Will you at least save money for peanuts and Crackerjacks?

Former Speaker of the House, New Deal liberal and “after 6 pm” friend of Ronald Reagan, Tip O’Neill is cited as saying “All politics is local”. When speaking of the campaign that taught him that lesson, his only loss in 26 political races, he also says he realized, “People want to be asked”. Hey now there is a concept for a politician.

I think the former of those two sayings goes a long way to explaining why we as a nation can’t, or won’t, put a stop to the slaughtering of our country’s financial sheet in the form of pork that is doled out in such quantities you need a stadium to hold the plate. People heading in to cast their secret until I run out and tell an exit pollster who I voted for ballot tend to pull the lever for the incumbent a vast majority of the time. After all, my guy is OK as long as he brings taxpayer money back to our district. It is those people in the rest of the country sending their idiot to Washington to take taxpayer money to their districts that are the problem. You can’t very well kill the Golden Goose that brings home the bacon and eggs now can you?

Be it a corporate bailout or pork, we shouldn't care. It isn't our money anyway.


Senator Robert Byrd only needs one or two more terms and West Virginia will be 100% named after him. The only thing in the Mountain State left to have his name emblazoned on it are the bed sheets used by the local RJB Chapter of the Ku Klux Klan on Saturday nights. Ted “thank God he is finally gone” Stevens nearly won re-election even after he was convicted of fraud because he was so popular. If only those voters on the far side of the incomplete “bridge to nowhere” could have made it to the booths.

Voters seem to be as loyal to those bearing government gifts as they are to their local sports teams. And when the money coming in benefits these teams, all bets are off. New stadiums are seen by sports fans as either an entry in to the big leagues for their sport’s franchise or as a way to bring back lost glory. We could be winners if it weren’t for this crappy cheaply renovated slum that our team has to play in. Politicians on a local level see stadiums as a way to leave a lasting legacy, or worse as a way to stimulate the economy. And the beautiful thing seems to be you don’t even have to ask the voters if they want a new stadium. And you if do, screw them, you can do what you want anyway.

In Washington, DC taxpayers voted out of office three DC Council incumbents who supported using taxpayer funds to build a new stadium to lure the Montreal Expos to the area. Showing that “government inaction” is a term best left to describing the urgency of meaningless issues like school choice, DC officials, major league baseball and Mayor “this is my legacy” Anthony Williams met in a marathon 12 hour meeting to “seal the deal” on this funding before the newly elected anti-subsidy council takes office. They shoot, they score! As a beautiful extra point to this story, the benefactors of this largesse vetoed a site that would be far less expensive to build on because the drive was too long. When it comes to Mayor Williams, niggardly is not a word he likes to use regarding budgets.

Regarding a new baseball stadium for the Florida Marlins, a Miami-Dade County Circuit Judge recently ruled against plaintiffs who said the stadium financing, which is a large part of a $3 Billion Public Works Project, was an unconstitutional diversion of money intended to cure urban blight and should have been submitted to voters for approval. The fact that the Marlins have the lowest attendance in all of baseball means the planners will be able to include a lot of green space to help eliminate that evil urban blight.

In Dallas, or Arlington if you are a stickler for city boundaries, the new Billion dollars plus Cowboy’s stadium is letting nothing stand it its way. And since it is a new stadium, loyal fans should be less upset about being moved from their 50 yard line prime Cheerleader ogling seat to one down around the 38 yard line than those homeowners required to move from this prime piece of real estate to make way for the stadium. The view from Aunt Leslie's former back yard of the, umm, game that interrupts the girls will still be good. Everything’s bigger in Texas ya’ll.

Sometimes there isn’t enough government money available for a stadium. We have to spread the wealth. When that happens, business steps in like a linebacker picking up a fumble and saves the game. Just like recent bailout recipient Citigroup did when they decided to keep their bargain and spend $400 million over the next 20 years to have the new Mets stadium called Citi Field. The Mets in return guaranteed a jersey and a ball cap would be made available to the 1 in 5 Citigroup employees who is scheduled to lose their job in 2009 to keep the company viable.

Bailout Czar Hank Paulson’s son is even getting into the act. Merritt Paulson is telling the populace of Portland that if they are willing to spend $85 million on one new stadium and the revamping of a recently revamped one, he will bring his team to the city. If not, I guess he will take his ball and go find some other sucker.

