What's in a name?

Broadway star and impresario George M. Cohan once quipped "I don't care what you say about me, as long as you say something about me, and as long as you spell my name right."

Let's hope The ONE has the same attitude. The same White House geniuses who brought us the "reset" button in Russia, provided Hillary with historically inaccurate quotes and decided to give a visiting head of state a DVD collection served up the following signature line on a recent agreement between the First African American President of the United States and our former and potentially future international foes Russia.

The check is in the mail

I have this propensity to keep the pens from my hotel rooms and bring them home. Mrs. Bald Man has demanded that I cease the practice as our drawers are overflowing with them. With this stated fact I must beg your forgiveness for not taking notes during the first press conference from the first African American President of the United States.

Like most press conferences there was a lot of nothing said but much of it deserves to be commented on. Unfortunately, being flush with pens but sans paper, I must rely on the many thoughts flying around my scattered brain like so many kernels of popcorn exploding in one of Mr. Redenbacher's bags in the microwave. The hard part is, like this type of corn, my ideas are finished popping in about three minutes so I best type fast.

If you didn't watch this press conference in which the press didn't press much, you might not catch the relevance of some of these comments but press on through and I will try to provide you some things to watch for in the news.

The ONE's denial of the existence of "pork" in this stimulus bill was truly an outright lie. Call me an anti-semantic but just because the spending here isn't directly targeted by a specific office holder doesn't mean it is not an earmark. If it isn't pork by definition it still comes from a pig. Millions for a Frisbee golf course squeals more than Ned Beatty in Deliverance. The poke is further populated by sending a check to individuals who don't pay taxes and calling it a tax cut.

Much ado was made by the President about his having inherited this crisis and that, going forward, he wasn't going to make the same mistakes and follow the same failed policies of the past eight years. He commented that these past policies doubled the deficit in recent years. Well, Mr. President, if one of the problems of the last eight years was the doubling of our deficit, how will spending an amount equal to about two thirds of everything produced in the country last year help? Running up a deficit didn't work so let's run up an even bigger one.

About a year ago, checks were sent out to the majority of people in this country. These checks were going to help stimulate the economy and stop the economic skid. It didn't work. Our new plan is to send out bigger checks to the majority of the people in this country to help stimulate the economy and stop the economic skid.

I will let pundits and others with bigger brains than me wax eloquently about the inaccuracies in Obama's statements regarding the biggest crisis since the depression and Japan's lost decade. In neither of these situations did government spending work to solve the problems and turn around the economic slides. The ONE is happy to use his clever little quip about how a stimulus package "by definition" spends money. I'm not a Harvard grad but my dictionary defines stimulus this way:

n., pl. -li (-lī').

1. Something causing or regarded as causing a response.
2. An agent, action, or condition that elicits or accelerates a physiological or psychological activity or response.
3. Something that incites or rouses to action; an incentive

I don't see mandatory spending hinted at. Do you?

The lap dogs in the press corps tossed a few softball to the President about Iran, Afghanistan and A Rod's steroid use. In way of answering, Obama blabbered about how it would be somewhat of a bad kind of thing if somehow Iran were to become a member nation in the Nuclear weapon club. This milk toast answer is in stark contrast to the definitive "Iran can not be allowed to acquire or develop Nucular (sic) arms" statement by George W Bush. Regarding the A-Roid question, I have to wonder if it is any surprise the Washington Post is failing. In the midst of a press conference about the supposed worst economic crisis since Ceasar needed Jesus Christ to convince the taxpayers to render unto him what was his, their White House correspondent asks a baseball question? It should be strikes one two and three he is out of there!

Helen "I hate George Bush and I am a liberal" Thomas proved her significance ended sometime in the Nixon years by asking if "so-called terrorists" were in Pakistan. Huh? I think in addition to being in the bag for Obama she is one of those women thinking of him in the sack. Ewwww.....I need a bag just thinking about that.


