Maps, Apps and fine print

If you have been watching television in general or any one of the seemingly thousands of college bowl games specifically, you have most likely seen one of the competing ads for Verizon or AT&T focusing on maps of their coverage, etc. While I find ads from both companies marginally entertaining, I can't help wishing for a pause button to read the fine print that flashes briefly on the screen during the 30 second plea for business.

For, you see, it is in this fine print that the truth is told. We all know it. The FCC dictates the size, length of visualization and content of much of this fine print and it is done in order to protect us, the ignorant consumer, from being taken advantage of by evil corporations. This same regulation has brought us the super fast voice over in radio commercials and the laundry list of potential side effects (nausea, vomiting, anal bleeding, erectile dysfunction, increased ear hair or audible flatulence) for every drug currently marketed on television, radio or in print.

I've often wondered why any drug company would pay for an ad where over half of their media purchased time is spent pointing out potential problems from usage of their product instead of the benefits of the same. Imagine if Pizza Hut had to warn you of weight gain, stained shirts and lactose intolerance in every one of their ads.

The fact most people aren't even aware of the fine print in commercials is yet another example of the ineffectiveness of this type of government intrusion in to capitalist endeavors. Marketers have found ways to minimize their exposure in these disclaimers and ads often make outright fun of them.

So why is it that our lawmakers feel the need to impose regulations that serve little purpose, produce no results and frustrate both the producers and consumers of advertisements? I wish I knew but....I think of this type of ineffectiveness often when considering the increased regulations sure to appear with Health Care reform and new laws around supposed climate change.

Next time you are watching a show from your DVR or, in the old school case, VCR, take a pause from skipping a commercial to pause the commercial and read the fine print. Better yet, take a pause from the boob tube altogether and read the fine print in the health care bill. I think you will find that, instead of protecting us from evil corporations, we should find ways to protect ourselves from evil government instead.

S2

Wait an hour before swimming

Snopes, the authority on all things rumored, did one of their exposes on fourteen "Old Wives Tales" and the best these superstitions could do in the face of complete refutation was one "undetermined" and several "unclassifiable veracity".

So why it that year after year old wives keep spewing these pearls of wisdom to their progeny in hopes of changing their behavior? Most of them know what they are saying isn't really true but, my guess is, they think it sounds just good enough they will get away with saying it; kind of like the indignation being put on by members of Congress over the AIG bonuses or guy at the bar telling the hottie he just met, "I've never felt like this before and I can't believe we've only known each other two hours. Do you need a ride home?"

Parents and others in authority seem to think a little white lie is acceptable to tell a mush brained adolescent if the end result is beneficial to them. The ONE, a President who embodies the ultimate in nanny state governance exemplifies this practice better than your average suburban hockey mom.

Through regulation, taxation and plain old badgering, our government has been attempting to change our behavior for far too long and the practice is picking up speed faster than an affronted special interest group runs to the media after a Biden or Obama off teleprompter appearance.

The latest example of the government forcing us to eat our plate of broccoli when we really want pizza is the continuing move to push us in to little electric death traps that probably will need to be pushed the final mile home every other night. We've been hearing for years that a functional and efficient electric car is coming soon. Well, I am going to start working out and dieting one of these days, too.

The problem with huge government investment in projects and technology like this is, we don't want it. Hybrids, the darling of the Green Movement just a few months ago are now sitting alongside their gas guzzling cousins on the lots of American auto dealerships while customers avoid their salesmen in droves.

The day will come, and I do hope it is soon, that the populace of this great country moves to alternatives to oil and other energy that we are currently required to purchase from guys with sheets for suits and shit for brains who want us dead and look at electric or other powered vehicles. This will happen when those vehicles become valuable to us through efficiency, comfort and all those intangibles that will allow a man to overcompensate with one instead of looking emasculated behind the wheel. The free market will determine when that day comes.

Until that day, we will be like pre-teens pushing our vegetables around the economic plate and government money thrown at these technologies will end up wasted like so many uneaten meals that our mother's told us would feed the starving kids in Africa.

We should do with the money what we all told our moms when they used that trite bit of psychology, "sent it to them".

S2

Will you at least save money for peanuts and Crackerjacks?

Former Speaker of the House, New Deal liberal and “after 6 pm” friend of Ronald Reagan, Tip O’Neill is cited as saying “All politics is local”. When speaking of the campaign that taught him that lesson, his only loss in 26 political races, he also says he realized, “People want to be asked”. Hey now there is a concept for a politician.

I think the former of those two sayings goes a long way to explaining why we as a nation can’t, or won’t, put a stop to the slaughtering of our country’s financial sheet in the form of pork that is doled out in such quantities you need a stadium to hold the plate. People heading in to cast their secret until I run out and tell an exit pollster who I voted for ballot tend to pull the lever for the incumbent a vast majority of the time. After all, my guy is OK as long as he brings taxpayer money back to our district. It is those people in the rest of the country sending their idiot to Washington to take taxpayer money to their districts that are the problem. You can’t very well kill the Golden Goose that brings home the bacon and eggs now can you?

Be it a corporate bailout or pork, we shouldn't care. It isn't our money anyway.


Senator Robert Byrd only needs one or two more terms and West Virginia will be 100% named after him. The only thing in the Mountain State left to have his name emblazoned on it are the bed sheets used by the local RJB Chapter of the Ku Klux Klan on Saturday nights. Ted “thank God he is finally gone” Stevens nearly won re-election even after he was convicted of fraud because he was so popular. If only those voters on the far side of the incomplete “bridge to nowhere” could have made it to the booths.

