Mets in return guaranteed a jersey and a ball cap would be made available to the 1 in 5 Citigroup employees who is scheduled to lose their job in 2009 to keep the company viable.

Bailout Czar Hank Paulson’s son is even getting into the act. Merritt Paulson is telling the populace of Portland that if they are willing to spend $85 million on one new stadium and the revamping of a recently revamped one, he will bring his team to the city. If not, I guess he will take his ball and go find some other sucker.

Here in Salt Lake City, Larry “I own just about everything already” Miller used privately sourced funding to build the then named Delta Center which opened in 1991. Unfortunately, Real Salt Lake owner Dave Checketts, featured in the book “the Mormon Way of Doing Business” decided to instead take a page from the taxpayers of Salt Lake County’s checkbook when looking for a new stadium for his soccer team. After a prolonged bidding war between Salt Lake City and Sandy, Utah in which only the politicians wanted to be the winner Sandy was saddled with this nag of a building.

In March of 2006 the “I do what the LDS Church tells me to” Utah Legislature passed two funding bills for the proposed stadium. After a few laps around the track, Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon pledges $40 million dollars and Sandy kicks in another $15 million and hunky underwear model and sometimes soccer player David Beckham comes to Sandy to lift a golden shovel of this crap at the stadium's groundbreaking ceremony.

Only then, in October of 2006 does the County hire an independent consultant to review Real’s finances.

The timeline then continues:
• Jan. 19, 2007 — A review by an independent financial consultant concludes that even in the best of circumstances, Real won't be able to pay the bills.
• Jan. 26, 2007 — The county's Debt Review Committee says the team is not financially viable.
• Jan. 29, 2007 — Corroon decides that giving $30 million to the team is an "unsafe investment" and stops all negotiations with the team. With that decision, team owner Dave Checketts says he is "weighing his options" — which include selling the team. Real will play one more year at Rice-Eccles Stadium, Checketts says.

We snuck in under the glove on that one; for about three days!!

On February second, after nearly 100 hours of thought, a proposal to divert up to 15% of the County’s hotel taxes was approved, a new funding bill was than passed on the 8th and signed in to law by Governor “I want my name in The Mormon Way of Doing Business Volume Two” John Huntsman Jr. one day later.

Ain’t that a soccer kick in the pants? Once again the will of the people seems to matter little when placed against the will and legacy of those in office.

All is well that ends well, the Real Salt Lake made it to the playoffs this year and played to historically low crowds at the stadium. And the trend is not moving upward for attendance. Every cloud has a silver lining; that disappointed fan in Dallas might be able to trade his 38 yard line seats for mid-field ones in Utah. Our cheerleaders are cute too!

S2

Cigars, fags and calling a spade a spade

Read any blog that resides at the far reaches of either side of the political spectrum, after your daily reading of this blog of course, (you do have NoMatoMiPavo bookmarked right?) and you will see that the discourse has become more caustic than your average review of the conservative movie “An American Carol”.

Utter an opinion and you’ll likely be the recipient of an onslaught of expletives directed at you personally, the majority of your ancestors by relation and George W Bush because, well, he is Satin incarnate. It doesn’t bother me to be on the catching side of these tirades. I probably am a bit of a white trash, bigoted, homophobic, right-winged, Neanderthal but leave my parents out of it.

So why in this age of vitriol does it seem people’s skin is becoming thinner than Peter Orszag’s or Donald Trump’s real hair? Any criticism is immediately seen as a personal attack and the recipient begins a plea for justice and demands an apology at the least and usually monetary recompense as well. The utterance could be a legitimately stupid statement. If so, call the speaker an ass and move on. People say stupid things all the time. My personal filter more resembles a sieve and I start every conversation with a disclaimer that, indeed, I am an idiot so anything I say should not be held against me. But too often it seems people are looking to be offended. The leaps they will take to turn an innocent comment into an attempt to begin the next holocaust would make Superman feel he needs several bounds to clear the same distance.

In 1999, a staffer for Washington, DC mayor Anthony Williams was forced to resign after he used the word Niggardly to describe the size of a fund that he oversaw. Two staffers complained and amid a flurry more excited than a nest of angry Wasps (did I say Wasp? How dare I?), the mayor accepted David Howard’s resignation. A few days later someone decided to consult Merriam Webster and learned there is no connection between Niggardly and the prohibited, unless you are an African American rapper who won't listen to Russell Simmons or a Rainbow Warrior, N-word that so insulted the staffers. Of course to those looking to be insulted the idea of performing this exploration before Howard’s condemnation never occurred.

In July of this year, a commissioner in Dallas County, Texas made the mistake of comparing the county’s collection office to that oh so racist of phenomena; a black hole. Another official, John Wiley Price demanded an apology. To Mr. Price it seems any term that begins with the word black is racially charged. This guy’s views are so far out in space that even usually sensitive Liberals think he’s spaced out. On behalf of all unintentional racists in the world, I’d like to invite Mr. Price to coffee and I will apologize. Just so he is forewarned I take my coffee black.

In August of 2006 then Governor, and should have been GOP Presidential candidate, Mitt Romney referred to the Big Dig in Boston as a tar-baby. The waiting to be insulted, with brains about the size of a Br'er Rabbit, couldn’t wait to jump on Mitt and label him as a racist. Unfortunately, Romney hopped on up and apologized. If only the State and Federal governments had been a bit more niggardly in their expenditures, this Black Hole would never have been an issue. Oh, I’m sorry.

Apologies for misspeaking and injustice often aren’t good enough for most of the bereaved. Don Imus’ much overblown Nappy Haired Ho comment, justifiably as stupid as only Stupid White Men (no apology as obviously that isn't offensive) can be, cost him his job. When United States Senator Trent Lott wished one time racist Strom Thurmond a happy birthday the calls for his resignation from race baiters and riot inciters was immediate. Even the sons of politicians who voted against the Equal Rights Amendment got in to the act. Neither of these obvious racists could get away with anything as a straight forward, black and white (oh sorry) apology.

When Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper apologized for a tragedy of political incompetence and enforcement that resulted in the death of 26 potential immigrants from India he was criticized because he went to the people to apologize and didn’t deliver it in the confined of Parliament. If he was as observant as Joe Biden, he would have rightly made the apology at a 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts. Ok, this time I will apologize on behalf of the missing Vice President since he never has.

The examples of personal offence and demands for retribution are many: like this, this, this or this. While many have racial or sexual overtones, people are taking offense at everything now. The days of being happy and gay (oh, sorry) are gone. Political Correctness abounds and the tentacles of this restrictive culture may soon reach further into our vocabulary.

Unfortunately, the retribution sought is not only financial. Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh was killed after producing a movie critical of Islam and Dutch politician and refugee of an arranged marriage Ayaan Hirsi Ali has been under police protection since the film aired because of death threats to her from members of the “religion of peace”. If only they’d put cartoon images of Mohammed in their film, like those in Danish newspapers, their depravity would have been complete.

