I need a platitude adjustment

plat·i·tude
   /ˈplætɪˌtud, -ˌtyud/ Show Spelled[plat-i-tood, -tyood] Show IPA
–noun
1.
a flat, dull, or trite remark, esp. one uttered as if it were fresh or profound.

If I have said it once I've said it a thousand times, the ability to effectively communicate in an original and effective way has gone the way of the dinosaur in these Twitter-filled days of instant messaging. When one believes that any salient point can be made in 140 characters or less or that a platitude laced political speech proves the utterer is statesmanlike, we further erode a social link that is retreating faster than a Greenland glacier in Al Gore's worst nightmare: the ability to convey information from one person to another. R U Serious? OMG yes. IMHO txt spk is ruining English. Woot!

Unless you live in a cave, you've probably attended a presentation in which the presenter used a PowerPoint to help impart knowledge. Residing in a cave isn't even a valid excuse. I am sure Usama Bin Laden has seen his fair share of Webinars on topics as varied as "This year's suicide bomber vest, slimming yet potent", "Dirty Bombs: a path to clean the hedonist world", "Beheadings, they aren't just for Jihad anymore" and the ever popular "Vestal Virgin or Goat: Heaven can wait". I'd be willing to bet an Obama stimulus check that most of these PowerPoint presentations contained enough trite lemons to make more lemonade than you could drink in a lifetime. The hellbound road of good intentions has seen plenty of angels overtaken by fools rushing ahead to prove that no good saying goes underused when it comes to success and the hard work that it takes to achieve it. Huh? Exactly.

There are two commonly used phrases that I would be happy to never hear again. The first is used in about a third of tax related news articles from about mid-March to mid-April: "There are two unavoidable things in life, death and taxes". This self-defeating point of view, despite being inaccurate, is the type of saying that allows elected officials to continue their unrelenting grab at every penny that passes before their eyes. In addition to the inevitable terrible twosome, I can guarantee at some point you will become ill, have to empty your bladder and bowels, spill milk and sneeze. But I will eat right, exercise and wash my hands so that illness is less frequent and my bodily functions are more regular. I will take care when pouring a glass of milk and I'll cover my mouth when i sneeze. I will also make every effort to fight unnecessary and imprudent taxes being levied and try to leave a personal legacy that will last beyond the grave. So let's move beyond the worn out utterance of Mr. Franklin and find a new way to complain this tax season. Remember, old Ben also suggested the turkey as our national bird although the staff here thinks that is a topic ripe to readdress.

in·san·i·ty
Pronunciation: \in-ˈsa-nə-tē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural in·san·i·ties
Date: 1590

1 : a deranged state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder (as schizophrenia)
2 : such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one from criminal or civil responsibility

Second on the no play list is the tried and true: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result". I would swear in a court of law that not a week has gone by in the last 10 years without my having heard someone utter this trite bit of pseudo brilliance as though they were the only one in the room to have heard it before. A court of law is probably the only place it belongs. Insanity is no longer a medical term or condition, it is a legal definition and relates to a person's capacity to be found innocent or guilty of a crime. Instead, it is used in nine out of ten business presentations to explain why companies continue to make wrong or ill advised decisions which lead to failure. What is insane is that those responsible for these decisions are allowed to explain away their mistakes or inadequacies with a quote from a bad haired genius. We would all be better off if, the next time this ploy is tried, instead of nodding like a Donald Trump bobble head doll on the set of the Apprentice, someone did their best Rohm Emmanuel impersonation and said, "It's not insanity, it is the fact you are a F$#king Retard!" It may be their last act on the company payroll but at least they'd go out with a bang.

I doubt we will be able expunge either of these platitudes from their place on the rotation list of useful utterances but life goes on. But every cloud has a silver lining, since anything that can go wrong will go wrong, many of the presentations these are being put in to will probably fail to run and the presenter will be left to wax extemporaneously about a subject they know as in depth as the words on their cliff notes. If you find yourself in such a position, just wing it. It won't be long after the meeting ends until all will be water under the bridge. Most likely everyone else in the room has had the same happen to them because no man is an island and since misery loves company, they will go easy on you.

Soon, I will address the annoying practice of elucidating, or explaining in more detail, larger words used in a conversation because you assume the reader is too stupid to comprehend, or understand. To do it now would just obfuscate, or confuse, the subject here. And, of course, we will also discuss the annoying practice of inserting definitions of words as block quotes or call outs to make your article seem more scholarly.



S2