Here in Salt Lake City, Larry “I own just about everything already” Miller used privately sourced funding to build the then named Delta Center which opened in 1991. Unfortunately, Real Salt Lake owner Dave Checketts, featured in the book “the Mormon Way of Doing Business” decided to instead take a page from the taxpayers of Salt Lake County’s checkbook when looking for a new stadium for his soccer team. After a prolonged bidding war between Salt Lake City and Sandy, Utah in which only the politicians wanted to be the winner Sandy was saddled with this nag of a building.

In March of 2006 the “I do what the LDS Church tells me to” Utah Legislature passed two funding bills for the proposed stadium. After a few laps around the track, Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon pledges $40 million dollars and Sandy kicks in another $15 million and hunky underwear model and sometimes soccer player David Beckham comes to Sandy to lift a golden shovel of this crap at the stadium's groundbreaking ceremony.

Only then, in October of 2006 does the County hire an independent consultant to review Real’s finances.

The timeline then continues:
• Jan. 19, 2007 — A review by an independent financial consultant concludes that even in the best of circumstances, Real won't be able to pay the bills.
• Jan. 26, 2007 — The county's Debt Review Committee says the team is not financially viable.
• Jan. 29, 2007 — Corroon decides that giving $30 million to the team is an "unsafe investment" and stops all negotiations with the team. With that decision, team owner Dave Checketts says he is "weighing his options" — which include selling the team. Real will play one more year at Rice-Eccles Stadium, Checketts says.

We snuck in under the glove on that one; for about three days!!

On February second, after nearly 100 hours of thought, a proposal to divert up to 15% of the County’s hotel taxes was approved, a new funding bill was than passed on the 8th and signed in to law by Governor “I want my name in The Mormon Way of Doing Business Volume Two” John Huntsman Jr. one day later.

Ain’t that a soccer kick in the pants? Once again the will of the people seems to matter little when placed against the will and legacy of those in office.

All is well that ends well, the Real Salt Lake made it to the playoffs this year and played to historically low crowds at the stadium. And the trend is not moving upward for attendance. Every cloud has a silver lining; that disappointed fan in Dallas might be able to trade his 38 yard line seats for mid-field ones in Utah. Our cheerleaders are cute too!

S2

Money for nothing but Rock Chips are free

There is not much better than taking a deep breath of cool, clean mountain air on a fall morning. There’s something magical about the thin, lower oxygenated gas that, despite making it sometimes difficult to catch your breath on the long trudge to the end of the driveway to check the mail, fills you with energy. The thinness of the air also lets objects fly farther. Frisbees, golf balls, midgets and rocks kicked up by semi tractor trailers seem to stay aloft for much greater distances than at sea level. I guess that is why I seem to be replacing my windshield every year. Fortunately for me, a new windshield is free.

That’s right, I go down to the windshield shop drop off my vehicle and about 45 minutes later I drive away with a freshly installed, sparkling clean, temporarily bug free pigeon target and I didn’t have to fork over a cent. Of course we know there’s no such thing as a free lunch or, in this case, windshield. Somebody has to pay for it and they aren’t cheap. The glass installers bill my auto insurance company and they aren’t cheap. The companies that install them are selling brand spanking new ones and it isn’t likely they offer them an “it fell off the back of a truck” discount. I mean for some things that might be a way to get a discount but in the world of automotive glass the practice has some flaws. Knowing this, I don’t go out and immediately get a new windshield at the first sign of a chip. Why should my insurance company have to pay frequently because I have a tendency to tailgate dump trucks? Others, though, seem to have no compulsion against this? If it is transparent to me that this isn’t a free service, what keeps everyone else from seeing the light through the glass?

I guess it is because people will do just about anything if they think there’s an opportunity to get something free; or even if it is just discounted. The news yesterday showed people lined up outside department stores in some of our larger, overwhelmingly liberal voting metropolitan areas waiting for two and three days to be first in line for the amazing deals on Black Friday. One guy was asked what the big sale item was that he was waiting for and he said, “I don’t know but I am sure it will be worth the wait”. Huh? Did this Scarecrow just admit he was spending three days perched outside, in the rain, peeing in a porta-potty and sleeping in a lawn chair for the sole purpose of being first in line to receive a gift from the great and powerful OZ-Mart. Oh, if he only had a brain?