The sensitive nature of people today seems an unexpected phenomenon when compared to the amazingly narcissistic nature of today’s youth. Their self-esteem is extremely high. In other words they are completely full of themselves. I guess that is why any criticism, no matter how well intentioned or constructive put a chink (sorry) in their self-obsessed armor and is to them a personal affront.

To everyone today thinking they’ve been offended by someone else’s speech I say “grow a set”. If what they say is so bad, call them on it and make your position clear. We will forever have bigots, fools, racists, sexists and any other ‘ist you might imagine. Deal with it. It’s not like someone goes out of their way to make a voodoo doll of you?

Poor Nicola Sarkozy was so upset that such a doll was being sold, he sued. In their infinite wisdom, the French courts decided the sales could continue but a prominent warning had to be placed on the package that states that sticking pins in the toy is an affront to his dignity. Those French men, it seems they have no problems with their self-esteem.

S2

Money for nothing but Rock Chips are free

There is not much better than taking a deep breath of cool, clean mountain air on a fall morning. There’s something magical about the thin, lower oxygenated gas that, despite making it sometimes difficult to catch your breath on the long trudge to the end of the driveway to check the mail, fills you with energy. The thinness of the air also lets objects fly farther. Frisbees, golf balls, midgets and rocks kicked up by semi tractor trailers seem to stay aloft for much greater distances than at sea level. I guess that is why I seem to be replacing my windshield every year. Fortunately for me, a new windshield is free.

That’s right, I go down to the windshield shop drop off my vehicle and about 45 minutes later I drive away with a freshly installed, sparkling clean, temporarily bug free pigeon target and I didn’t have to fork over a cent. Of course we know there’s no such thing as a free lunch or, in this case, windshield. Somebody has to pay for it and they aren’t cheap. The glass installers bill my auto insurance company and they aren’t cheap. The companies that install them are selling brand spanking new ones and it isn’t likely they offer them an “it fell off the back of a truck” discount. I mean for some things that might be a way to get a discount but in the world of automotive glass the practice has some flaws. Knowing this, I don’t go out and immediately get a new windshield at the first sign of a chip. Why should my insurance company have to pay frequently because I have a tendency to tailgate dump trucks? Others, though, seem to have no compulsion against this? If it is transparent to me that this isn’t a free service, what keeps everyone else from seeing the light through the glass?

I guess it is because people will do just about anything if they think there’s an opportunity to get something free; or even if it is just discounted. The news yesterday showed people lined up outside department stores in some of our larger, overwhelmingly liberal voting metropolitan areas waiting for two and three days to be first in line for the amazing deals on Black Friday. One guy was asked what the big sale item was that he was waiting for and he said, “I don’t know but I am sure it will be worth the wait”. Huh? Did this Scarecrow just admit he was spending three days perched outside, in the rain, peeing in a porta-potty and sleeping in a lawn chair for the sole purpose of being first in line to receive a gift from the great and powerful OZ-Mart. Oh, if he only had a brain?

UPDATED: 11/28 - Unfortunately, I saw this headline during this morning's required reading. Items on sale at the Wal-Mart store included a $798 Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV, a Bissel Compact Upright Vaccum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9 END UPDATE

The lure of getting “something for nothing” is extremely strong. It is what drives people to buy lottery tickets, go to Las Vegas, cheat on their taxes and buy houses they can’t afford because the magic of “equity” will kick in before they have to pay for it.

I’ve had more fights with the IRS than Michael Vick has dogs. In most of them I came out ahead because I keep meticulous, some would say anal, records and I pay what I am supposed to. It just seems the IRS trains their agents with the same consistency as crunchy peanut butter and their opinions are about as easy to swallow. So when I see these ads on late night TV, and vampire want to be that I am I see a ton of late night TV, advertising how you can get out of your IRS debt, I want bite someone’s head off. Sure the IRS is a blood sucking leach but companies like Tax Masters advertise they will get you out of your debt. Now wait a minute. If you owe $50,000 to the Federal Government; you should pay $50,000 to the Federal Government. How is it that they get away with paying less? I tried giving the nice lady at Albertson’s $1.20 for my jar of Jiffy yesterday because I was a bit short of the $3.95 she wanted and the only thing I got was escorted to the parking lot. I called the Freedom Financial Network and American Tax Relief for help but they both hung up on me.

Taxes are too high and I am guessing they will soon be going higher. That said, lemming that I am, I will pay what I owe and bitch the whole way to the post office at 11:59 on April 15th just to keep my money as long as I can. It irks me to learn others are treating the IRS like the guy selling goods from a parked truck in an alley and making cut rate deals. And it irks me even more to learn the IRS is letting them. In an act as compassionate as removing one’s tonsils via, umm, the “other end” the government reached in to my bank account and took $1500 they said I owed them. Now I puckered up the sphincter and took in my neatly typed, alphabetized and neatly folded records which proved they were wrong and got my money back but what’s with folks who admit they actually owe the moeny getting off for pennies on the dollar? Something doesn’t smell right here.

We aren’t supposed to blame the poor naïve home owner who was taken advantage of by unscrupulous lenders and now can’t afford their homes for getting us in to the financial dire straits we are in. We aren’t supposed to but I do. These Hansel and Gretel borrowers had to know they bit off a bigger bite of the peanut butter and ginger bread house and now that it is time to pay the Pied Piper, they go crying to Mother Government. It is unfortunate that they are being bailed out. I will admit it might be the Hans Christian Anderson thing to do in helping our neighbor. Except for the fact that right after the Tax Master ad last night was one for a mortgage lender who said, “With the influx of government money, we can now make loans to an even broader group of lenders. Don’t delay, apply today”. What was that old saying about fool me once shame on you fool me twice I must be an elected official?

Low Book Deals is a used car seller here in Utah. They announce they can approve you for a loan even if you’ve been turned down by everyone else. I am sure wherever you are there are similar companies. We had names in high school for girls who would give approval to anyone. Is there an equivalent for a business?

The days of personal responsibility are gone. We will soon have everything taken care of for us. Nationalized healthcare, government run 401K accounts and more free money are on the way with GPS directed accuracy. Just don’t ask who is going to pay for all of it. It might be my auto insurance company.


The only free lunches are those at soup kitchens and even they demand you say prayers before you eat the free peanut butter sandwiches that Hans' cousin Pam is handing out. Looking at the long lines of leeches outside the department store of government awaiting any kind of handout they can get I think a prayer might just be in order.

S2

Those things will take years off your pro-life

Today No Mato Mi Pavo celebrates its 16^th anniversary. Ok, like a young couple in love I am measuring the anniversaries in days but that is pretty good for someone with as much ADD as I have. My little baby is growing up fast with readership hitting double digits. Actually, if the hit counter can be believed, there’s a hundred or so of you masochists out there trudging through this electronic tome every few days; and it isn’t just my dad showing up over and over again. (Thanks dad, I need the help.) I hope to someday add a few digits to that count and ask you to please send everyone you can this way. Warn them, of course, and suggest they start with the first post I made to “get the feel” for what this is about. Thank you for all you have done so far.