Other than the fact that Nurses find it hard to read Doctors' handwriting I don't know that anything new was revealed during this press conference. However, read between the lines of Obama's reference to "electronic advancements in health care" and you will see the road to Nationalized Health Care is being paved with stimulus funds.

Get off my lawn!

The title of this post probably conjures up an image of a crotchety old man in a tshirt, work pants with a gardening implement of some sort in his hand, fist held high and shaking, yelling at a group of hooligans who dared breach his property line and tread on his finely coiffed yard. Gather two or three of these geezers in one location and the disdain they hold for these trespassing ruffians becomes palpable. After two or three rounds at the bar the act of short cutting across ones property becomes a sign of the impending crash of modern civilization when control of the economy, government and education systems is turned over to the next generation.

During the recent presidential election, a fair amount of commentary was centered on the generational differences between The ONE and John McCain. McCain was the old school hard property line protecting curmudgeon who supposedly couldn't even send an email and a fan of fences and Obama was a BlackBerry wielding, Hip Hop filled MP3 player carrying baby boomer full of new ideas and energy who couldn't wait to walk across the White House lawn.

I don't think any generation, as they see their control slipping away, feels there progeny worthy of carrying on in a way that befits their standards for running the world. I know I look at the current class of graduates and know my tax dollars have been misused by the government run schools. These bozos know less than James "Handyman" Taylor about history, biology or any of a number of subjects. They are first rate at Internet surfing, sexting and being Green but common sense isn't so common among their ranks.

I was at McDonald's glaring at a group of pants half off their ass and underwear showing nimrods trying use basic math skills to see if their combined change was enough for a Big Mac and fries when a realization hit me. My parents generation had the same lack of faith in my peers as I do in these brain dead adolescents. And it is my generation now taking over. The newly elected first ever African American President is my age.

I look at the work ethic of the new administration, and the lack of ethics displayed by recent nominees, and think perhaps my parents were right to doubt us. So far the best they can come up with is "I won". Think that is a harsh opinion? It has been but a few weeks that The ONE has been at the helm and newspapers, television and the net are all running stories about the "stir crazy" or antsy President and how he and Michelle had to "escape" from the White House bubble. The spendalooza package was passed by the Senate tonight. This, as stated by the President at a "we can have a five star retreat on the public's dime but the banks better not" Democratic meeting yesterday, has to be passed or it will be a catastrophe. Obama wasn't around to comment even though he claimed to be involved in this mess. It is Friday and that is date night for him and Michelle. I am all for putting family first but...come on.

Kool-aid drinkers will say these are not examples of a poor work ethic. True. They are symptomatic of a lack of professionalism and outright arrogance in my opinion. This man, with his months of Senate experience before he started campaigning, is now at the helm of a pretty large economic machine that is having engine problems and he thinks he is a mechanic. His stubborness at keeping his BlackBerry, showing up late to everything and continued breaking of campaign promises may not be signs of a lack of work ethic. They are signs of immaturity and arrogance and, if the press ever decides to do its job and take an impartial look at him, the bloom will soon be off the Rose.

Thankfully there are Republicans (and 11 Democrats in the House) who are acting like adults. Uncle Mitt chimed in too with old man sage advice regarding the spendalooza. The newer, younger members of our elected glitteri seem to have forgotten the philosophies and principles of the Founding Fathers and are ignorant of any struggle older than the Pepsi Generation.

And with all those damn kids cutting through the White House Rose Garden, it could be a while until our economic grass is greener. I have to stop now, my head is like an Alaskan volcano and about to erupt.

S2

We can't all just get along. Why?

I have two of the nicest dogs around. Both of them have lived their lives in the presence of cats and the fabled irreconcilable differences between the canines and the felines is anything but a fine line in the sand.

In recent months there has been a parade of foster kittens and their moms marching through our house. There is more in species fighting amongst the cats than inter-species conflicts involving the wet nosed crotch sniffers. That is not to say that there aren't flare ups.