UPDATED: 11/28 - Unfortunately, I saw this headline during this morning's required reading. Items on sale at the Wal-Mart store included a $798 Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV, a Bissel Compact Upright Vaccum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9 END UPDATE

The lure of getting “something for nothing” is extremely strong. It is what drives people to buy lottery tickets, go to Las Vegas, cheat on their taxes and buy houses they can’t afford because the magic of “equity” will kick in before they have to pay for it.

I’ve had more fights with the IRS than Michael Vick has dogs. In most of them I came out ahead because I keep meticulous, some would say anal, records and I pay what I am supposed to. It just seems the IRS trains their agents with the same consistency as crunchy peanut butter and their opinions are about as easy to swallow. So when I see these ads on late night TV, and vampire want to be that I am I see a ton of late night TV, advertising how you can get out of your IRS debt, I want bite someone’s head off. Sure the IRS is a blood sucking leach but companies like Tax Masters advertise they will get you out of your debt. Now wait a minute. If you owe $50,000 to the Federal Government; you should pay $50,000 to the Federal Government. How is it that they get away with paying less? I tried giving the nice lady at Albertson’s $1.20 for my jar of Jiffy yesterday because I was a bit short of the $3.95 she wanted and the only thing I got was escorted to the parking lot. I called the Freedom Financial Network and American Tax Relief for help but they both hung up on me.

Taxes are too high and I am guessing they will soon be going higher. That said, lemming that I am, I will pay what I owe and bitch the whole way to the post office at 11:59 on April 15th just to keep my money as long as I can. It irks me to learn others are treating the IRS like the guy selling goods from a parked truck in an alley and making cut rate deals. And it irks me even more to learn the IRS is letting them. In an act as compassionate as removing one’s tonsils via, umm, the “other end” the government reached in to my bank account and took $1500 they said I owed them. Now I puckered up the sphincter and took in my neatly typed, alphabetized and neatly folded records which proved they were wrong and got my money back but what’s with folks who admit they actually owe the moeny getting off for pennies on the dollar? Something doesn’t smell right here.

We aren’t supposed to blame the poor naïve home owner who was taken advantage of by unscrupulous lenders and now can’t afford their homes for getting us in to the financial dire straits we are in. We aren’t supposed to but I do. These Hansel and Gretel borrowers had to know they bit off a bigger bite of the peanut butter and ginger bread house and now that it is time to pay the Pied Piper, they go crying to Mother Government. It is unfortunate that they are being bailed out. I will admit it might be the Hans Christian Anderson thing to do in helping our neighbor. Except for the fact that right after the Tax Master ad last night was one for a mortgage lender who said, “With the influx of government money, we can now make loans to an even broader group of lenders. Don’t delay, apply today”. What was that old saying about fool me once shame on you fool me twice I must be an elected official?

Low Book Deals is a used car seller here in Utah. They announce they can approve you for a loan even if you’ve been turned down by everyone else. I am sure wherever you are there are similar companies. We had names in high school for girls who would give approval to anyone. Is there an equivalent for a business?

The days of personal responsibility are gone. We will soon have everything taken care of for us. Nationalized healthcare, government run 401K accounts and more free money are on the way with GPS directed accuracy. Just don’t ask who is going to pay for all of it. It might be my auto insurance company.


The only free lunches are those at soup kitchens and even they demand you say prayers before you eat the free peanut butter sandwiches that Hans' cousin Pam is handing out. Looking at the long lines of leeches outside the department store of government awaiting any kind of handout they can get I think a prayer might just be in order.

S2

The clothes don't make the country

Look in my closet and you will quickly realize I am not a slave to fashion. It is not that I don’t care how I look but I am dead certain that skinny ties and polyester are about to make a comeback. I just know it and I’d bet my entire Bee Gees disco collection on it. Perhaps this is why my wife insists on letting me know when TLC’s “What Not to Wear” is on; and it is on frequently.

If you’ve never been forced to watch this bit of reality TV, it centers around two fashionistas, Stacy London, a “carefully coiffed but still allows a hint of grey in her hair” babe and Clinton Kelly, neat dresser whose orientation is as debatable as nature versus nurture argument that very well might determine it, who descend upon an unsuspecting victim from the fashion police’s top ten most wanted list and destroy them in a form reminiscent of the drill instructor from the movie Full Metal Jacket only to build them up fashionably, socially and even on occasion spiritually.