Now that I think of it, the blog is really much older than 16. I guess it all depends on when you consider it started. You see, I began toying with the idea in earnest back in October while visiting with some friends. For weeks, the structure of this page formed in my mind and grew until, finally, sixteen days ago it entered the blogosphere and has cried out ever since.

Imagine if, as a busy worker bee in a growing company who spends more nights on the road than in the warmth of my own bed, I decided now was not the right time for an addition to my life. I could have tossed the idea right out and we would never have the opportunity to see just what it might grow in to. But that, I guess would have been my choice. However, once I had this idea, there really seemed like no other option. This random thought fest, prime example of non-sequitur that is it, now has a life of its own.

Mrs. Bald Man and I went out to eat a few weeks ago. It was our 20^th anniversary and, since I found it necessary to remind her of that fact before she could remind me, we went for a bite. Here in Utah, like so many other states, the government made our first choice for us; smoking or non-smoking was not an option. Non-smoking it is. As a non-smoker I welcome the idea of a carcinogenic free atmosphere while I dine on genetically altered food. But I often feel sorry for the addicted ones who lack the control of ex-president Clinton and choose to inhale. They are forced out into the fresh mountain air of Utah to cloud their lungs. I also feel sorry for the restaurateur whose only choice is to succumb to yet another government regulation as to how they should treat their own customers if they want to stay open.

I watched as, with an air of superiority about them, our fellow diners strode through the cloud of cancer which billowed about the exiled gallery of “the Patch” failures, kids in tow toward a table adjoining ours. Their smug attitude toward those outside wafted unfiltered down to the young minds full of mush running wildly about their feast. And I mean running wildly. The little dervishes were like a pack of Camels fresh from an oasis in their energetic trek across the dessert table.

When I eat I don’t like smoke in my face. What I like even less is bratty little air suckers running between my legs while I try to enjoy my salad. I yelled across to Virginia Slim and her gang that they may want to reign in their hoard. The look of utter disdain she gave me made me think I belonged outside with the puffers astride my horse in a Marlboro Man Stetson. How dare I comment on her pack?

I laughed out loud at the situation. Here I was thinking this lady should have never been given a license to breath life into another being while feeling bad for the ones outside in the cold hurting their own ability to breath. This reminded me of a conversation two of my friends who occupy vastly divergent sides of the political spectrum had on a beach in Mexico about the time my idea for this blog was conceived. One, a beautiful, Philippine, pro-life, anti-smoking, religious immigrant and the other an, “I can’t call another man handsome”, pro-choice, smoker, agnostic, expat. They were arguing (discussing) specifically about banning smoking in public places and you can guess which side each one took.

How can one side of the social and political spectrum demand choice in one area and prohibit it completely in another. We rightfully seek to protect the life of the unborn but shouldn’t we allow the born to choose for themselves during their life? The liberal view of freedom of choice in what I put in and take out of my body and protection of the rights of not-to-be-mothers versus the protection of the unborn and your smoking hurts more than just you conservative side. I guess such dichotomies are not rare in political smoking chambers and melting pots. Sometimes, what’s right is left and what’s left is right?

Incongruous views and backroom deals are commonplace in the smoky hallways of our nation’s capitol. McCain/Feingold and Hatch/Kennedy are but two marriages of supposed polar opposites in a town where opposites attract and relationships last about as long as it takes for a vote on one of the floors of congress. Political expediency too often takes the place of moral certitude and conviction. How else would you explain pro-choice Catholic politicians or closeted gay Republicans?

Each of us can have opinions that fall to opposite ends of the political spectrum. The underlying principles of these opinions may at times seem about as consistent as your average duffer’s golf swing but so long as we hold true to our individual core beliefs and argue from such a position, we are being true to ourselves. If you are on the “right” on one issue and the “left” on another so be it. I guess that is why it is a good idea to avoid labels in politics as much as they should be avoided in plus size clothing. They don’t do much good and they only serve to divide us further and hurt feelings.

I started this post with the intent of pointing out what should be a bizarre relationship between Barack Obama and Planned Parenthood. Obama has been one of the most unapologetic proponents of abortion of any elected official since Roe Vs. Wade came to be and he will soon keep a campaign promise to the Choice crowd and make abortions less restrictive and probably more common. In a blog that is supposed to be funny, I don’t have anything humorous to say about that.

But I find it strange that the first African American President of the United States, in one of his first actions as such, will bow to an organization founded by a woman who, if she had her way, would have seen to it that he had never been born.

Think about that one as you are lighting up after dinner watching the other patrons inside trying to keep their dessert trays upright amid a whirlwind created by kids whose parents chose to have them.

S2

A few tasty links for you to gobble up this week.

Before you swagger up to the table laden with mountains of food this Thursday to engage in the belly busting, gorge fest that has become of Thanksgiving, I thought I would provide a little reading list to peruse in between halves of the football game while in your high caloric tryptophan enduced euphoria:

If you need to catch a plane home from Canada, you will have a lot of room!

These fat folks won't be eating here.

Thank God our country is helping to prevent this situation!
You can help them here.

Nothing says Thanksgiving like a Happy Meal.

Turkey can be expensive. Your meal could break the bank.

Imagine if Pamela Anderson quit writing letters to Obama and sat down for a few real, non-vegan, meals.

I mentioned that we were part of this recipe myself a few posts ago.

Please don't drink and cook.

And since it is a day about fat turkeys.

The clothes don't make the country

Look in my closet and you will quickly realize I am not a slave to fashion. It is not that I don’t care how I look but I am dead certain that skinny ties and polyester are about to make a comeback. I just know it and I’d bet my entire Bee Gees disco collection on it. Perhaps this is why my wife insists on letting me know when TLC’s “What Not to Wear” is on; and it is on frequently.

If you’ve never been forced to watch this bit of reality TV, it centers around two fashionistas, Stacy London, a “carefully coiffed but still allows a hint of grey in her hair” babe and Clinton Kelly, neat dresser whose orientation is as debatable as nature versus nurture argument that very well might determine it, who descend upon an unsuspecting victim from the fashion police’s top ten most wanted list and destroy them in a form reminiscent of the drill instructor from the movie Full Metal Jacket only to build them up fashionably, socially and even on occasion spiritually.

The selected fashion don’ts are sent to New York where their entire wardrobe is tossed aside as unceremoniously as a High School Football star is dropped by the Head Cheerleader as soon as he’s no longer the starting quarterback. Unlike the ex-starter who’s only left with memories of the bus ride to away games, the newly de-clothed is given $5000 to buy a new wardrobe. They are given some very common sense rules that are to be followed not just during this shop fest but are heeded long term: Don’t buy cheap clothes, buy outfits that are multipurpose, dress for you body type and a few others.

The makeovers on this show are often more dramatic than a sky filling sunset viewed beside a dozen aging hippies and potential future subjects for the show from Mallory Square in Key West and the immediacy of this change, it happens in less than a week, can not be overlooked. And when it comes to fashion, you better not be slow. You see the person, or dare I set the stage for the rest of this post by calling them the foundation, is basically the same. They get new hair, new makeup tips and new clothes but the individual is the same. The change in attitude, professionalism and even in their ultimate potential is stunning.