As the kittens get more bold they begin to expand their roaming into areas often occupied by a sleeping, and much larger, dog. To say that the 50-60 pound barker could dispatch of a still wobbly pound and a half meower faster than 9 six-week long lives could pass before their eyes probably goes without saying. Yet interestingly, the two dogs have different levels of aggravation with the little future fur ball hurlers.

One dog, immediately upon seeing a kitten approach whatever area of floor he has most recently claimed as his sleeping quarters, growls in the low guttural way that states further trespass will be met with retribution that is swift, painful and complete. It isn't long until he is given a wide berth during all exploratory ventures.

The other dog tends to be more forgiving. He tries to get along a bit more. Of course, the very nature of a kitten is to experiment how to kill anything it encounters and it isn't long until the dog's tail or ear becomes a sacrifice to learning the way of the hunt.

What, you are probably asking, does any of this have to do with issues relevant enough to be placed into a soon to be highly read, award winning and often quoted blog such as No Mato Mi Pavo? Allow me to bring this post full circle with a close so perfectly fitting Jessica Simpson could only hope to have a tailor so skilled.

The different approaches of the dogs, and the reactions they receive, reflect well the approaches to the war on terror and the Axis Of Evil by former President George W Bush and the current and already deemed best ever President Barak Obama; two men breeds apart in this effort. The first ever African American President Obama went on Arab television to show he is open to talk. In the campaign it was stated Obama would meet with "no pre-existing conditions" with the nut in charge of Iran. During his inaugural address, The ONE said he was willing to extend a diplomatic hand to Tehran if the Islamic republic is ready to "unclench its fist".

George W. Bush was less conciliatory.

Iran, of course, is the kitten in this cast of four legged characters. These pussies are hell bent on killing the non-believer and Achmawhackjob, their leader, has openly expressed his desire to hasten the return of the 12th Iman. While the United States was growling and it was clear we had a bite to back up our bark, Iran kept its claws retracked, for the most part.

The recent extension of a paw of discussion by our understanding leader was scratched at so fast as to make our collective tails spin. Animals understand there is a heirarchy in the world and that the strong does, in fact, hold dominion over the weak. If our Alpha dog continues to capitulate the superior power of our country to a country led by a man hell bent on our destruction the "dog house" of our current economic situation will be the least of our problems requiring burying in the backyard.

To the victors go the spoils that spoil the victors

At the White House last week a few Senate Republicans, realizing they weren't actually eunuchs, found the testicular fortitude to question our first African American President on his lack of support for more tax cuts. Obama attempted to neuter this argument, cutting the questioners to the proverbial quick with faster than the vets at the Humane Society makes the neighborhood safe from Sparky's antics, with the simple statement, "I won the election".

Unlike the Senate vote in Minnesota, you can't argue that fact: The ONE did win. But does that victory mean everything he wants is now a fait accompli? If you listen to the mainstream media it would seem so. For in their eyes, in briss-like timing, on the Eight Day God created Obama!

House Republicans held ranks closer than overweight soldiers in a very small foxhole amid an artillery shower by voting unanimously against the pork laden, over inflated and sure to fail Stimulus Package. Unfortunately the same strategy may bomb in the Senate where go along to get along Republicans are likely to cross enemy lines and surrender their principles with a white flag vote for the package. We can only hope these usually free stepping turncoats decide that, on occasion, lock step is a good thing and that all the Republican Senators keep formation and vote no.

While all our attention is focused, as it should be, on the discussions in Congress over this attack on our capitalist economic system that is the winner's top priority, there remain numerous examples of hypocrisy, hubris and half-wittedness in the new administration that beg to be commented on.

As mentioned in a previous blog under the definition of hypocrisy, the President recently signed an Executive Order that "forbids anyone on his team from working in an agency or on a program for which they lobbied in the last two years". How then is it that there is little questioning or outrage that in the past few days "a number of exceptions have been granted, with the administration conceding at least two waivers and that a handful of other appointees will recuse themselves from dealing with matters on which they lobbied within the two-year window." I guess it shouldn't matter. After all, Obama did win the election.

