This really shouldn't take that long

Why is it that the simplest things seem to take so long?

Mrs. Bald Man and I started to Xeriscape our lawn last year and, embarrisingly so, it is nowhere near being done. I am making progress but, you'd think, killing grass, grading the area, putting down some weed retarding, sorry that should be weed developmentally challenging, material and covering this will rocks and wood chips wouldn't be a several month undertaking.

Sometimes, like the final weigh ins on the Biggest Loser, events that you'd think would be as quick as Dennis Miller's wit end up dragging on like a Keith Olbermann self-aggrandising rant and, like said rant, seemingly degrade with each passing minute.

Such is the case with the so-called pirate hostage situation off the Somali coast. The situation is more "rub a dub dub Islamic terrorists in a tub" than "yo ho ho and a Johnny Depp look-alike with rum" in which four of these eye-patchless pirates are in a 28 foot life boat holding the captain of an American vessel hostage while the 565 foot 9100 ton USS Bainbridge sits idly by. It is not like we hadn't seen this coming!

FBI negotiators are on the scene and calls for reinforcements have gone out by both sides. The staring contest continues and the situation will surely escalate when more party guests arrive.

Like Rutger's chance at a NCAA Football championship, this should have been over before the first kickoff. The four want to be Blackbeard's are in the sights of Navy sharpshooters who, with the application of a few foot pounds of finger pressure could send them all to Davey Jone's locker while simultaneously providing a well balanced lunch for a school of Ahi tuna.

What about the safety of hostage Richard Phillips? It seems Phillips has had enough of his captor's company. He took a swan dive, more like a belly flop, from the boat in an escape attempt. Why this was not seen as the perfect opportunity to put a few dings in the dinghy and holes in the pirates is beyond me.

The longer this situation goes on, the more likely it will end with either the Captain being murdered or, almost worse, the US government dropping a boatload of cash into the boatload of pirates. If the latter occurs, you can bet your parrot there will be a flotilla of peg legged Somalis catching the first available trade wind toward the closest US ship.

This should end now and it should end decisively. Why the First African American President of the United States has no comment on this situation is beyond me. Yet again, we are signaling weakness in the eyes of the world. There is a time for negotiation and there is a time for action. This scum, who are making a very good living terrorizing innocents, have nothing to bargain with. They are out of gas and at the mercy of the tides. Mercy is not a trait they have exhibited in the past and it is not something we should endeavor to provide them. It's time to send a message in a bottle to these refugees from the human race that we, the civilized of society, can't have the ships of our fortune boarded at will and the treasure of our hard earned bounty seized. We need to drop anchor and take the wind of of their sails by dropping a few pirates.

Ahoy.

S2