Money for nothing but Rock Chips are free

There is not much better than taking a deep breath of cool, clean mountain air on a fall morning. There’s something magical about the thin, lower oxygenated gas that, despite making it sometimes difficult to catch your breath on the long trudge to the end of the driveway to check the mail, fills you with energy. The thinness of the air also lets objects fly farther. Frisbees, golf balls, midgets and rocks kicked up by semi tractor trailers seem to stay aloft for much greater distances than at sea level. I guess that is why I seem to be replacing my windshield every year. Fortunately for me, a new windshield is free.

That’s right, I go down to the windshield shop drop off my vehicle and about 45 minutes later I drive away with a freshly installed, sparkling clean, temporarily bug free pigeon target and I didn’t have to fork over a cent. Of course we know there’s no such thing as a free lunch or, in this case, windshield. Somebody has to pay for it and they aren’t cheap. The glass installers bill my auto insurance company and they aren’t cheap. The companies that install them are selling brand spanking new ones and it isn’t likely they offer them an “it fell off the back of a truck” discount. I mean for some things that might be a way to get a discount but in the world of automotive glass the practice has some flaws. Knowing this, I don’t go out and immediately get a new windshield at the first sign of a chip. Why should my insurance company have to pay frequently because I have a tendency to tailgate dump trucks? Others, though, seem to have no compulsion against this? If it is transparent to me that this isn’t a free service, what keeps everyone else from seeing the light through the glass?

I guess it is because people will do just about anything if they think there’s an opportunity to get something free; or even if it is just discounted. The news yesterday showed people lined up outside department stores in some of our larger, overwhelmingly liberal voting metropolitan areas waiting for two and three days to be first in line for the amazing deals on Black Friday. One guy was asked what the big sale item was that he was waiting for and he said, “I don’t know but I am sure it will be worth the wait”. Huh? Did this Scarecrow just admit he was spending three days perched outside, in the rain, peeing in a porta-potty and sleeping in a lawn chair for the sole purpose of being first in line to receive a gift from the great and powerful OZ-Mart. Oh, if he only had a brain?

UPDATED: 11/28 - Unfortunately, I saw this headline during this morning's required reading. Items on sale at the Wal-Mart store included a $798 Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV, a Bissel Compact Upright Vaccum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9 END UPDATE

The lure of getting “something for nothing” is extremely strong. It is what drives people to buy lottery tickets, go to Las Vegas, cheat on their taxes and buy houses they can’t afford because the magic of “equity” will kick in before they have to pay for it.

I’ve had more fights with the IRS than Michael Vick has dogs. In most of them I came out ahead because I keep meticulous, some would say anal, records and I pay what I am supposed to. It just seems the IRS trains their agents with the same consistency as crunchy peanut butter and their opinions are about as easy to swallow. So when I see these ads on late night TV, and vampire want to be that I am I see a ton of late night TV, advertising how you can get out of your IRS debt, I want bite someone’s head off. Sure the IRS is a blood sucking leach but companies like Tax Masters advertise they will get you out of your debt. Now wait a minute. If you owe $50,000 to the Federal Government; you should pay $50,000 to the Federal Government. How is it that they get away with paying less? I tried giving the nice lady at Albertson’s $1.20 for my jar of Jiffy yesterday because I was a bit short of the $3.95 she wanted and the only thing I got was escorted to the parking lot. I called the Freedom Financial Network and American Tax Relief for help but they both hung up on me.

Taxes are too high and I am guessing they will soon be going higher. That said, lemming that I am, I will pay what I owe and bitch the whole way to the post office at 11:59 on April 15th just to keep my money as long as I can. It irks me to learn others are treating the IRS like the guy selling goods from a parked truck in an alley and making cut rate deals. And it irks me even more to learn the IRS is letting them. In an act as compassionate as removing one’s tonsils via, umm, the “other end” the government reached in to my bank account and took $1500 they said I owed them. Now I puckered up the sphincter and took in my neatly typed, alphabetized and neatly folded records which proved they were wrong and got my money back but what’s with folks who admit they actually owe the moeny getting off for pennies on the dollar? Something doesn’t smell right here.

We aren’t supposed to blame the poor naïve home owner who was taken advantage of by unscrupulous lenders and now can’t afford their homes for getting us in to the financial dire straits we are in. We aren’t supposed to but I do. These Hansel and Gretel borrowers had to know they bit off a bigger bite of the peanut butter and ginger bread house and now that it is time to pay the Pied Piper, they go crying to Mother Government. It is unfortunate that they are being bailed out. I will admit it might be the Hans Christian Anderson thing to do in helping our neighbor. Except for the fact that right after the Tax Master ad last night was one for a mortgage lender who said, “With the influx of government money, we can now make loans to an even broader group of lenders. Don’t delay, apply today”. What was that old saying about fool me once shame on you fool me twice I must be an elected official?

Low Book Deals is a used car seller here in Utah. They announce they can approve you for a loan even if you’ve been turned down by everyone else. I am sure wherever you are there are similar companies. We had names in high school for girls who would give approval to anyone. Is there an equivalent for a business?

The days of personal responsibility are gone. We will soon have everything taken care of for us. Nationalized healthcare, government run 401K accounts and more free money are on the way with GPS directed accuracy. Just don’t ask who is going to pay for all of it. It might be my auto insurance company.


The only free lunches are those at soup kitchens and even they demand you say prayers before you eat the free peanut butter sandwiches that Hans' cousin Pam is handing out. Looking at the long lines of leeches outside the department store of government awaiting any kind of handout they can get I think a prayer might just be in order.

S2