While on the campaign trail discussing global warming, the then first African American candidate with a real chance of being elected President Obama said, "“We can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times … and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK.”

“That’s not leadership. That’s not going to happen,” he added.

Just this week, the recently inaugurated first African American President Obama chided Washington, DC area schools for canceling classes due to inclement weather saying, "“Because of what? Because of some ice?” He said Sasha, his 7-year-old, pointed out that in Chicago, not only is school never canceled for snow, “you’d go outside for recess. You wouldn’t even stay indoors.”

The tough talking first African American President was exposed to be a bit thin blooded when, in an effort to explain the new casual dress code in the Oval Office Senior Advisor David Axelrod stated, "“He’s from Hawaii, O.K.? He likes it warm. You could grow orchids in there.” So we won't be able to drive our SUVs and keep our houses warm but to avoid wearing a suit coat, and by extension showing the official office of the first African American the respect it deserves, the First African American Hawaiian President can crank up the heat to hot house levels. Then again, he did win.

Finally, in a have it your way celebration that makes the King of Burgers seem like a pauper, the First African American Hawaiian President to win office and members of Congress celebrated the passing of the soon to fail stimulus package with a $100 per serving cocktail party. I guess tiny cocktail weenies have no place in this White House although I believe they are readily available at the testosterone challenged soirees of Senate Republicans. (Before you write me letters, I know not all in the Senate are male but I couldn't figure out how to make the symbolism work in a gender neutral way. Deal with it.) On the bright side, it seems some Senators get it although they did join in the extravaganza. I suppose the over the top, budget be damned party is understandable because...

say it together...

Obama won the election.

S2

Oh the times they are a changin'

Time changes everything. Or so it is the saying goes.

In his 1981 inaugural address, Ronald Reagan said, "In this troubled time, government is not the solution, government is the problem."

In his in 1993, Bill Clinton said, "Government is not the problem but it is not the solution. People are the solution."

On January 20th, 2009, we expect to hear Barack Obama say, "Government is the solution".

The Bums will come out, tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar.

Four years ago the secret service and Washington DC were bracing themselves against numerous protests and demonstrations during the inauguration of George W. Bush. This year, the love in the air is thicker than the back hair on your average Italian tourist at the beach and the press coverage will be fuller than the mustache of said tourist's wife.

The lack of planned protests hasn't calmed the fears of the Secret Service and conservative groups are being watched closer than the bums of cute Swedish girls tanning themselves on the sand. It is also yet another example of how those on the right seem to "go along to get along" and it is the left that flies off the handle. The only group planning a protest is the nut job, whacked out, needs to be slapped upside their head Westboro Baptist Church. Conservative these freaks are not. Neither are neo-NAZIs but they too are receiving scrutiny even though they've kept most of their comments under their sheets. Perennial protesters, and equally nutty, Code Pink will be hoisting signs but theirs are celebratory in design.

Everything that can possibly be done to ensure the day is perfect for the coronation of PEBO is being done. Even an economy that is floundering like a fat guy trying to don a wetsuit won't stop this party. DC police have posted No Prostitution signs. I am sure this effort will guarantee illegal activity of the carnal variety will cease. I've heard rumor that Congressman, upon seeing these signs, thought an early recess of government was called and went home. The homeless are being rounded up by police and given one way bus rides to the outskirts of town faster than mothers grab their young sons and pull them away from fellow sun worshipers exercising a clothing optional option. After all, we can't have the inauguration visitors seeing hookers and bums along the parade route. That year round joy is reserved for the locals. It will be hard enough on those coming to the festivities to subject them to the dregs of society that have washed up on the shores of the Potomac. The only hitch in the plan is that Mother Nature is not cooperating as our warming globe is forecast to receive snow.