In addition to this show on changing wardrobes, TLC features shows about decorating houses too. Sometimes, these shows feature the concept of Redecorating. Just like a child moving food around his plate while avoiding eating it, the redecorator changes your room by moving things you already own around your house to make it feel different. Being the cheapskate that I am, hence my avoidance of shopping for new clothes, I initially thought this was a pretty good idea. We could enjoy the new feel of a redecorated room without taking our precious savings from the starving banks in this time of financial need.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long until I realized the sofa I was sitting on was the same old piece of crap with a spring in the cushion and wobbly back that was in the other corner of the room a week ago.

About now you are asking yourself, “What is the bald guy getting at with all this fashion and decorating talk?” Has he gone off the deep end and is about to start giving Martha Stewart like advice on ferns and fois gras? Hell, even Martha is talking with a turkey about politics on morning TV instead of about turkey.

Well the analogy should be about as obvious as the lies coming out of Barney Frank’s and Chris Dodd’s mouths to those of you paying attention. The Messiah of Change, in announcing his cabinet, is proving to be nothing more than a redecorator bringing in old furniture that was in style about eight years ago. If they weren’t in the living room of Washington already, they were in the next room and are definitely part of the same collection.

Voters may have voted against John McCain because they thought he would represent the third term of George W Bush. I don’t think they counted on getting a third term of William J Clinton. If indeed Obama does lead like the broken zippered bubba I, honestly, think we will make it through four years still in fashion. Unfortunately, and I never thought I would utter anything remotely like this; Obama is not like Bill Clinton; he's is cut from completely different cloth.

With the help of the media, dinosaur Democrats and weak kneed Republican cowards we are embarking down a road of government growth not seen since the New Deal. Hell, they aren’t even waiting for the coronation. Today’s announcement of $7.4 Trillion in government debt guarantees could be the new outfit that brings down the closet rod.

You see, the foundation of the economy of this great country of ours is sound. We have a few items that are a bit out of date. Definitely a few too many stuffed shirts with holes in their pockets that money seems to run through so fast they are constantly walking around looking for more. Let’s not try to hide our fat hips or short torso by piling on expensive thick overcoats of government regulation. Stuffing a purse with money and heading to Rodeo Drive to pile up a larger wardrobe is not the answer. We have plenty enough clothes in the form of oversight and political institutions. How about a diet instead of a larger size government and we need to clean out our closet.

Next time somebody says change has come to Washington, suggest they check their closet for that Nehru jacket and leisure suit and take them to Goodwill before they say another word.

S2

Ignorance is bliss…and expensive

Imagine if you were blind. Try it. Close your eyes.

If you are still reading this, you can take this opportunity to laugh at those silly enough to think I meant close your eyes literally and are now sitting there awaiting some disembodied voice to lead them on a weird Jedi-like journey to a place far far away.

Our imaginary blind friend, call him Ray,has flown to our city for a convention and he and his companion guide dog Magellan stumble their way into to your store. Magellan is happy because today he got to ride in a car and an airplane and his owner is happy because you sell a hard to find snow globe and he wants to take one home as a souvenir for his daughter. He takes out his wallet to pay for the globe and hands you a $20. You give him change for a $10. The takes it and puts it back in his wallet and Magellan leads him and his booty out the door. He was just ripped off but how would he know? United States currency is all the same size, he can’t see the numbers (remember the eyes being closed at this point), and Magellan gets confused by higher math. He is a visitor to your town. Unless Magellan places a urine scented canine GPS waypoint at your door, you will never see him again. And you know for certain he will never see you either. It would be easy to do and why worry, he’ll be gone tomorrow.

In the past few months, I’ve spent about three times as many nights with the Sinners in Las Vegas than with the Saints back home in Utah. Being in this man made oasis of conspicuous electrical consumption for work as opposed to those who have slogged here eagerly hoping to partake in one, or several, of the hedonistic endeavors that are thrust upon them from the time they touchdown at the McCarran airport and casino I have a slightly different expectation for my experience. As a transient resident of this den of iniquity I see Las Vegas for the city of neighborhoods, parks, churches and normalcy that exists beyond the glitz, glow, glamour and glee of the “Strip” that is designed to separate a visitor from his money faster and with more efficiency than Mr. Oreck’s sucky machine removes dirt from the carpet in my hotel room.

Unfortunately I am not immune to the financial plundering that befalls the average tourist not just here, but everywhere. I am not much of a gambler and tend to be a homebody so the chance is slim that I will venture into an establishment to venture a bet on a game of chance. But I still stay in a hotel, rent a car, eat at restaurants and get lost quite frequently. And just like Ray my money is often pirated away in the form of taxes, fees and unscrupulous business practices designed to make sure what is brought to Vegas stays in Vegas.

Domestic and international tourists spend hundreds of billions of dollars every year. In Nevada alone in 2007, tourists spent nearly $60 billion dollars! That figure would probably balloon even higher if there was an accurate way of tracking the beer soaked singles stuffed in the garters of the surgically enhanced hostesses working in the clubs designed for visiting gentlemen.

I’ve no quarrel if a tourist wants to spend money willingly to feed a “one armed bandit” or keep dancer Bambi in the lifestyle to which she has grown accustomed but when the government decides that it deserves an extra share of the revenue simply because the one spending it is “not one of us” I call foul.

I feel safe in saying all politicians want two things: power and to be re-elected. Money affords them power so your typical government official will spend the majority of his day thinking of ways to separate as much of the citizenry from its. Now the more Uncle Taker tries to get from his constituency, the greater gamble he takes that these poor voters will remove him from his office. And that means want number two goes unsatisfied. So what is he to do? That’s right, screw the guy who doesn’t vote for me! The tourist.

Tourists come to town with wallets greased more than the Fonz’s DA on Happy Days and question little when it is time to pay the piper. So politicians feel it is ok to tax the things that are used by out-of-towners more frequently than by locals. Things like hotel rooms, rental cars and restaurants. Specific purchases are sometimes subject to additional fees and taxes as well. Buy a lift ticket to Mount Washington Ski area and you will pay an additional 6% for road a road levy. The typical rental car invoice, in addition to the daily rental fee and regular sales tax, will have things like: 10% airport tax, $3 a day CFCC levy, 5.9% state excise tax, 4% franchise fee tax, etc, etc. The invoice for my rental car last week was nearly 35% higher once the tourist related fees were applied.

Revenue generated from tourist taxes can be enormous and, since it is some other sucker paying the tab through their purchase of souvenir suckers, they tend to be overwhelmingly approved when put up for a public vote. Unless you are renting a car to take your secretary to dinner and a quickie in your home town, you’ll never worry about them right?

About now some of you are thinking I am naïve in my subtle opposition to these types of taxes. No. I get it. Tourists are free to choose where they go to spend their money. It is, like spending my money on the 1:16,000,000 chance of buying the winning lottery ticket, a voluntary tax. But I can’t help but view this geographic redistribution of wealth as classless envy.