Voters seem to be as loyal to those bearing government gifts as they are to their local sports teams. And when the money coming in benefits these teams, all bets are off. New stadiums are seen by sports fans as either an entry in to the big leagues for their sport’s franchise or as a way to bring back lost glory. We could be winners if it weren’t for this crappy cheaply renovated slum that our team has to play in. Politicians on a local level see stadiums as a way to leave a lasting legacy, or worse as a way to stimulate the economy. And the beautiful thing seems to be you don’t even have to ask the voters if they want a new stadium. And you if do, screw them, you can do what you want anyway.

In Washington, DC taxpayers voted out of office three DC Council incumbents who supported using taxpayer funds to build a new stadium to lure the Montreal Expos to the area. Showing that “government inaction” is a term best left to describing the urgency of meaningless issues like school choice, DC officials, major league baseball and Mayor “this is my legacy” Anthony Williams met in a marathon 12 hour meeting to “seal the deal” on this funding before the newly elected anti-subsidy council takes office. They shoot, they score! As a beautiful extra point to this story, the benefactors of this largesse vetoed a site that would be far less expensive to build on because the drive was too long. When it comes to Mayor Williams, niggardly is not a word he likes to use regarding budgets.

Regarding a new baseball stadium for the Florida Marlins, a Miami-Dade County Circuit Judge recently ruled against plaintiffs who said the stadium financing, which is a large part of a $3 Billion Public Works Project, was an unconstitutional diversion of money intended to cure urban blight and should have been submitted to voters for approval. The fact that the Marlins have the lowest attendance in all of baseball means the planners will be able to include a lot of green space to help eliminate that evil urban blight.

In Dallas, or Arlington if you are a stickler for city boundaries, the new Billion dollars plus Cowboy’s stadium is letting nothing stand it its way. And since it is a new stadium, loyal fans should be less upset about being moved from their 50 yard line prime Cheerleader ogling seat to one down around the 38 yard line than those homeowners required to move from this prime piece of real estate to make way for the stadium. The view from Aunt Leslie's former back yard of the, umm, game that interrupts the girls will still be good. Everything’s bigger in Texas ya’ll.

Sometimes there isn’t enough government money available for a stadium. We have to spread the wealth. When that happens, business steps in like a linebacker picking up a fumble and saves the game. Just like recent bailout recipient Citigroup did when they decided to keep their bargain and spend $400 million over the next 20 years to have the new Mets stadium called Citi Field. The Mets in return guaranteed a jersey and a ball cap would be made available to the 1 in 5 Citigroup employees who is scheduled to lose their job in 2009 to keep the company viable.

Bailout Czar Hank Paulson’s son is even getting into the act. Merritt Paulson is telling the populace of Portland that if they are willing to spend $85 million on one new stadium and the revamping of a recently revamped one, he will bring his team to the city. If not, I guess he will take his ball and go find some other sucker.

Here in Salt Lake City, Larry “I own just about everything already” Miller used privately sourced funding to build the then named Delta Center which opened in 1991. Unfortunately, Real Salt Lake owner Dave Checketts, featured in the book “the Mormon Way of Doing Business” decided to instead take a page from the taxpayers of Salt Lake County’s checkbook when looking for a new stadium for his soccer team. After a prolonged bidding war between Salt Lake City and Sandy, Utah in which only the politicians wanted to be the winner Sandy was saddled with this nag of a building.

In March of 2006 the “I do what the LDS Church tells me to” Utah Legislature passed two funding bills for the proposed stadium. After a few laps around the track, Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon pledges $40 million dollars and Sandy kicks in another $15 million and hunky underwear model and sometimes soccer player David Beckham comes to Sandy to lift a golden shovel of this crap at the stadium's groundbreaking ceremony.

Only then, in October of 2006 does the County hire an independent consultant to review Real’s finances.

The timeline then continues:
• Jan. 19, 2007 — A review by an independent financial consultant concludes that even in the best of circumstances, Real won't be able to pay the bills.
• Jan. 26, 2007 — The county's Debt Review Committee says the team is not financially viable.
• Jan. 29, 2007 — Corroon decides that giving $30 million to the team is an "unsafe investment" and stops all negotiations with the team. With that decision, team owner Dave Checketts says he is "weighing his options" — which include selling the team. Real will play one more year at Rice-Eccles Stadium, Checketts says.

We snuck in under the glove on that one; for about three days!!

On February second, after nearly 100 hours of thought, a proposal to divert up to 15% of the County’s hotel taxes was approved, a new funding bill was than passed on the 8th and signed in to law by Governor “I want my name in The Mormon Way of Doing Business Volume Two” John Huntsman Jr. one day later.

Ain’t that a soccer kick in the pants? Once again the will of the people seems to matter little when placed against the will and legacy of those in office.

All is well that ends well, the Real Salt Lake made it to the playoffs this year and played to historically low crowds at the stadium. And the trend is not moving upward for attendance. Every cloud has a silver lining; that disappointed fan in Dallas might be able to trade his 38 yard line seats for mid-field ones in Utah. Our cheerleaders are cute too!

S2

A few tasty links for you to gobble up this week.

Before you swagger up to the table laden with mountains of food this Thursday to engage in the belly busting, gorge fest that has become of Thanksgiving, I thought I would provide a little reading list to peruse in between halves of the football game while in your high caloric tryptophan enduced euphoria:

If you need to catch a plane home from Canada, you will have a lot of room!

These fat folks won't be eating here.

Thank God our country is helping to prevent this situation!
You can help them here.

Nothing says Thanksgiving like a Happy Meal.

Turkey can be expensive. Your meal could break the bank.

Imagine if Pamela Anderson quit writing letters to Obama and sat down for a few real, non-vegan, meals.

I mentioned that we were part of this recipe myself a few posts ago.

Please don't drink and cook.

And since it is a day about fat turkeys.