The clothes don't make the country

Look in my closet and you will quickly realize I am not a slave to fashion. It is not that I don’t care how I look but I am dead certain that skinny ties and polyester are about to make a comeback. I just know it and I’d bet my entire Bee Gees disco collection on it. Perhaps this is why my wife insists on letting me know when TLC’s “What Not to Wear” is on; and it is on frequently.

If you’ve never been forced to watch this bit of reality TV, it centers around two fashionistas, Stacy London, a “carefully coiffed but still allows a hint of grey in her hair” babe and Clinton Kelly, neat dresser whose orientation is as debatable as nature versus nurture argument that very well might determine it, who descend upon an unsuspecting victim from the fashion police’s top ten most wanted list and destroy them in a form reminiscent of the drill instructor from the movie Full Metal Jacket only to build them up fashionably, socially and even on occasion spiritually.

The selected fashion don’ts are sent to New York where their entire wardrobe is tossed aside as unceremoniously as a High School Football star is dropped by the Head Cheerleader as soon as he’s no longer the starting quarterback. Unlike the ex-starter who’s only left with memories of the bus ride to away games, the newly de-clothed is given $5000 to buy a new wardrobe. They are given some very common sense rules that are to be followed not just during this shop fest but are heeded long term: Don’t buy cheap clothes, buy outfits that are multipurpose, dress for you body type and a few others.

The makeovers on this show are often more dramatic than a sky filling sunset viewed beside a dozen aging hippies and potential future subjects for the show from Mallory Square in Key West and the immediacy of this change, it happens in less than a week, can not be overlooked. And when it comes to fashion, you better not be slow. You see the person, or dare I set the stage for the rest of this post by calling them the foundation, is basically the same. They get new hair, new makeup tips and new clothes but the individual is the same. The change in attitude, professionalism and even in their ultimate potential is stunning.

In addition to this show on changing wardrobes, TLC features shows about decorating houses too. Sometimes, these shows feature the concept of Redecorating. Just like a child moving food around his plate while avoiding eating it, the redecorator changes your room by moving things you already own around your house to make it feel different. Being the cheapskate that I am, hence my avoidance of shopping for new clothes, I initially thought this was a pretty good idea. We could enjoy the new feel of a redecorated room without taking our precious savings from the starving banks in this time of financial need.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long until I realized the sofa I was sitting on was the same old piece of crap with a spring in the cushion and wobbly back that was in the other corner of the room a week ago.

About now you are asking yourself, “What is the bald guy getting at with all this fashion and decorating talk?” Has he gone off the deep end and is about to start giving Martha Stewart like advice on ferns and fois gras? Hell, even Martha is talking with a turkey about politics on morning TV instead of about turkey.

Well the analogy should be about as obvious as the lies coming out of Barney Frank’s and Chris Dodd’s mouths to those of you paying attention. The Messiah of Change, in announcing his cabinet, is proving to be nothing more than a redecorator bringing in old furniture that was in style about eight years ago. If they weren’t in the living room of Washington already, they were in the next room and are definitely part of the same collection.

Voters may have voted against John McCain because they thought he would represent the third term of George W Bush. I don’t think they counted on getting a third term of William J Clinton. If indeed Obama does lead like the broken zippered bubba I, honestly, think we will make it through four years still in fashion. Unfortunately, and I never thought I would utter anything remotely like this; Obama is not like Bill Clinton; he's is cut from completely different cloth.

With the help of the media, dinosaur Democrats and weak kneed Republican cowards we are embarking down a road of government growth not seen since the New Deal. Hell, they aren’t even waiting for the coronation. Today’s announcement of $7.4 Trillion in government debt guarantees could be the new outfit that brings down the closet rod.

You see, the foundation of the economy of this great country of ours is sound. We have a few items that are a bit out of date. Definitely a few too many stuffed shirts with holes in their pockets that money seems to run through so fast they are constantly walking around looking for more. Let’s not try to hide our fat hips or short torso by piling on expensive thick overcoats of government regulation. Stuffing a purse with money and heading to Rodeo Drive to pile up a larger wardrobe is not the answer. We have plenty enough clothes in the form of oversight and political institutions. How about a diet instead of a larger size government and we need to clean out our closet.

Next time somebody says change has come to Washington, suggest they check their closet for that Nehru jacket and leisure suit and take them to Goodwill before they say another word.

S2