Our willingness to sheer the sheeple who come to our town to enjoy our hospitality through higher taxes and fees is not only inhospitable but it enables those in our state and local governments to build their power base. Government growth is government growth. If you want parks, concert halls and fountains build them but be prepared to pay for them. The designers of these taxes often state the money will be used to generate more tourism and pay for the roads and infrastructure required to handle more tourists. If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you that you can use to get people from the airport to the convention center.

Government taking riles me but when I see independent business taking advantage of the tourist I just get pissed. I understand offering a loyal customer a discount or other service. But don’t screw somebody just because you can. Get in a taxi cab at McCarran and the first two questions asked are “Are you from here?” and “Do you know where you are going?” Answer no to either and your taxi ride will be $10 to $15 higher. There’s an optional third question about a possible side trip to see Bambi at the gentleman’s club and provide here with a few of your singles but that’s not our topic today. I hear the same story every week when I talk to the attendees at my training classes. It makes me want to scream.

This morning I paid $2.05 for gas at a place I knew service the local population. A whopping two blocks later I saw gas listed at $2.35. Oh yeah, this place was directly across the street from the rental car return center. You know the place the tourists are likely to stop because they know nowhere else.

I don’t know about Karma but I do hope that like the roulette wheels spinning all over Nevada, what goes around comes around. Those who are so short sighted that they willingly take advantage of someone who doesn’t know any better is just as bad as the thief who steals Magellan’s lunch money as they short change a blind guy.

I hope Magellan pees on your leg.

S2

If you enjoy this Turkey baste blog, you'll gobble up this video!

Sarah Palin is once again catching flack. She steps in front of the cameras to do the typical governor duty of offering a pardon to a turkey before our American holiday of Thanksgiving while the turkeys behind the cameras do their best to find some way to embarrass her.

A poorly located interview at the event is providing the stuffing for anyone who gets in a fowl mood by just looking at her hotness. MSNBC is showing an edited version of the video below and left leaning blogs are cooking up all kinds of stories in a feeding frenzy about the insensitivity of Alaska's leader to the plight of the future center of her kids lunch time sandwhiches. What they felt needed to be edited I've no idea. I am showing the uncut version here. Nothing's being left out of the recipes on my site.

The hysteria is mind boggling and comments on these sites are gobbling up bandwidth at an amazing pace. I guess those concerned with the fate of the feathered entrees have never actually seen someone working. The only thing I find to be concerned about is there is only one guy working? Shouldn't they be upping production this close to Thanksgiving? I hope their orders aren't down this year. God forbid they have to fly to Washington and beg for a bailout. How would they get there? Sarah sold Alaska's jet!

S2

Lefties, Lefties everywhere and they are driving me to drink.

I promised myself in starting the rant fest that is this blog that I’d always make an attempt to be humorous. The operative word is attempt. Most of today I’ve been in a mood more suited to singing a dirge while driving a little girl to euthanize a litter of kittens on her birthday than to wax on with Mr. Miyagi like quips about the important issues of the day. Remember folks, spay and neuter!

There really isn’t that much going on that is funny politically, socially, economically or environmentally; especially environmentally. Remember the poor Polar bears trapped on the ice because the polar caps are melting?

I hope you can continue reading through the tears I am sure are now filling your eyes. I just hope they are tears of laughter as you think about the morons who actually feel the bears shown are in any peril. Trust me, the cuddly and cute overgrown seal stuffed carnivores are plenty healthy enough to use a group of granola fed vegetarian Earth Firsters as their own personal salad bar given the first opportunity. They aren’t in danger.

The same can’t be said for a group of Narwhal whales in the Canadian Arctic. I guess they believed the global warming alarmists who said the world’s ice was going to soon be gone forever and didn’t make plans to join the Blue Hair migration heading from Long Island to the Villages for the winter and are now so trapped by frozen Dihydrogen Monoxide (see below) that they wouldn’t be able to make the flight even if they had tickets. Unfortunately for these blubbery convicts, they are in danger.

The millions of geniuses who brought Hope to the White House have helped get people in charge who are willing to do something about the global warming crisis. Just what they will do I don’t know but I am sure it will be something grand. I can only hope the smarter than the average Polar Bear officials check out this wonderful, politically incorrect view of the incontrovertible, universally accepted reality of climate change before they do too much. It seems the Brits are getting it. God save the Queen’s winter wardrobe.

I’ll be skiing on natural snow this weekend, next weekend and probably every weekend from now through spring. I might take a break for the inauguration of Mount Rushmore’s next honoree. I am sure I won’t be the only one enjoying a free soda while I wait for the coming free lunch this administration is sure to offer. I might even try to find a new friend to watch it with now that the matchmaking bigots online will let me post a proper picture and a paragraph.

I best enjoy this gravitational powered slide downhill as much as possible this year. For while last year was a record one for snowfall in Utah and much of the west, there is no guarantee that this isn’t the year when global warming finally wins and the mountains remain barren of the frozen water crystals I love so well. If mother nature doesn’t rain her tears upon the ski resorts, modern technology enables the evil recreational capitalists who run the areas to take advantage of the savings from more efficient toilets and make their own. Well, at least until they ban water!

Ban water you say? Surely Shirley you aren’t serious. Who could possibly make an argument to ban water that would ever hold, umm, water? The idea isn’t as far fetched as you’d think. Your typical leftist, environmentalist type is more gullible than a Congressman who believes the Big Three CEOs give a rat’s ass that he thinks their corporate jets are excessive.

Don’t take my word for it. Penn and Teller prove the point brilliantly!



There are problems galore and times may be tough but, face it, sometimes you’ve just got to laugh.

S2

It's not easy being THE

Sitting in traffic on the way to work this morning, at that moment when the hot brewed liquid of life I so greedily consumed released its magic into my bloodstream and my eyes opened, I had a realization. I owe Paris Hilton an apology.

You see, I've been hard in my comments toward the rich little hotel heiress. In an obsessive manner befitting a restraining order, I've ranted to everyone from a college tour group from Paris, France to a bartender in Paris, Texas about how the dead between the ears spoilt one was amazingly,famous for being famous and that I wished all manner of pestilence would rain down upon her. Yeah I was vicious in my distain.

Was I jealous of her fame or was I morally outraged at the “one night” (WARNING: this link contains adult material) that it took her to, pardon the pun, rise to it? I mean, surely it isn't her fault that the press began its fawning. Is it? Did she ask for it by placing herself in the public eye? It's not like she could control the photographers at the many runways she walked down or the night club openings she so often attended. She was just being her and the press forced itself upon her and then her upon us.

She's just a poor little rich girl after all. One the world seems to love, adore, admire and to which they ascribe talents well beyond any she has exhibited.

It could be worse couldn't it? It's not like the media helped her, as someone without demonstrated leadership skills, to be put in charge of anything important right? As I sat in my car under the Red Roof in which I was driving down the road, I though about the power of celebrity and that given enough of it, someone could go far. Farther than anyone could imagine: from relative obscurity to “king of the world; in a meteoric rise that begins One night in Boston and culminates one hot night in Chicago with a sycophantic crowd of devotees chanting in hysterical euphoria like underage girls at an Akon concert. Or even like Akon chanting hysterically for underage girls!