The selected fashion don’ts are sent to New York where their entire wardrobe is tossed aside as unceremoniously as a High School Football star is dropped by the Head Cheerleader as soon as he’s no longer the starting quarterback. Unlike the ex-starter who’s only left with memories of the bus ride to away games, the newly de-clothed is given $5000 to buy a new wardrobe. They are given some very common sense rules that are to be followed not just during this shop fest but are heeded long term: Don’t buy cheap clothes, buy outfits that are multipurpose, dress for you body type and a few others.

The makeovers on this show are often more dramatic than a sky filling sunset viewed beside a dozen aging hippies and potential future subjects for the show from Mallory Square in Key West and the immediacy of this change, it happens in less than a week, can not be overlooked. And when it comes to fashion, you better not be slow. You see the person, or dare I set the stage for the rest of this post by calling them the foundation, is basically the same. They get new hair, new makeup tips and new clothes but the individual is the same. The change in attitude, professionalism and even in their ultimate potential is stunning.

In addition to this show on changing wardrobes, TLC features shows about decorating houses too. Sometimes, these shows feature the concept of Redecorating. Just like a child moving food around his plate while avoiding eating it, the redecorator changes your room by moving things you already own around your house to make it feel different. Being the cheapskate that I am, hence my avoidance of shopping for new clothes, I initially thought this was a pretty good idea. We could enjoy the new feel of a redecorated room without taking our precious savings from the starving banks in this time of financial need.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long until I realized the sofa I was sitting on was the same old piece of crap with a spring in the cushion and wobbly back that was in the other corner of the room a week ago.

About now you are asking yourself, “What is the bald guy getting at with all this fashion and decorating talk?” Has he gone off the deep end and is about to start giving Martha Stewart like advice on ferns and fois gras? Hell, even Martha is talking with a turkey about politics on morning TV instead of about turkey.

Well the analogy should be about as obvious as the lies coming out of Barney Frank’s and Chris Dodd’s mouths to those of you paying attention. The Messiah of Change, in announcing his cabinet, is proving to be nothing more than a redecorator bringing in old furniture that was in style about eight years ago. If they weren’t in the living room of Washington already, they were in the next room and are definitely part of the same collection.

Voters may have voted against John McCain because they thought he would represent the third term of George W Bush. I don’t think they counted on getting a third term of William J Clinton. If indeed Obama does lead like the broken zippered bubba I, honestly, think we will make it through four years still in fashion. Unfortunately, and I never thought I would utter anything remotely like this; Obama is not like Bill Clinton; he's is cut from completely different cloth.

With the help of the media, dinosaur Democrats and weak kneed Republican cowards we are embarking down a road of government growth not seen since the New Deal. Hell, they aren’t even waiting for the coronation. Today’s announcement of $7.4 Trillion in government debt guarantees could be the new outfit that brings down the closet rod.

You see, the foundation of the economy of this great country of ours is sound. We have a few items that are a bit out of date. Definitely a few too many stuffed shirts with holes in their pockets that money seems to run through so fast they are constantly walking around looking for more. Let’s not try to hide our fat hips or short torso by piling on expensive thick overcoats of government regulation. Stuffing a purse with money and heading to Rodeo Drive to pile up a larger wardrobe is not the answer. We have plenty enough clothes in the form of oversight and political institutions. How about a diet instead of a larger size government and we need to clean out our closet.

Next time somebody says change has come to Washington, suggest they check their closet for that Nehru jacket and leisure suit and take them to Goodwill before they say another word.

S2

If you enjoy this Turkey baste blog, you'll gobble up this video!

Sarah Palin is once again catching flack. She steps in front of the cameras to do the typical governor duty of offering a pardon to a turkey before our American holiday of Thanksgiving while the turkeys behind the cameras do their best to find some way to embarrass her.

A poorly located interview at the event is providing the stuffing for anyone who gets in a fowl mood by just looking at her hotness. MSNBC is showing an edited version of the video below and left leaning blogs are cooking up all kinds of stories in a feeding frenzy about the insensitivity of Alaska's leader to the plight of the future center of her kids lunch time sandwhiches. What they felt needed to be edited I've no idea. I am showing the uncut version here. Nothing's being left out of the recipes on my site.

The hysteria is mind boggling and comments on these sites are gobbling up bandwidth at an amazing pace. I guess those concerned with the fate of the feathered entrees have never actually seen someone working. The only thing I find to be concerned about is there is only one guy working? Shouldn't they be upping production this close to Thanksgiving? I hope their orders aren't down this year. God forbid they have to fly to Washington and beg for a bailout. How would they get there? Sarah sold Alaska's jet!

S2