If it doesn't kill you, it must be regulated

When I was showering earlier today, I noticed the shower curtain moving ever so slightly. I pulled it back and was greeted with a sheepish looking set of brown eyes staring up at me. I couldn't figure out what had the dog worried until I realized he had just eaten the last of the bar of soap I was intending on using. Who would have thought he would do that?

Kids and dogs share a lot of the same traits and neither has much, if any, common sense. I guess that is why Congress feels compelled to pass law after law after law after law in an effort to protect little Johnnie from everything from hot soup to airplane peanuts.

Most of these laws and regulations make sense. Strapping junior in to a car seat not only could save his life in a fender bender but it will also keep your target stationary when you have to turn around and pop him one for refusing to stop signing "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" at the top of his lungs. V-chips on all televisions keep little eyes from seeing errant boobage on late night Cinemax and also let's me block the Oxygen channel so I don't see the Burning Bed three times a month.

Of course no good deed goes unpunished and coming to a head soon are two decisions made with the best of intentions by people with IQs similar to the weight of your average 6-8 year old. Thankfully they juxtapose very nicely.

The Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008, enacted August 14 of last year, was set to go into effect and ban all products designed for children ages 12 or under which contain lead over specified limits. Regulations are outlined under Title I of the Act and sets the lead limit at “600 parts per million total lead content by weight for any part of the product.” That limit will drop to 300 ppm one year after the date of enactment and 100 ppm three years after unless deemed technologically unfeasible.

That sounds good in theory until you ask your local All Terrain Vehicle salesman. You see, children's ATVs contain lead and are thus banned under this new law. The ban is estimated to cost the industry over $100 million and will force dad's all across the country to share their rides with the kids greatly cutting in to their precious weekend riding time. Of course there is nothing to stop a child under twelve from trying to eat Dad's (or mom's) lead filled ride so I don't see the protection working as planned. In a moment of clarity of thought, the Consumer Product Safety Commission voted on April 3 to grant a one-year stay of enforcement on the lead ban. But it is still coming.

If you've read this blog for any length of time you are aware that in a few years, those bright incandescent bulbs that permit you to push back the night and function after dark will be replaced with CFLs, those less bright planet savings pieces of crap. CFLs happen to contain Mercury, a neurotoxin and they pose a health hazard when broken. So much of a hazard that the there is a warning on the back of packages and the Maine Bureau of Remediation & Waste Management gives the following advice if a fluorescent bulb breaks in the home:

1. Never use a vacuum to clean up the breakage because it may spread mercury dust in the air.
2. Keep people and pets away from the scene of the break.
3. Ventilate the area.
4. If possible, reduce the temperature of the room.
5. Wear protective equipment such as rubber gloves, safety glasses, a duck mask and old clothing.
6. Remove large pieces and place is secure, closed or airtight plastic bag.
7. Collect smaller pieces and dust using a disposable dustpan and broom.
8. Put all material into an airtight plastic bag. Pat the breakage area with the sticky side of something like duct tape. Wipe the area with a damp cloth or paper towels to pick up the rest.
9. Put the debris and any materials used to clean it up into a secure closed container and label it "Universal Waste -Broken Lamp."
10. Take the container for recycling of universal waste.

That seems easy and these bulbs will be mandated in the near future!

Putting these two regulations together begs the question: What is more likely to happen, a child breaks a light bulb or he eats an ATV? I don't have time to ponder it now, the dog has been drinking out of the toilet and now he is burping soap bubbles.

S2

I can make fire

When camping, I've been able to rub a couple sticks together and create fire. Yes, it is a bit more complicated that just grabbing the closest twigs and introducing them to each other but....you get my point: I can do it.

Fire, along with other early inventions like the wheel, arrow heads and 8 Track tape players brought man from his earliest origins to the point we are now where I can sit in the bedroom of my youth, type a few words on a laptop keyboard and have those words available instantly at the farthest reaches of the globe. At least in theory I can.

My laptop is on its final legs and, come Monday, it will be retired. It takes about six attempts to upload anything and I am incapable if finding the cause and fixing it. So, while I am able to survive MacGuyver-like, for a week in the wilderness of Idaho with nothing more than the clothes on my back, 18 inches of dental floss and a butter knife, I can't overcome the limits of my personal technology.