The Courtyard near my office is a place of gathering where conversations range from the latest movies to the Best Western swing dance club in town. Political discussions where being good at being elected is touted as a reason for being elected. Where community organization demonstrates leadership and questionable associations don't require questioning. Where celebrity instills confidence and greatness seems destined. There seems to be the joy of a Holiday in everyone's mood regarding political futures while doubt and skepticism clouds the financial outlook. It's amazing what celebrity can do.

We talk about Paris too. Not the city of lights Paris. We talk about THE Paris. You know THE ONE. She just broke up with her boyfriend and is back on the market. She'll find the right one someday. The one she is to Marry Ought to be sure to get a pre-nuptial agreement.

The fickle press can turn very quickly. Well maybe not but hopefully soon they will examine more closely the real person. We will find the things we should have known before anointing her to a position of social influence.

She is now hunting for a BFF and many in the running are retreads and throwbacks to previous times. We've seen them before. If she isn't careful the bloom will fall from her rosy glow and she'll be exposed for who she is. Once that happens and we see the real ONE, we will have to decide if the devotion afforded her is warranted and should continue. Eventually she will have to do something! Pray it is the right thing.

I feel just a little bad for judging her harshly. I suppose it was a knee jerk reaction to having an onslaught of one sided, biased media stories thrust on me in an effort to promote her. Then again, it could be that I saw through the veiled coverage to the real person and didn't allow myself to be influenced. All I can do now is watch and Hope for the best along with the devotees.

Oh well, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

S2

Someday he will be a real boy.

In a short meeting with congressional leaders, soon to be former President George W. Bush sees Democratic "growth" in it's truest form.



If only Mr. Reid had a cricket to guide him.

I just ran over a pig-footed bandicoot with my Edsel so where is my bailout?

All you tree hugger types can relax. There is no way I would ever run over this four footed deer like marsupial in my Edsel. Actually there is no way I could ever run one over. It isn’t because I am not an excellent driver. I am. I am an excellent driver. Yes I am. Neither is it because I find the little log dwellers so adorable that I would sacrifice myself and my riders to avoid causing one harm. No there are two reasons I could never run over a pig-footed bandicoot with my Edsel. First I, like obviously many others throughout history, have absolutely no desire to own an Edsel. Second, the pig-footed bandicoot is extinct.

The complete impossibility of my ever having the occasion to use my Road Kill Recipes on the carcass of a freshly flattened little Aussie animal puts the current state of the automobile industry bailout, and our economy in total, into a whole new energy saving bulb’s light. I guess power saving CFL bulbs don’t suck so badly anymore and that to see a hypothetical newspaper headline of the future will require about as much scrutiny as President Elect Obama’s Campaign Finances got this past campaign. Imagine reading this:

Excellent bald headed driver runs over Kanab Ambersnail with his gas powered SUV

It seems doubtful this headline will ever appear. Why? Besides the fact I am an excellent driver (I am, I really am), in the future there may not be any Kanab Ambersnails left. There may be no SUVs. And there may be no newspapers! Extinction is a distinct possibility for all three.

So the question is: do we care? I don’t and I feel no shame about that.

Extinction is a natural course in nature. Eventually a stronger, faster and more evolved animal will come along and completely obliterate an existing species from the face of the earth. But enough about the business world and the fate of the newspaper industry you say. What happened to the poor little bandicoot. Can the lessons learned there save the Ambersnail? Can the lessons learned in previous bailouts save the big three auto makers and the New York Times?

Newspapers are like a starving predator that no longer is successful in the hunt because a faster and better killer has come along and is taking its source of food. Unless they can adapt, they will starve. And the arrogant types running these papers seem incapable of the forward thinking that will be required to make the evolutionary changes needed to keep them alive.

It is no surprise that in the unread pages of these soon to be defunct daily fish wrappers the actions of man are presumed to have caused the demise of the bandicoot in Australia. More accurately, the mandated inactions of man did the pouched little furball in. You see, for thousands of years in the south and west ofAustralia, Aborigines land management practice was to burn off vegetation. This patchwork of burnt out land provided the perfect place for the bandicoot to live. A combination of disease which decimated the happy band of wanderer’s population combined with the banning of their land management practices by a supposedly more advanced government policy led to a loss of habitat, food sources and eventually death for the bandicoot.

Another endangered species is also seeing its habitat shrink and government regulations are forcing it to adapt in ways that, although beneficial to it, may not be in its best interest. This species needs to change from within and sometimes that change requires the animal to get very sick before getting better. Survival is not guaranteed and to support it artificially means the weakened and less adapted can live on to get sick again in the near future. Dammit, I keep coming back to the auto industry.

You see, the automakers in Detroit have seen their commanding market shares shrink faster than the world’s fattest man’s waistline in preparation for his wedding. Foreign manufacturers are snapping up this share faster than a bride grabbing up a strapless at the annual one day sale at Filene’s Basement. Combine that with government CAFÉ standards and environmental regulations and the temporary spike in gas prices and exorbitant wages and antiquated factories and poor model choices and on and on and you begin to understand why the suited people walking around the local dealer’s lot look more like auditioning actors for “Day of the Dead IV: It died in the trunk” than professional automobile salespeople.

Honda, Toyota, Nissan and Hyundai all have plants in the United States that are doing much better then their domestic counterparts and they are not holding out their hands to the God of government asking for a reprieve from the evolutionary knife. Neither are the slimy little Kanab Ambersnails. The Ambernsails are living in a few little areas in the Southwest and other than some rats and other scavengers, the biggest threat to their existence would be for someone to open floodgates upstream from them on the Colorado River. You see the slugs are not in a position to adapt to the faster moving water and they will be dragged downstream to a habitat in which they can not exist.

The formerly cash flush car makers allowed themselves to get in deep water of their own with union wages and long term benefits that they now can’t afford to pay. They are in no position to make it through a flood. Do we hold back the water in an ever growing dam that eventually will break and wash these slugs away or do we let the water flow naturally and let nature take its course. This is a decision the collective minds of our politically savvy, business inept and morally devoid elected officials will make later this week.

The fact that I work for a company closely tied to the success of automotive dealers has me curious about and obviously interested in this decision. Until it is made, I suppose I will just have to drive around in my 4X4, avoiding animals and looking for a newspaper. I think I saw a box down by the Vinyl Record Store.

S2

Sometimes you can't win for winning

I think that Arnold the Governator has been inhaling a bit too much of the foul California air. I am not talking about the cloud of toxicity that is often hovering above the Los Angeles basin. Nor am I referring to the terrible smoke belching from the fires that are once again proving money and fame are no guarantee against natural disaster. No, I am talking about the pure vile and hate being spewed by those protesting against the passage of Proposition 8 as their nationwide hissy fit drones on.

This post is not going to discuss the relative merits or prejudices of that proposition. There are enough opinion pieces floating around that have opened plenty of back doors for the bath house and pillow biting crowd to rant through. To be honest I am somewhat politically ambivalent about the whole thing. However, trying to find the best man at a lesbian wedding is a real pain in the ass. Ok, perhaps that isn’t the best way to phrase that given the subject matter. How about it gives me a headache?