I feel certain only the most positive of images of the day will make it to the airwaves this Tuesday. We are entering another stage of image over substance and those of us sensitive to the rash of idiocy this surely will cause need to protect ourselves just like the fair skinned family slathers on the sun screen and dons dark glasses against the harsh sun of summer. Our glasses will not contain the rose colored optics of the true believers. They are the prescription we need to keep an eye on those in charge and be ever vigilant so that the freedoms our forefathers realized were guaranteed by our creator are not washed away like the footprints in the sand during a high tide. For surely there will be a new tide soon.

The clothes don't make the country

Look in my closet and you will quickly realize I am not a slave to fashion. It is not that I don’t care how I look but I am dead certain that skinny ties and polyester are about to make a comeback. I just know it and I’d bet my entire Bee Gees disco collection on it. Perhaps this is why my wife insists on letting me know when TLC’s “What Not to Wear” is on; and it is on frequently.

If you’ve never been forced to watch this bit of reality TV, it centers around two fashionistas, Stacy London, a “carefully coiffed but still allows a hint of grey in her hair” babe and Clinton Kelly, neat dresser whose orientation is as debatable as nature versus nurture argument that very well might determine it, who descend upon an unsuspecting victim from the fashion police’s top ten most wanted list and destroy them in a form reminiscent of the drill instructor from the movie Full Metal Jacket only to build them up fashionably, socially and even on occasion spiritually.

The selected fashion don’ts are sent to New York where their entire wardrobe is tossed aside as unceremoniously as a High School Football star is dropped by the Head Cheerleader as soon as he’s no longer the starting quarterback. Unlike the ex-starter who’s only left with memories of the bus ride to away games, the newly de-clothed is given $5000 to buy a new wardrobe. They are given some very common sense rules that are to be followed not just during this shop fest but are heeded long term: Don’t buy cheap clothes, buy outfits that are multipurpose, dress for you body type and a few others.

The makeovers on this show are often more dramatic than a sky filling sunset viewed beside a dozen aging hippies and potential future subjects for the show from Mallory Square in Key West and the immediacy of this change, it happens in less than a week, can not be overlooked. And when it comes to fashion, you better not be slow. You see the person, or dare I set the stage for the rest of this post by calling them the foundation, is basically the same. They get new hair, new makeup tips and new clothes but the individual is the same. The change in attitude, professionalism and even in their ultimate potential is stunning.

In addition to this show on changing wardrobes, TLC features shows about decorating houses too. Sometimes, these shows feature the concept of Redecorating. Just like a child moving food around his plate while avoiding eating it, the redecorator changes your room by moving things you already own around your house to make it feel different. Being the cheapskate that I am, hence my avoidance of shopping for new clothes, I initially thought this was a pretty good idea. We could enjoy the new feel of a redecorated room without taking our precious savings from the starving banks in this time of financial need.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long until I realized the sofa I was sitting on was the same old piece of crap with a spring in the cushion and wobbly back that was in the other corner of the room a week ago.

About now you are asking yourself, “What is the bald guy getting at with all this fashion and decorating talk?” Has he gone off the deep end and is about to start giving Martha Stewart like advice on ferns and fois gras? Hell, even Martha is talking with a turkey about politics on morning TV instead of about turkey.

Well the analogy should be about as obvious as the lies coming out of Barney Frank’s and Chris Dodd’s mouths to those of you paying attention. The Messiah of Change, in announcing his cabinet, is proving to be nothing more than a redecorator bringing in old furniture that was in style about eight years ago. If they weren’t in the living room of Washington already, they were in the next room and are definitely part of the same collection.

Voters may have voted against John McCain because they thought he would represent the third term of George W Bush. I don’t think they counted on getting a third term of William J Clinton. If indeed Obama does lead like the broken zippered bubba I, honestly, think we will make it through four years still in fashion. Unfortunately, and I never thought I would utter anything remotely like this; Obama is not like Bill Clinton; he's is cut from completely different cloth.