This loss of instant access, combined with the impending launch of a North Korean "satellite" has me wondering what we as a nation would do if we were suddenly nuked back to an age before the Internet, I-pods and those fancy light up tennis shoes I see kids wearing at the Mall were available as readily as they are now. Could we survive having to provide for our own survival?

I watched, and fell in love with, the show Jericho on Fancast.com. I recommend everyone watch this bit of fiction and think about what you might do in the same circumstances.

For my part, I give up. For the next few days I probably won't be posting to this blog as I get the new Laptop tweaked to Bald Man standards. I'll be sure to save up for some chilling, witty, insightful and, hopefully, entertaining posts next week.

See you soon.

I find this quite Taxing

Life is complicated. I am on vacation this week, my laptop is screwed up and I am getting work related emails. I am trying to avoid them as much as possible but there are a few I feel compelled to answer. I guess we've reached the point where our time is never really our own. But that isn't what I am finding to be taxing.

This morning's news highlighted a group of unshaven, unwashed, uncivilized and, I am guessing, uneducated rabble in the UK marching (read that rioting) on the Bank Of Scotland screaming "down with money". The next time I come across one of these little anarchists on the street begging for some spare change, I think I'll introduce them to a couple penny loafers up their backside. The misunderstanding these mini-Stalins have about just about everything in the World today would take me a week and a half to write about. Don't worry, that isn't what I am finding to be taxing.

During the election campaign, in Dover, N.H., on Sept. 12, The ONE promised us, "I can make a firm pledge. Under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes(emphasis added)." To be clear, I am sure most of his claims/promises regarding taxes were meant to be in the realm of payroll taxes but the preceding statement seems a bit more encompassing. It is this statement that I am finding to be quite taxing. It is taxing my psyche, my nerves, my sense of right and wrong and it will be taxing all of us soon.

The First African American President of the United States, a self-proclaimed cheating ex-smoker and an obvious crappy gifter, signed in to law a cigarette tax increase of nearly $0.62 a pack. Smokers encompass all income brackets but I believe statistics show that an inordinate amount of smokers come from lower tax brackets; well below those of the $250,000 a year crowd. The raising of a tax, self-imposed as it is, by nearly 62% sounds like an increase to me. I guess the rational here is you can quit smoking if you want to avoid this tax.

While not everyone smokes, I am pretty sure we are all going to die at some point and you smokers are probably at the front of the list. In the midst of keeping us safe from terrorist attacks for the past eight years, George W Bush's administration was able to sneak in a reduction of the "Death Tax" in 2010 to Zero. This meant when we finally took the express elevator to, hopefully, the top floor to see the ultimate Boss and laugh at the 27 Virgin crowd baking away further south that our assets would go where they rightfully belong; to our heirs (or in the case of Mrs Bald Man to some feline rescue and feeding house). An even sneakier Obama, in a footnote on page 127 of his budget, states the 2010 Estate Tax will remain at 2009 levels. That level, my living and breathing friends is 45%. My Catholic school education taught me that 45 is greater than 0 which means, again, this seems to be a tax increase. This is a tax on the amount of assets you have when you die, not your income. Most greatly affected by this are small business owners and farmers, many of whom have estates valued above the minimum exempted amounts. Now in fairness to The ONE, he did say you won't SEE your taxes go up. You won't, your surviving family members will; you'll be dead.

Finally, many in the country began receiving their bi-weekly tax reduction in the form of a reduction in your withholding. This government directed change in your withholding, aside from seemingly illegal to me, simply gives you more take home pay. It doesn't reduce the amount of tax you owe at the end of the year. Now, there is a credit in your withholding amount that basically is offset by this change. Supposedly it is a wash at tax time. Here's where you need to be very careful. If you are a married person filing jointly and both you and your spouse are working, you need to make sure that both of you have not had your withholding adjusted. You see, the big brains in DC told your employer to change your W-4 to reduce the amount withheld. However, this change does not take in to account your filing status. If both your and your spouse's employer adjusted your take home pay, you are going to find yourself owing the your greedy uncle next April. From experience, the cordial folks at the IRS will probably not be as forgiving to you, Joe Six-Pack, for an underpayment as they are to your average Obama Cabinet nominee who avoids $100,000 in taxes.

We are less than two weeks away from April 15, tax day; a day when the collective blood pressure of our country rises to dangerous levels. If you think it is bad this year, I think you will find the next few years becoming even more taxing.

S2