What struck me like a lightning rod on a dry mountain top was the complete duplicity in several comments made by Arnold “my spell check is quaking” Schwarzenegger on This Week with George “my spell check just quit” Stephanopoulos. My consistency checker fired up faster than a Santa Barbara hillside under a vengeful God’s wrath when the muscle bound Austrian performed an about face faster than Larry Craig entering a cop filled Minneapolis men’s room as he praised Proposition 11 passing in California immediately after railing about Prop 8 passing too!

Proposition 11 was a proposed amendment to the California constitution and provides guidelines around the every ten year redrawing of the boundaries of legislative districts. Called the Voters First Act, this proposition was supported by as many liberal organizations as opposed it. Republican groups, the one or two of them in California, tended to support the measure. It passed by a very narrow margin.

Proposition 8, for those of you who have been stuck in a line for High School Musical 3 and haven’t heard, adds a new amendment to the California Constitution which says, "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California". The lines were fairly well drawn between left and right lobbying groups on this one. This amendment, too, passed and by a margin that was, albeit thin, three times that of Proposition 11.

When asked by the wee one George if he thought the California Supreme Court should overturn Prop 8, Conan the Governor said:

STEPHANOPOULOS: Proposition 8 here in California, it passed, defining marriage as exclusively for men and women. I know you've said you hope the court overturns it. Will you join Democrats who are filing a challenge in the court?

SCHWARZENEGGER: No. I mean …for me, marriage is between a man and a woman. But I don't want to ever force my will on anyone. I think that the Supreme Court was right by saying that it's unconstitutional. And that everyone should have the right, just like we had the battle in 1948 and the Supreme Court decision came down, that, you know, it was unconstitutional for blacks and whites not to be able to get married with each other, and they overturned that. And since then, that has been taken care of.

And now the Supreme Court says that it's also unconstitutional to not let gay people get married, the same-sex marriage. So to me, that is the important decision here, and everything else is not that important…

STEPHANOPOULOS: So you think the courts should overturn Proposition 8?

SCHWARZENEGGER: The court has overturned it. And now they went back. And the people have voted for it again, against the gay marriage. So the Supreme Court, you know, I think ought to go and look at that again. And we'll go back to the same decision, basically… And I think that the important thing now is to resolve this issue in that way.


Let me make sure I understand this. The Supreme Court decided to allow homosexual marriage. The people of the State of California, following the guidelines prescribed in the state constitution, voted to change the state constitution so marriage would only be between a man and a woman and Sergeant Shriver’s son-in-law feels the court should tell the people of the state to shove their votes up their, well, once again we won’t go there given the subject matter, and over turn the vote! Got it? State Supreme Court = good/smart. People of California = stupid/homophobes to be equated with racists and bigots.

Fast forward in the interview a whopping 20 to 30 seconds:

STEPHANOPOULOS: How about Proposition 11? The opponents of Proposition 11, which will set up this independent commission to draw up the congressional districts, haven't given up the fight yet. Do you think they actually have a chance of still winning?

SCHWARZENEGGER: In Proposition 11? This is over. Proposition 11 has won… And thank God. I think the people of California were very smart in this, because five times before it has not succeeded…And I said, you know, that, whenever you lose, you analyze why you have lost. What have you done wrong? Because the idea is not wrong. It's just the way you went about was wrong…in 2005, I tried that same battle. And I was not inclusive enough…And so we lost. And we went back again, regrouped…And we won.

Once more let me make sure I understand this. The people voted on an issue and, that’s it. The amendment is good, passed, fini, over and done! No Supreme Court to outsmart the people is needed on this one. Got it? Oh, and if any of the "..." edits have you worried, here is the whole transcript.

On second thought I don’t get it. The majority of the electorate voting for a proposition on one hand is fine while the same majority of the electorate voting for a proposition on the other hand is wrong. I am more confused than a bi-sexual cross dresser in a coed bathroom. (Just think about that one!)

I am not happy with the results of several highly contested issues and races in this past election. But I will live with them and will take the opportunity to express my God given right to vote the next time I can. In politics there are winners and losers in every vote. Whining, protests and law suits are but a loser’s way to try to subvert the system and change the will put forth by the people. Some of these subversions will work and that is a shame. Shame on those who bring these suits and partake in these protests. Shame on those who sit idly by and say nothing as these protests and suits progress.

The next time you see somebody whining about their loss in an election and they are protesting seeking to somehow change or overcome the vote, tell them they lost. Work harder next time and they might win. Tell them to sit down, shut up and suck it up. Well, perhaps that last one is once again a poor choice of words but you know what I mean.

S2

Two steps forward, one step back. What a stupid dance.

I thought technological advances were supposed to make our lives easier. Sure I can use my GPS to find where the closest donut shop is to Salt Lake City Police headquarters or search for a web cam that will show me the surf on Oahu's North Shore while waiting for my plane to be de-iced in the Minneapolis airport. But for every advance there seems to be an equally innovative way to keep us from enjoying the benefits of frequent flier miles and hotel points. Things like voice mail, text messaging and email on Blackberrys.

To quote the slogan on Research in Motions web page "Connect to everything you love in life through the power of a BlackBerry® smartphone." The only problem with connecting to everything I love is that the connection is a two way street. I need to have my phone on in order for my wife to remind me she doesn't want whip cream on her Frappacino that I am picking up from Starbucks. This open connection also allows the CEO to send a quick little email assigning me a rather important task that needs to be done ASAP. So soon that I better cut my weekend short and head to our Las Vegas office a day early to work on it. At least I could use the wireless network here at the house to log on to the airlines web site and change the ticket! Talk about convenient!

New products constantly promise us time savings and more freedom. Getting out of the office is great except the damn office is now right in our pocket. There is no escaping it. If is see one more guy on a ski lift trying to show off how important he is that the office has to call him on the slopes by talking loudly on his cell phone about inane decisions that would be better made by flipping a coin I am going to scream. Then I am going to tip him over and watch him flop on his back like Ralphie's little brother in a Christmas Story.

The work week is long enough and getting longer. The "statistics" may show the week is less than forty hours but consider these survey results of small business managers:

· 68 percent work on their days off

· 51 percent work on holidays

· 21 percent work while eating dinner

· 18 percent read work-related documents and email "while in the bathroom!"

I actually heard a flush the other day while talking to a co-worker on the phone.

No man can serve two masters. Most of us have families as well as careers and we are slaves to both. It important that, in the quest for advancement in the corporate world, we don't see retreats on the home front. We need to weigh carefully our time, attention and especially our devotion. We also need to weigh in after hitting the donut shop on the way home from paying our parking tickets. Even in this supposedly declining economy, jobs are a dime in a bakers dozen glazed Krispy Kremes but the "love's of your life" tend to be unique.