With the help of the media, dinosaur Democrats and weak kneed Republican cowards we are embarking down a road of government growth not seen since the New Deal. Hell, they aren’t even waiting for the coronation. Today’s announcement of $7.4 Trillion in government debt guarantees could be the new outfit that brings down the closet rod.

You see, the foundation of the economy of this great country of ours is sound. We have a few items that are a bit out of date. Definitely a few too many stuffed shirts with holes in their pockets that money seems to run through so fast they are constantly walking around looking for more. Let’s not try to hide our fat hips or short torso by piling on expensive thick overcoats of government regulation. Stuffing a purse with money and heading to Rodeo Drive to pile up a larger wardrobe is not the answer. We have plenty enough clothes in the form of oversight and political institutions. How about a diet instead of a larger size government and we need to clean out our closet.

Next time somebody says change has come to Washington, suggest they check their closet for that Nehru jacket and leisure suit and take them to Goodwill before they say another word.

S2

It's not easy being THE

Sitting in traffic on the way to work this morning, at that moment when the hot brewed liquid of life I so greedily consumed released its magic into my bloodstream and my eyes opened, I had a realization. I owe Paris Hilton an apology.

You see, I've been hard in my comments toward the rich little hotel heiress. In an obsessive manner befitting a restraining order, I've ranted to everyone from a college tour group from Paris, France to a bartender in Paris, Texas about how the dead between the ears spoilt one was amazingly,famous for being famous and that I wished all manner of pestilence would rain down upon her. Yeah I was vicious in my distain.

Was I jealous of her fame or was I morally outraged at the “one night” (WARNING: this link contains adult material) that it took her to, pardon the pun, rise to it? I mean, surely it isn't her fault that the press began its fawning. Is it? Did she ask for it by placing herself in the public eye? It's not like she could control the photographers at the many runways she walked down or the night club openings she so often attended. She was just being her and the press forced itself upon her and then her upon us.

She's just a poor little rich girl after all. One the world seems to love, adore, admire and to which they ascribe talents well beyond any she has exhibited.

It could be worse couldn't it? It's not like the media helped her, as someone without demonstrated leadership skills, to be put in charge of anything important right? As I sat in my car under the Red Roof in which I was driving down the road, I though about the power of celebrity and that given enough of it, someone could go far. Farther than anyone could imagine: from relative obscurity to “king of the world; in a meteoric rise that begins One night in Boston and culminates one hot night in Chicago with a sycophantic crowd of devotees chanting in hysterical euphoria like underage girls at an Akon concert. Or even like Akon chanting hysterically for underage girls!

The Courtyard near my office is a place of gathering where conversations range from the latest movies to the Best Western swing dance club in town. Political discussions where being good at being elected is touted as a reason for being elected. Where community organization demonstrates leadership and questionable associations don't require questioning. Where celebrity instills confidence and greatness seems destined. There seems to be the joy of a Holiday in everyone's mood regarding political futures while doubt and skepticism clouds the financial outlook. It's amazing what celebrity can do.

We talk about Paris too. Not the city of lights Paris. We talk about THE Paris. You know THE ONE. She just broke up with her boyfriend and is back on the market. She'll find the right one someday. The one she is to Marry Ought to be sure to get a pre-nuptial agreement.

The fickle press can turn very quickly. Well maybe not but hopefully soon they will examine more closely the real person. We will find the things we should have known before anointing her to a position of social influence.

She is now hunting for a BFF and many in the running are retreads and throwbacks to previous times. We've seen them before. If she isn't careful the bloom will fall from her rosy glow and she'll be exposed for who she is. Once that happens and we see the real ONE, we will have to decide if the devotion afforded her is warranted and should continue. Eventually she will have to do something! Pray it is the right thing.

I feel just a little bad for judging her harshly. I suppose it was a knee jerk reaction to having an onslaught of one sided, biased media stories thrust on me in an effort to promote her. Then again, it could be that I saw through the veiled coverage to the real person and didn't allow myself to be influenced. All I can do now is watch and Hope for the best along with the devotees.

Oh well, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

S2