As bosses, remember that when you are texting your employee on Sunday while at the first tee the recipient of that communication could very well be loading the car to take the son he sees only on weekends to the baseball game. Or, he could be sound asleep with cucumbers on his eyes and a facial full of exfoliating creme but to each his own. The quest for more leads us to demand more. Let's be sure it doesn't leave us with less.

I personally love my job. In fact, I am starting a new position in the company the week after next. This position promises a little bit more money, a lot more exposure to senior management; and along with that exposure I am sure there will be a lot more Saturday and Sunday messaging. I can live with that; for a while.

Living in Utah, the opportunity for adventure is but a few miles down the road. I have access to World Class Skiing, premiere rock climbing and beautiful backcountry where the only souls I see are my wife and two dogs. I remind myself that, sure, technology provides the office a way to contact me at nearly any time. But they won't know where it is that I am talking to them from. I promise to not talk on the ski lift. I just need to remember to hang up before I flush.

S2

What is the sound of an invisible hand clapping?

To paraphrase the adage: the longest blog post starts with a single word. This journey is going to be all over the map but in the end I am not sure it goes anywhere. Let’s just call it an extemporaneous trip of self-expression and free association. Speaking of trips:

I can imagine Adam Smith and Ronald Reagan on a road trip in Heaven. Returning from Hell after toilet papering Karl Marx’s house, they looked at their Atlas and Shrugged. Where did Capitalism go? They’d ask John Galt if they only knew who the hell he was.The United State’s slide toward an economy reminiscent of the stagnant government intruding and nearly socialist models of many European nations should come as no surprise. For years our state run institutions of higher indoctrination have been the home of wayward communists and leftist bomb throwers. They are Party places where state is praised as the savior of the poor and individual accomplishment is frowned upon. And God or Christmas, don’t even go there! Really comrade, do you expect someone who refuses to keep score in a little league game to teach that competition is healthy and that the free market works?


The much maligned free market does, in fact, work. What doesn’t work is government involvement in business. The papers, blogs, radio and television are now atwitter over the need to bail out the auto industry to stave off yet another in the increasing line of falling dominos on the road to financial and economic ruin. Democrats in the Senate are proposing giving the big three auto makers $25 billion dollars and are wooing weak kneed Republican Senators from the Rust Belt to their side. This money will not be free and it will not do anything other than lead us further away from the principles that made this country great: free market capitalism.

Money is control and Congress will demand of the big three that some control be surrendered for it. Concessions like management changes (Obama wants an Auto Czar – don’t you just love the word Czar?), salary concessions and a commitment to make the shitty little electric vehicles that nobody in their right mind would want to own. (Ed. Note: If the whiny deathtraps were any good or were wanted by people, the government wouldn’t have to force Detroit to make them; they’d be making them on their own to keep up with demand; although the Smart Cars do seem to be selling so someone). Once this camel’s nose is under the tent, it won’t be long until even more intrusion follows and as someone who just had to visit the DMV to renew a driver’s license, I know government run institutions run about as well as my dog does on an icy pond. Sure it is funny to watch but it is pretty sad too. The poor thing is way over his head and has no clue how to get off or what to do. Umm, I am talking about the government, not my dog.

More important in all of this is the fact government spending doesn’t work to stimulate private business. Don’t take my word for it. Much smarter minds than mine, besides being found on the kids panel of “Are You Smarter Than A 5^th Grader, have written on this here.

My fear is that the auto bailout is but the next step in our path to socialism. We are like the frog being cooked alive in a pot of slowly warming water. In the kind of creeping socialism espoused by Marx around 150 years ago, our toes and our country are turning red from the heat. Let’s hope the increasingly spiraling expenditures being touted now raise the temperature quickly enough to get everyone croaking in complaint instead of our freedom just plain ole croaking.

There is hope. George W, in his recent address to the G20 stated: “History has shown that the greater threat to economic prosperity is not too little government involvement in the market, but too much… Our aim should not be more government, it should be smarter government.''

“The answer is not to try to reinvent that system,'' Bush said. “It is to fix the problems we face, make the reforms we need, and move forward with the free market system.''

Well hooray, huzzah, woo hoo and an atta boy to the President. Good for him but it is about damn time! I guess it is better late than never but this kind of address smacks of a death-bed confession and a grasp for legacy with two short months to go in his eight year tenure. He and Republicans like him enabled much of this slide away from the capitalism he is now claiming to hold so dear. So long as it didn’t fall on deaf ears. But alas it most likely did.

For government may be the pusher of this “everyone is equal and society needs a political fix” drug, but we are the addicts. A not so wise blogger recently posted about the growing number of hungry Oliver Twists standing in line at the orphanage of Monkle Sam asking “Please sir, may I have some more?” in an effort to grab for themselves a bowl full of bailout. In fact, scroll down and you will find it and some relevant links.

When Adam Smith’s now out of sight out of mind theory of the “invisible hand” of capitalism was first coined, people were better than they are today. True champions of industry desired to build long lasting and socially, as well as financially, beneficial companies for the long term. Todays get rich quick at any cost and damn everyone else ideal is providing the fuel for the fire bombs thrown by the “we must restrain unregulated capitalism” crowd. Ideals and actions like those of AIG who, after receiving their 700 billion dollar goose to save them from ruin, decided to still pay bonuses and exorbitant salaries to avoid having their senior management leave. These are same senior managers whose decisions brought the company to the verge of this ruin. Yeah, we sure wouldn’t want them to leave now would we? The mortgage lenders who made loans to people they damn well knew couldn’t afford them (at the direction of the geniuses like Barney Frank in the House). From the parachutes of corporate executives all the way to the “I know I can’t afford it but I want it anyway” borrowers, the golden rule seems to be “give me the money now and I will worry about the future later”.

Ayn Rand was prophetic in her analysis and prediction of how the takers would, well, take. Yes, the heroes in her novels were all about doing what was in their own self-interest; objectivists as her philosophy describes them. And, at the core of capitalism it is self-interest and success that is the fuel for the economic engine. But it is not self-interest at the detriment of others. Unlike a little league game where someone does win and someone does lose (at least when a score is kept), in an economy everyone can be a winner. A rising tide will raise all boats so long as someone isn’t putting holes in other’s hulls in an effort to sink their ships to raise the water level. True capitalists succeed through honest effort, providing goods and services better, faster, cheaper and on their own while providing jobs to hard working individuals. These people shouldn’t be punished. Takers, seek the easy road and handouts in order to get ahead. These people and companies shouldn’t be rewarded. I don’t think, like in Rand’s novel, the forward thinking, creative and productive members of society should segment themselves in some inaccessible mountain valley. They, and all of us, need to reign in the takers, distributionists and “share the wealth” crowd before it is too late.

A couple things need to happen to get us on the right track. One thing is to get government out of the way. Are the auto makers too big to fail? I don’t know but if they do, so be it. Another thing is for all of us to realize there are more important things than our own selves and short term gain. Is it a purpose driven life we should seek? That is up to you. All I know is that if we turn ourselves over to the religion of government, we are all damned.

At least we can go by Karl’s house and watch him clean up the TP.

Whew.
S2

No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.

In these days of frustration and worry, sometimes a good nap is what is needed.